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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think not going abroad is OK?

81 replies

Caff2 · 25/02/2014 00:12

My elder son (13.5) has never been abroad. In fact, he's never been on holiday as such - but loads of interesting day trips. My dad's semi retired now (a classicist) and is looking into taking him to Pompeii this Summer - just him and my dad, no one else can afford it.

I don't think he's deprived. He seems to have had a lot of nice treats and experiences. I don't really get the holiday angst. (DS2 is only one and a half, and seems happy to pootle around the countryside looking at sheep :) )

I haven't been abroad since I was 17 - I'm 36 now. I feel OK and not deprived.

OP posts:

fedupandfifty · 25/02/2014 11:17

Personally, I feel that taking young children abroad is unnecessary. I think as adults we see the world through adult eyes and assume that children experience things the same way. I'm not sure about "interesting experiences" either. I think any experiences should be age-appropriate and likely to be remembered by the child. My dd has been on loads of Drayton Manor-type trips but can remember hardly any of them. My friend takes her ds (now 6) to America every year, but I doubt the child will remember, let alone appreciate, any of it.

However your ds's proposed trip sounds great. He's the right sort of age to appreciate it. Go for it!

MrsDavidBowie · 25/02/2014 11:22

I am not a big traveller....went away abroad for the first time at 21.
Dh and D's do big trips..Australia...I am not interested. I like short breaks, maybe a week away at the most. Hate living out of a suitcase.

Dd is not interested in holidays..she's 17 and gets anxious at the thought of going away.

I
Dh and I are planning a 2 week trip to East coast of America next year, just the two of us. That:s a big step for me. I wish I could be more excited about going away as we can afford it

wordfactory · 25/02/2014 13:09

I love the UK and make sure my DC have seen a fasir bit of it but it's a tiny island.

Out there, not too far away are places, people and things utterly different to anything here!

I think one of the greatest gifts you can give your DC is an understanding of just that...

SeaSickSal · 25/02/2014 13:17

I have to say the people I know who've not been abroad tend to have a mindset which is very closed and cannot quite comprehend that people do things different ways. I think even the mindset of not wanting to go abroad shows a lack of imagination and adventurousness.

You know it always makes me think of the kind of people who when they do eventually go abroad take tea bags, marmite, baked beans and tins of John Smith because they can't really deal with the idea of eating a different diet for a few weeks and enjoying immersing themselves in a different culture.

squoosh · 25/02/2014 13:20

YABU to have never taken your 13 year old on holiday, not even a low cost camping type holiday in the UK. Day trips just aren't the same.

Crowler · 25/02/2014 13:20

Out there, not too far away are places, people and things utterly different to anything here!

I think one of the greatest gifts you can give your DC is an understanding of just that...

Yes, this.

JackNoneReacher · 25/02/2014 13:23

If you're happy not to go abroad that's absolutely fine.

If your dh wants to and someone else is willing to take him, that's great! What's to discuss?

JackNoneReacher · 25/02/2014 13:23

*ds

treaclesoda · 25/02/2014 13:28

I am ridiculously envious of my friends who live elsewhere in the UK because its so easy for my friends in England to jump on a flight to France/Spain/Italy in a way that I can't do from where I live.

I don't go along with this whole idea that travel is some sort of essential human right, and that anyone who chooses to holiday in the UK is some sort of ill educated xenophobe, so in that respect not going abroad is fine. But at the same time, I'd jump at the chance to go abroad more often if I lived somewhere that made it more accessible!

IdRatherPlayHereWithAllTheMadM · 25/02/2014 13:32

wordfactory totally agree.

You can become very inward looking by staying in one place.

shewhowines · 25/02/2014 13:52

I met someone once, from the Midlands, who hadn't even been to London.

It's such wide world out there. Why wouldn't you want to see some of it. A very closed mind attitude.

