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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this teacher's idea of a "treat" is a bit iffy?

44 replies

BumpyGrindy · 27/02/2014 17:28

DD is 9 and in year 5...she's just told me that today because they've all been so well behaved, the teacher has told them that they can "choose" who they sit by.

The way she's implemented this was to get each child to write 3 names down...they were not to show the names to anyone...they could "star" the name of someone they especially like. Hmm

And she will then try to accommodate them all...which let's face it just isn't going to happen! She's giving the "results" tomorrow. Hmm

DD has put her best friend down...who I might add is part of a menage a trois of sorts with DD and another girl....you know how girls are at this age...one day it's two besties and one is left out and the next the other's left out!

She did not star anyone on her list as she felt it was safer...then she won't get "hurt" if she's not by her best friend... Sad because if her best friend stars her then she will be...it's all a little confusing.

AIBU to think this is an awful plan? Or am I being precious? Do tell me...

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 27/02/2014 18:04

It is a headache. The last time I did it was for a mixed age school trip abroad. 35 children to be sorted into bedroom and meal time groups based on 3 names that they wrote on a piece of paper.

It took a spreadsheet and about 2 hours - and that was with promising them only one of their names too.

To do it for an everyday event like a class seating plan is lunacy.

LongWayRound · 27/02/2014 18:13

Interesting idea, but how does it enable the teacher to see "who’s being bullied and who is doing the bullying"?

Original poster
BumpyGrindy · 27/02/2014 18:37

Manic she's promised them all one of their named friends too.

Long I suppose it allows them to see who has nobody listing them...so enables them to see who is being isolated. Every child SHOULD have at least one friend. If she finds any with none, then she can help them.

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 27/02/2014 18:39

But
a) It is very obvious if a child doesn't have any friends anyway
b) sometimes relatively popular children don't get written down at all - children who most people like but who nobody likes best iyswim

So the exercise serves no purpose as information for teachers, it just (usually!) works as a necessary evil to put children into groups they are happy with.

jollygoose · 27/02/2014 18:44

I thought it was a dreadful idea until I read the link suggested by Santana Lopez and now I think its genius - that is if its done with the right sensitivity.

lljkk · 27/02/2014 18:45

I would have thought it ruddy obvious who is extremely unpopular & who nobody likes. The kids always know this and some can tell you in detail exactly everyone else's social status. Was the same when I was a child, too.

LongWayRound · 27/02/2014 18:58

I can see how this might identify the bullied, but I still don't see how it would identify the bullies. I remember that the most unpleasant girls in my class could well have appeared to be the most popular, because they had a gang of supporters around them. Doesn't mean that the most popular are necessarily bullies, obviously.

Original poster
BumpyGrindy · 27/02/2014 19:06

I think the teachers must watch the dynamics of the group.....notice the queen bee who "chooses" her acolytes....then dispenses with them a week later....this is a good way of knowing.

OP posts:
ConferencePear · 27/02/2014 19:07

I've occasionally used this with older kids. If you have a class with disruptive pupils it can sometimes show you where the power lies and it's not always with the ones who are making most noise.

Oakmaiden · 27/02/2014 19:10

The greatly disliked child is easy to spot - the child who is ignored a lot less so.

Original poster
BumpyGrindy · 27/02/2014 19:12

I agree Oak you can see the kids playing on the playground but you can't hear what's being said all the time....the kid who appears to have a gang might just as well be a victim. I remember this going on at school ALL the time...one girl in our "gang" was always the scapegoat...always the one who got left out when we had to make pairs...always the one we'd whisper about.

None of us would have chosen her on our lists Sad I'm sad when I think about that....and of course I regret being a sheep...and following what our Queen Bee made us do....that would not have been noticed ordinarily but it WOULD if this plan was implemented.

OP posts:
AchyFox · 28/02/2014 13:41

It's nuts.

Irrespective of the ultimate motives, the idea is flawed.

Star Wars: I starred you, but you didn't star me.

It's weird to offer seating configuration as a prize.

Kids aren't stupid, they will work out if the seating configuration doesn't maximise their voting wishes.

Original poster
BumpyGrindy · 28/02/2014 14:04

I sort of feel that DD might lose out as she was very happy with the table she had...but it does make them get used to change...and I really doubt they're capable of working out the averages in this situation so I don't think they will work out that the teacher tricked them at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
BumpyGrindy · 28/02/2014 20:27

Well...DD got one of her choices and interestingly another little girl who she has always liked but who has been subject to some low level but persistent bullying and exclusion over the last couple of terms.

DD told me that this girl X had put DD down as her "starred" choice...so she was very pleased to get to sit with DD....DD then told me that she wished she had put X down too...she never because she "just didn't think of it at the time"

So it's things like this which could help that little girl...apparently she's been very upset by some of the other girls Sad I told DD she can invite her home any time.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 28/02/2014 20:35

I change tables at least weekly, often more than once per week, even sometimes between lessons. I want students to work with a mix of different people and there are different groupings needed for different tasks based on the purpose of the exercise. An exercise like this is more of an exercise in group dynamics, rather than letting children choose who they will sit with. It's also a much more gentle way than saying "divide yourself in to groups" which will leave one or two children on the fringe and still allows you to have a measure of control over the groups (breaking up the children that rub each other the wrong way, making sure that the groups are mixed ability, etc).

Liara · 28/02/2014 20:42

This was done when I was 6yo - I am 42 and still remember it because I put down the name of the one girl who was terribly bullied because I felt sorry for her. As a result I was sitting next to her (sets of two) for the rest of the year (I was the only one who put her name down) and got to see it really close and personal as she was hounded to the point she ended up having to leave the school.

Little girls can be horrible.

lilsupersparks · 28/02/2014 21:04

I've done the 'who do you work well with'. They seldom put their best buds in my experience! I don't think that seating plans should be friendship based but you need to put people with others they can work with - sometimes this means friends, especially if they are quiet. I wouldn't sit a very shy person next to a very gregarious or a challenging person.

Original poster
BumpyGrindy · 28/02/2014 21:23

This new seating arrangement is only for Friday afternoons...which is another interesting thing I think.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 28/02/2014 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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