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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this teacher's idea of a "treat" is a bit iffy?

44 replies

BumpyGrindy · 27/02/2014 17:28

DD is 9 and in year 5...she's just told me that today because they've all been so well behaved, the teacher has told them that they can "choose" who they sit by.

The way she's implemented this was to get each child to write 3 names down...they were not to show the names to anyone...they could "star" the name of someone they especially like. Hmm

And she will then try to accommodate them all...which let's face it just isn't going to happen! She's giving the "results" tomorrow. Hmm

DD has put her best friend down...who I might add is part of a menage a trois of sorts with DD and another girl....you know how girls are at this age...one day it's two besties and one is left out and the next the other's left out!

She did not star anyone on her list as she felt it was safer...then she won't get "hurt" if she's not by her best friend... Sad because if her best friend stars her then she will be...it's all a little confusing.

AIBU to think this is an awful plan? Or am I being precious? Do tell me...

OP posts:
LeaveYourSisterBe · 27/02/2014 17:31

Does teacher have nothing better to do than sit and work that out? That's what would put me off implementing that scheme for a start. And then the fallout when people get upset... And then the fallout when she has to separate them for mischief or constant talking ("but you said we could sit together"). Bah humbug.

SolomanDaisy · 27/02/2014 17:33

I think the teacher is picking up an idea from something that's been circulating on Facebook. It isn't really about them choosing, it's about picking up kids who may not have friends.

Original poster
BumpyGrindy · 27/02/2014 17:33

It's not that so much Sister...more the leaving out aspect...the potential for hurt which she seems to be inviting!

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ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 27/02/2014 17:35

I reckon Solomons right. The teacher will sit them where she wants to, the kids will think they have had some input, and the teacher will have an insight into the class dynamics.

NormHonal · 27/02/2014 17:35

As PP has said, she's been reading something on Facebook about identifying isolated children and helping them to integrate with the rest of the class (and hence society). Supposedly something a teacher started doing in the wake of the Columbine shootings.

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2014 17:36

I'm 44 and my teacher did this when I was in year 6 (10 or 11yrs old).

It worked quite well from what I can remember because there were about 8 kids to a table.

Joysmum · 27/02/2014 17:37

Sounds good to me.

kotinka · 27/02/2014 17:38

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

znaika · 27/02/2014 17:39

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Original poster
BumpyGrindy · 27/02/2014 17:40

Oh lordy! How clever Shock I bet there's a few kids having issues...this is an awkward age isn't it? Some of the girls seem vastly mature and others are like very little girls still...same with the boys. I am a bit daft aren't I?

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WooWooOwl · 27/02/2014 17:43

Schools regularly do this when it comes to residential school trips and deciding who will share rooms.

As long as they aren't going to be sitting two to a table, I don't see the problem tbh, it's not that hard to accommodate the wishes of a whole class when you have big tables.

WeAreDetective · 27/02/2014 17:44

I've seen this teaching tip on Facebook too. It's to find out about those pupils who have little or no friendship. By trying to prevent students becoming isolated, the teacher is trying to prevent future social problems.

I think the teacher should be commended for trying something new that could support her understanding of the class.

Dalaimama · 27/02/2014 17:44

That is what I thought straight away - the facebook thing. What a lovely teacher!

ineedanexcuse · 27/02/2014 17:44

Is this for the whole class?

My mind is boggling at the logistics of this .How on earth can every child pick someone to sit next to ?

I would love to be a fly on the wall when she tells the class though.

YANBU -it is an awful plan (but I think you might be being a little precious too)

WeAreDetective · 27/02/2014 17:46

I imagine that the teacher is skilled enough to know how to handle this.

Oakmaiden · 27/02/2014 17:48

Sounds very much like the teacher is doing a sociogram for herself. A really good idea - it can be hard as a teacher to really get to grips with the social dynamic of a classroom, because you only ever see part of it. But being excluded and ignored by your peers in primary school has been proven to have negative repercussions right through to adulthood if the issues behind it are not dealt with.

And of course you will have children who as well as naming 3 friends will put "and definitely NOT xxx", which will give even more information....

MrsBW · 27/02/2014 17:49

Looks like she's doing this

MrsBW · 27/02/2014 17:50

Or a variation of...

2kidsintow · 27/02/2014 17:50

What facebook thing?

I've frequently done this over the years as a teacher to help me reorganise the seating - but I've never introduced it as a 'treat'.

It helps me understand who their friends of choice are and helps me spot those that don't have anyone write their name down too Sad .

I start by matching up the 'easy' pairs who have put each others' names down. I then make sure that the children who have put no-one's name down is put on a table with someone they have written down.

I only promise that I will try and put them on a table with someone they wrote down and at the moment I only have 4 large tables of 7 or 8 so it works ok.

Seating is something I am always fiddling with. I think my class have had 3 or 4 new places so far this year.

Xenadog · 27/02/2014 17:52

I had this done to me in primary school back in the early 80s. We also had to add the name of someone we really didn't want to sit near - I named the class bully whom I had been forced to sit next to the whole previous year.

I think it's quite a useful thing to do.

SantanaLopez · 27/02/2014 17:53

Who is not getting requested by anyone else?

Who doesn’t even know who to request?

Who never gets noticed enough to be nominated?

Who had a million friends last week and none this week?

That's genius if it's true.

BatmanLovesRobins · 27/02/2014 17:54

I do this. Not every week like the teacher in the facebook post, but probably once a long term. It can be very revealing. I also get them to put who they don't work well with (note: not who they don't like, which is a very different thing).

Another thing along the same lines is writing something positive about every single person in the class. The people the children struggle with are not always who you expect. It's fascinating.

manicinsomniac · 27/02/2014 17:55

I've seen it on facebook too - it's a ridiculous idea.

Teachers do this for residential trips (or even day trips) all the time plus seeing the children day in day out. Social dynamics within a class are no mystery.

So to do it for a seating plan is crazy. Seating plans should not have anything to do with friendship and, if the teacher manipulates it, the kids will know; they aren't stupid!

Original poster
BumpyGrindy · 27/02/2014 17:56

Well I think it's bloody great I do! DD has friends...she spoke to me quite recently about the dynamics of her friends and once upon a time she NEVER would have done that.

She's got her two Menage a Trois mates and in addition she has a group of 4 or 5 kids both girls and boys who always hang out in a gang and she goes to them from time to time...or they to her...then she has another two girls who are lovely and never do the leaving out thing....so I think she's ok. I feel Sad for those who aren't but the teacher is on to it.

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/02/2014 17:59

Ohh I hope Soloman is right! otherwise the teacher is going to have the headache to end all headaches trying to work that out!