Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To be fed up with splitting everything with people who have more children

54 replies

StandardHeight · 26/02/2014 22:00

We have only one dis. We wanted more but couldn't. I'm just quite fed up with some people whom think it's ok to split the bill when they have two or sometimes more kids. They should at least offer to chip in a bit more right? Family are the worst. We're next expected to split a holiday three ways when sil family get a chalet all to themselves while we have to share with parents in law.

OP posts:

justmyview · 26/02/2014 22:21

If you go for a meal, I think it's easier to split bill 3 ways, to avoid discussions about who had more chips, who ordered a salad etc. For accommodation, it seems fair enough that BIL and SIL pay for their chalet and you split cost of the other one with PIL. You could share PIL discount if you wish everyone to benefit from it

Original poster

StandardHeight · 26/02/2014 22:22

I would just expect bil to offer to put in a bit extra, but I know he won't. If he were being decent and doing that there would not be a problem.

OP posts:

Mintyy · 26/02/2014 22:22

I honestly can't remember. I suspect the cost of the accommodation was less than the cost of the flights.

Original poster

StandardHeight · 26/02/2014 22:24

Porto, it is crazy isn't it. Think dhs family consider that, oh they have more kids but that's not their fault so they shouldn't have to pay more. That sounds mad but I honestly think that's the way it is.

OP posts:

Original poster

StandardHeight · 26/02/2014 22:25

Mintyy would you have been offended if you were asked to pay more as wasn't sharing chalet? Put to one side you didn't really want to go for a mo, if I could ask.

OP posts:

JodieGarberJacob · 26/02/2014 22:28

When we've had a mixture of families we split it this way. Each adult = 2 and each child = 1 then we add up each family as a percentage of the total amount. E.g. For a family of 5, a family of 3 and a childless couple the percentages would be 7/16ths, 5/16ths and 4/16ths of the total cost. Meals out would be paid for per family but food and drink bought in would be divvied up as above.

Knowing how fragile family situations can be, I would probably let it go this time.

NearTheWindymill · 26/02/2014 22:29

But, if you were in a different sort of accommodation - say a bigger property with four bedrooms and each couple had a room each and the three children shared would it be a problem if you all paid a third - you would then be getting "even stevens" and if PIL are also paying a third remember they are paying more proportionately than either of the brothers.

I'd keep an eye on the food costs but I really wouldn't split hairs over the accommodation. You won't be doing this again because you can't and it isn't the time to have arguments over it for the sake of both your dh and his borther.

Original poster

StandardHeight · 26/02/2014 22:30

Jodie think you're right, it is a delicate time what with mils situation with ill health. It just makes me mad that we end up shelling out more that others when we are struggling ourselves.

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 26/02/2014 22:32

You should pay by the room.
I remember going away with my brother and his 3 children ( so 5 of them) . There was me and DH and our 18 month old who didn't eat much. After a couple of " let's just split the bill in half" 's I put my foot down.

rookiemater · 26/02/2014 22:33

Certainly wouldn't be paying the same to share a villa whilst BIl and family has his own.
We only have one DS and go away with other families and we split the costs by bedroom which is fine by me as DS isn't sharing a room so fair enough. However I have noticed when we go out for a meal, we always split by family which wasn't a problem when the DCs were younger but it seems a little bit unfair now as they each have 2DCs and some of their DDs have more sophisticated expensive tastes so we could be paying about 10 euros or so more per meal than we strictly should. I don't say anything, as it's not enough to spoil the atmosphere over, but I'd like to think if the situation was reversed that I would.

Mintyy · 26/02/2014 22:34

I don't know. Everyone had a bed and a bedroom of their own to sleep in. I think I might have refused to pay more, actually, as none of it was my idea! So I was already paying £100s to go on a holiday I didn't want. It would probably have pissed me off royally if I was asked to fork out more for the luxury of not having inlaws in with us.

Original poster

StandardHeight · 26/02/2014 22:36

It is unfair rookie isn't it. I would def suggest putting in more if situation was reversed. You are right when kids are toddlers it's no big deal. But my other sil now has 3 grown up kids who each down about 6 cokes at a meal. Without the now adult meal that alone costs a fortune.

OP posts:

Jinsei · 26/02/2014 22:39

Jinsel. Not sure why you justify an opinion of yabu. Surely it matters not how many children you have but that you pay for them and someone else doesn't.

Yeah, maybe. I guess I'm like your DH, I just see it as splitting hairs, especially when it's family. I agree it would be nice if they offered to pay a bit more but maybe they just haven't thought about it.

I often end up "subsidising" other people's kids, I don't resent it at all. I "subsidise" other adults too, because my vegetarian meals are invariably cheaper than their meaty ones. I font think they're deliberately failing to pay their way, they just haven't noticed.

