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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its weird to refer to your partners parents as in-laws?

76 replies

montgomerymadison · 26/02/2014 00:42

My colleague has been with a guy for one year. They are not engaged, nor do they live together yet she refers to his parents as the in-laws. His parents also live a few hours away so it's not as if she sees them frequently.

I'd understand in more long term relationships where you've lived together and had children and for whatever reason not been married to call partners parents in laws then.

Aibu to think the first however is rather odd?

OP posts:
TheRoadLessTravelled · 26/02/2014 00:45

We always called them the out-laws at that stage :)

YABU. It's easier to say in-laws then DPs parents.

2cats2many · 26/02/2014 00:49

YABU. Each to their own.

Bogeyface · 26/02/2014 00:53

YABU

She probably uses it as a short cut rather than saying "My boyfriends parents".

This is one of those things I find it hard to understand people getting worked up about!

BumPotato · 26/02/2014 01:07

I used outlaws until they became my in-laws, too.

BumPotato · 26/02/2014 01:09

I cringe when people use stepdad and step mum or step kids when technically they're not.

Bubblegoose · 26/02/2014 01:10

yabu.

BOFtastic · 26/02/2014 01:13

I don't really see the problem. If they are in a serious relationship, it's just shorthand really.

What does make me a bit Hmm is when people on here talk about their 'DP', when it transpires that they have been dating for about six weeks.

FrancesGlass · 26/02/2014 01:13

YABU. Most likely it's conversational shorthand.

FrancesGlass · 26/02/2014 01:14

Xpost BOF

And yes, 'partner' is an odd term to use in a fledgling relationship.

RandomInternetStranger · 26/02/2014 01:16

I don't think you are BU.

I was seeing someone for 10 months who referred to my parents as his in laws and I really did not like it at all. But then he was doing a lot which I would only expect after a long time together but at that stage was taking liberties and it was all very weird and he was far too into us as if we were married. Very odd. I wouldn't refer to my partner's parents as in laws unless we were married and they were my in laws!

Topaz25 · 26/02/2014 01:28

I cringe when people use stepdad and step mum or step kids when technically they're not.

So by your reasoning I can't refer to my mum's longterm live in partner, who has been a part of my life for over a decade, as my stepdad just because they're not married? He helped raise me and my brother but because they didn't have a ceremony he's not a stepparent? What should I call him?

Blueuggboots · 26/02/2014 02:03

Well clearly Topaz, "that bloke that lives with my mum and helped raise me" is much more accurate??!WinkWink

BumPotato · 26/02/2014 02:12

Topaz call him what you like, and I can cringe if I like.

Pumpkinpositive · 26/02/2014 02:41

Topaz call him what you like, and I can cringe if I like.

But why are you cringing?

MrsMook · 26/02/2014 03:49

YABU. It's a short hand with fairly clear meaning.

Most of my family are described by the "wrong" title as I was brought by grandparents with step family involved. The titles I use are true from the heart and the technical titles are too remote and confused to describe the meaning of my relationships.

crispsanddips · 26/02/2014 04:00

Yabu.

People call people what they are comfortable with and how they see that person.

My mum has been with her partner for 15 years. They have lived together for 12 of them. They are not married. "Stepdad" sums up our relationship perfectly. Why would you cringe at me using one word to describe him, rather than saying "my mums boyfriend who ive lived with since I was nine, so is pretty much a parent"

pricklyPea · 26/02/2014 04:07

I call mine 'that woman'"and we're married. .but that's a whole other story. .

Yabu. Who cares. Unless it's been a week of casual dating..then it's weird.

TamerB · 26/02/2014 06:30

It is just simpler- nothing more than that.

WottaTheOdds · 26/02/2014 06:48

Mr Odds came into my life when my children were in their twenties and we married about a year later (no time to hang around at our age Grin) and it seems odds to refer to him as their stepfather so we tend to call him them father/dc in law.

They have a brilliant relationship btw, but he wasn't involved in their upbringing so in law seems more suitable somehow. But probably wrong, so cringe away all those who can be arsed to do so!

perplexedpirate · 26/02/2014 06:54

Agree with Topaz. My mum has been with her partner for 17 years. He is more of a parent to me than my own father, or her ex husband, or indeed my own mum is.
He walked me down the aisle and my son calls him grandad.
The only reason I don't call him my step-dad is if I call him Dad.
I can't begin to imagine how cringeworthy that is! Hmm

TheRaniOfYawn · 26/02/2014 07:14

My mum's partner raised my sister and me from when we were two and seven years old and was a parent to us in every way except the biological one. They weren't married. They couldn't get married. What should I call her if not my stepmother?

FreyaFridays · 26/02/2014 07:20

I've been with my partner for six years, and Mum now refers to him as her son-in-law. It doesn't bother him, and when she sends him stuff she always signs it off as "from the mother-in-law". We think it's quite funny and endearing, though I think it's a bit of a shove towards a wedding from her end!

Winterwardrobetime · 26/02/2014 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ithaka · 26/02/2014 07:27

I have the opposite problem with step parents! Both my parent's remarried, but I hate using the term 'step mum' or 'step dad' as i don't feel they really raised me (or gave that much of a shit about me when I was younger).

I felt I had a mum & dad, so I had a full set of parents. But then I had a step mum & dad too - but they aren't my parents.

If you say 'my mum/dad's husband/wife' it makes you sound rude and resentful, even though that is the accurate description of their role in my life. Modern terminology is tricky.

BrownSauceSandwich · 26/02/2014 07:31

In-law is shorthand. Stepdad etc are a state of mind. I "technically" had a step-mother, and i never considered her as such. Relationships are much more fluid and flexible than they once were: So many of us have parents we never speak to, or cousins more like siblings, or an in-law who feels like a best friend... Call them what makes sense to you.