I can understand someone not going because they can't afford it, but to not want to experience anything outside your immediate vicinity, is completely alien to me, unless of course there are anxiety issues.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 25/02/2014 13:55

shewhowines - hello, somebody else here from the Midlands who has never even been to London . It's just really not that interesting to many people. If I am going to have a weekend away, or even a day trip I like to go somewhere I consider relaxing or that interests me.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 25/02/2014 13:58

Sorry, I should have added - I have been to lots of different locations around the world (pre DC) & the UK. So it's not that I don't like to travel or don't believe in a world outside of the midlands .

squoosh · 25/02/2014 14:02

I find it mindblowing that you could spend your life in the Midlands having never even darkened London's door.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 25/02/2014 14:07

I didn't actually say I liked living in the Midlands - I was born here & have never moved away - although we do spend a fair amount of time in East Devon too.

I've just never been interested in visiting London - maybe I'd love it, who knows?

TheBookofRuth · 25/02/2014 14:09

How do you know whether London would interest you or not if you've never been? There's enough going on there that I find it hard to believe there'd be nothing to capture your attention.

cory · 25/02/2014 14:10

I don't think there is any reason to believe that this 13yo's experience will be in any way similar to that of a child who is taken on a package tour by his parents and ends up by the hotel pool with no interaction with local life. The grandfather is a classicist, a man whose job it is to make the past come alive and who will know lots about it, he may well even speak Italian (does he, OP?). I travelled to Italy and Greece under similar circumstances and it was really wonderful.

wordfactory · 25/02/2014 14:17

Santa have you never wanted to see St Pauls? Or Westminster? Or the Tower of London? Or the Natural History Museum? Or Tate Modern?

squeakytoy · 25/02/2014 14:20

"I've just never been interested in visiting London - maybe I'd love it, who knows?"

It is the capital city of the country you live in. It has amazing history.. I really do not understand people who have no interest in seeing things like this.

IdRatherPlayHereWithAllTheMadM · 25/02/2014 14:23

I understand it, people see London as Oxford street and not as a series of unique villages each one with its own character.

I understand it I would just never want my own DC to be like this! I really want them to be open and yearning to see whats round the corner.

DorisAllTheDay · 25/02/2014 14:32

YANBU. I never took my DDs abroad when they were young - I was a single parent and didn't have the time, money or tbh energy. I mostly did day trips with the occasional long weekend camping. We have some of the most fantastic memories, and they don't feel they missed out. Both are now in their 20s. DD1 hardly ever does the holiday thing herself and is quite content to stay close to home, enjoying what's at hand. DD2 has the wanderlust and she's now in China teaching English - she had a year abroad as part of her degree and had a blast. I'm sure neither of them were in any way damaged by not having holidays. They learnt to make the most of what's around them, without having any of their adventurous spirit curbed. And in any case I don't see what's so great about taking small DC on a package holiday to a sunny destination - yep, fine if it's your thing and you all enjoy it, but it's not as if the children are getting some kind of mind-expanding experience.

The trip to Pompeii sounds fantastic though, and your son is old enough to get loads out of it. Would your dad have room for me as well? I'd love to see Pompeii with an expert!

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 25/02/2014 14:33

When you choose somewhere to go - be it for a weekend, a day trip or a holiday - you choose somewhere that you think you would like to see don't you? Somewhere you would be excited about going to. That, for me, has just never been London. In the same way that some people have no interest in visiting Edinburgh, Cardiff, Manchester etc.

I wouldn't really expect someone who lived in London, or loved London (or even liked it ) to understand but I am by no means unique. I know several very well travelled people who have never been to London - apart from Heathrow airport.

I suppose we can't all visit everywhere in the world and we all make choices about which places we want to see most.

I'm not saying I'll never go or that there is something I actively dislike about London.

squeakytoy · 25/02/2014 14:40

I just cant see how anyone would not be excited about visiting london though. It is less than two hours away from the midlands.. and there is just so much to see, so much history..

As a child who grew up in the north west, I would see London on the news, see the Palaces, the bridges, the shops.. places that are in films, places that are in some of the classic books.. I couldnt wait to go.

I have lived here for 15 years now and still enjoy a day of sightseeing when I get the opportunity.

I have been to many other cities in the UK too, in fact probably almost every major city, but none of them can really beat London for the amount of things to see and do.

Joysmum · 25/02/2014 14:43

My mum and dad mostly toured Britain on long weekends away. As a consequence, I'm good at geography and hist

Joysmum · 25/02/2014 14:43

..ory!

It did me well at school.

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