Life's too short to get upset about stuff like this. If I don't like people enough to share what I've got freely, then I don't go out for meals or on holiday with them.

Original poster

StandardHeight · 26/02/2014 22:42

Fair enough jinsel. I take your point that life's too short. I do wish I could choose in this instance who to holiday with but sadly not this time. Need to just sink it don't i.

OP posts:

insearchoftheFlumFlumTree · 26/02/2014 22:43

I think it depends what sort of holiday you are having. If the chalets are just somewhere to sleep and in reality you will all be in and out of each other's chalets, having your meals together etc, the split is not necessarily that bad.

At the moment you're paying 1/3. There are 9 people going on the holiday, and 3 of you, therefore (assuming that the deal is that everyone benefits from PIL's discount) a fair split would be 3/9, i.e. 1/3. Your PILs are getting a poor deal, and your BIL's family are getting a good deal, but you are paying exactly what you should be.

Unless it isn't so much of a "group" holiday, and you do intend spending time in your own chalets separately, in which case it wouldn't be unreasonable to reconsider the cost split.

Jinsei · 26/02/2014 22:44

Given that your mil is quite ill, I'd be inclined not to rock the boat this time - no point in causing a big family row.

Just start making plans for a different holiday next year!

Ledkr · 26/02/2014 23:21

We chipped in equal amounts last year and bil sil and their dps stayed in a luxury three bed all mod cons chalet.
We got our own but it was scruffy and old, the lowest grade accom, pet friendly dd is asthmatic allergic to dander!
I still can't work out if we should have paid the sane

Blu · 26/02/2014 23:40

So your PILS are entitled to a discount, the benefit of which your DH will share amongst all 3 families , and then your 2 ILS will pay a third share despite being 2 people compared to two families?

It sounds as if they are getting the worst deal of your DH's holiday tour guide service. Where has he done his training for the role? Fawlty Towers? Benidorm (the sitcom) ?

CrohnicallyFarting · 27/02/2014 06:51

If you are splitting meal bills etc 3 ways, then it's PIL who are subsidising BIL not you. If you worked it out per person then you would pay about the same anyway, BIL would pay more and PIL would pay less.

I can see your point about hate accommodation, however as it's all booked I think it is a bit late to raise it. You should have raised it at the point of deciding on how many chalets to book and who was sleeping in them.

CrohnicallyFarting · 27/02/2014 06:52

Hate accommodation? I think it was meant to be the accommodation, no idea how the iPad figured that one out though!

thewalrus · 27/02/2014 07:40

There are two themes to your posts - that you resent the fact your BIL doesn't offer to pay (and that your DH won't ask him), and that you feel you can't afford to pay more than your share. If the most important is the first one, I think you need to grin and bear it in the circs (and, as someone else said, focus on planning a different holiday next year). If you genuinely can't afford it, you need to push your DH harder on it.

We have 3 DCs and tend to be 'subsidised' by my SILs family, parents etc on meals out, but we always offer to contribute our share. In the chalet situation you describe I would definitely expect us to pay for our own chalet if we were having one to ourselves.

Eatriskier · 27/02/2014 08:55

I dont think yanbu.

I've been to meals with certain close family members who think that everyone should split the bill equally, this doesnt seem unreasonable until you factor in that both my dcs meals combined don't come to the cost of one course of what they were choosing, plus the cost of their booze. I caused a bit of a ruckus by pointing that out and saying we could either pay for what we had eaten or I'll pay for my kids and we can split the rest of the bill equally. The couple (there were a few of us, most people saw my point) were very angry about this, but they were well off when we are fairly broke and had blatently picked more expensive options expecting to the subsidised. needles to say I've never made the mistake of going out with them without agreeing beforehand that we pay our own ways. and this couple oddly now dont have a blow out when they have to pay.

maybe your bil isn't the same buy it does leave a bad taste.

sorry about your mil though

WottaTheOdds · 27/02/2014 09:05

It sounds as if they {PiL]are getting the worst deal of your DH's holiday tour guide service

That's exactly what I thought: they are paying 33% of a discounted amount (discount entirely down to them) for less than a quarter of the available accommodation. Are they moaning?

HadABadDay2014 · 27/02/2014 09:06

In my family the cost is split between the adults.

If my sister had to pay per child she wouldn't be able to come on a family holiday, which I would walk over hot coals to avoid as it wouldn't be a holiday without them.

WottaTheOdds · 27/02/2014 09:08

Though in essence I am with Mintyy...there isn't enough money in the world to have persuaded me to go on holiday with my ex in laws!

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread