AIBU to think not going abroad is OK?

[Caff2]

My elder son (13.5) has never been abroad. In fact, he's never been on holiday as such - but loads of interesting day trips. My dad's semi retired now (a classicist) and is looking into taking him to Pompeii this Summer - just him and my dad, no one else can afford it.

I don't think he's deprived. He seems to have had a lot of nice treats and experiences. I don't really get the holiday angst. (DS2 is only one and a half, and seems happy to pootle around the countryside looking at sheep :) )

I haven't been abroad since I was 17 - I'm 36 now. I feel OK and not deprived.

I don't think he's deprived per se. So long as you have explained that you haven't got the time/had the opportunity or the cash. Also that you believe the UK has lots to offer by way of experiences. Not because you don't like "forinners" or "forrin food" or some such nonsense. It doesn't sound as though that's what you're telling him so YANBU.

Both are fine. Plenty of interesting things to see in the UK, plenty of interesting things to see abroad.

I am sure he will be happier if you don't teach him that there is some kind of conflict between the way you do things and the way your dad does them. (grew up in a family where we always did things the Right Way, and it was pretty exhausting)

(And incidentally, you don't have to do more harm to your carbon footprint by going abroad than by holidaying in the UK. A trip across the Channel on the ferry or through the tunnel is no more wasteful than a trip across the UK.)

People who don't go abroad aren't necessarily deprived.

Although going abroad is a life enhancing experience. To see the history of other countries which we don't have. To see geographical features which we don't have. To experience difference cultures, languages, foods, currencies. The experience of travelling is a good thing, including a plane journey, especially if it's the first time.

Foreign travel can only be a good thing.

He is only 13 and going abroad with his grandad- sounds fine to me. My mother has been to Canada, New Zealand- all over- but she didn't even have a passport until she was 60 yrs- you don't have to rush to fit it all in before 18yrs.

We had one family holiday abroad when I was 16. Then when I was in my 20's I went to Tenerife, Paris and Malta. I doubt I will be able to afford it again. Ds1 (18) has been on a school trip abroad but ds2 (16) didn't want to go. We holiday in Caravans locally and I don't feel they have missed out.

We live in the Scottish Highlands and there is no such thing as a short ferry trip to France.

There are opportunities to see amazing things in this country too. We have never been abroad with the children (for various reasons) but we've had amazing holidays and some really great experiences in the UK.

The holidays I really don't get are the ones that go abroad and either lie on a beach for a fortnight and see nothing or stick their kids in a club all day and spend no time with them, but it's deemed more 'special' because its abroad. But like everything else it's each to their own and we are hoping to go abroad next year just for some bloody heat!

To me it's not souch about where you go but what you do when you get there. I've been to Pompeii myself years ago and its amazing so I bet your DS will have a great time but I'm sure he doesnt feel he's gone without up til now.

I would rather go without "nice treats" and save for a trip, TBH. Children learn so much from other cultures when they travel (I don't mean sitting on a beach).

Personally I love going abroad with my family but I would never ever say a child is deprived if they have never been!

It's not essential of course but sounds like it would be lovely for him and of course for your dad too.

I must admit I think it's a shame when people haven't been abroad, through choice. There are lots of things to do in the UK but going abroad can give wider experiences and broaden the mind to the fact that not everyone lives like the English and other countries can be vastly different in landscape, climate and just 'feel'.

The above said, it's all very well saying that but if you can't afford it then there is absolutely no shame in that. I really do not mean to come across as patronising in saying that.

DH never did foreign holidays before we met, but for me my parents highly valued foreign holidays so I was very lucky and had been on lots. We try to take a foreign holiday most years and for us, we would rather go without other things to be able to afford it.

I think there is something to be said for holidays whether abroad or in the UK, just the feel of a few days away rather than just a day trip. If money is the problem could you house swap with friends or go on a Sun £10 holiday?

For a child it's fine.

For somebody never to go abroad though ... well, it's ok in the sense that it won't kill them (in fact I guess it's safer!) but to me it's very sad. Travel is one of the best things about life imo and if you don't see different cultures, countries and landscapes then I think you aren't getting to live life to its fullest.

But then finances stop many people doing that in all kinds of ways, many of them far worse than not being able to travel (not being able to eat or heat for example!)

So YANBU.

As a mother of adult children, I find it interesting to see the change in attitude to foreign holidays, from being a luxury to being almost a necessity.
Early on we holidayed in the UK. We had great times, even in the rain. Later on we traveled extensively abroad, usually camping. And had great times.
But I would never claim that it 'broadened' or was especially educational. Children don't interact with local culture. They're children. We didn't do packages, but that doesn't mean that they gain insight into a country because, yes, they're children. (Awaits a poster to come on and tell me how their dh engaged the locals in discussion). And as for them gaining knowledge of geographical formations!
So, do what feels good, but don't think it's educational. My three remember hardly anything of all those holidays. The one they remember was the canal holiday in a wet February.
Lastly, all those sights will still be there in 10 years time, they don't have to see them now (and, if they're under 5, they probably won't remember them.)

Seems a shame to me, there's a big beautiful world out there to explore. My mum went without in other ways to ensure she could take us on foreign holidays every couple of years and I have wonderful memories of them.

Of course it's ok. I do remember getting some ribbing at school for uk holidays and this was replicated recently by my 10 year old neice recently!!

We had a single holiday during my entire childhood, a disastrous wet week in a caravan, neither of my parents ever had passports, and I first left my home country aged eighteen to work as an au pair in France - but there was no expectation that anyone would go on a holiday abroad then. (One girl in my class at school once went to a Spanish resort, and we all thought it was exotic and unheard of.) I've travelled a lot as an adult and lived in a lot of different countries.

My toddler has travelled a lot for a one year old, but that's mostly circumstantial because his grandparents are in another country, and also all our friends are scattered and we have no one to leave him with when we travel - he will have been in France, Switzerland, Italy and Ireland before turning two. But we aren't from the UK, and I'm dying to explore all the bits we don't know well with him as he gets older.

OP, when you say you don't get the 'foreign holiday angst' - who is angsting about it? You, or other people?

Travel is pretty high up on my "nice to have" list because it's a great learning experience for children. We've explored a lot of ruins/caves/volcanos/museums, practiced French/Spanish/Arabic, etc. The UK is amazing for historical adventures, but it's only part of the story.

"Children don't interact with local culture. They're children. We didn't do packages, but that doesn't mean that they gain insight into a country because, yes, they're children. (Awaits a poster to come on and tell me how their dh engaged the locals in discussion). And as for them gaining knowledge of geographical formations! "

I still remember the first conversation I ever had in a foreign language. 'twas in Winchester cathedral. I bought a postcard

Indeed I remember very clearly the holidays I had with my parents as a child: I learnt so much about history, so much about different ways of living and it inspired me with such a love of languages.

Seeing my parents engage with all these different people in different languages, realising that if I only put a little bit of work in I could have that, knowing that you could make friendships that could last a lifetime (my uncle still writes to a woman whom my grandfather got to know when holidaying in Venice in the '50's)- it was life-changing.

Perhaps it was because they were so enthusiastic and so interested in anything that was going on around them.

But of course, there could have been plenty of other things we could have done instead that would have been equally valuable.

Very true, carlajean. We didn't expect to go abroad as children - we stayed with relatives or in a caravan, mainly in Scotland. My children are now adults, we did go abroad, but it was mainly holiday cottages in UK.
Now everyone is getting uptight because the package holiday prices go up in school holidays, as if it is new. They want the prices to be cheaper, whereas we just settled for cheaper at home. The only difference is the policy on term time holidays, but my parents would never have taken us out and in 23yrs of school with 3 children, I did it once, with the eldest before he was 6yrs.

of course he isnt i first went abroad when i was 27 older Yanbu your son will have a great time

I do not think because you feel a certain way about a subject imply thats its ok for all of us.

I didn't go away until 12 and after that not again until I was able to take myself.

Travel for me, as a human and for my family is vitally important.

I think it is better to travel than not to travel but there is plenty of travel to exhaust in the United Kingdom before DC need to go abroad.

Pompeii with Grandad sound like a fantastic first trip abroad!

"Children don't interact with local culture."

Oh come on. Don't think that all DC are the same as your DC!

My first trip abroad was with my (now) DH in my 20's. As a child I loved our UK holidays and never felt deprived or a need to go abroad. However, I now love the travelling that we do as a family, there is so much to see and do in the world, and I love the excitement of going on an aeroplane, meeting new people and trying new languages. I'm awful at mixing with 'locals' but my DH who has travelled all his life can speak a few lines of most languages, and always encourages the children to give it a go, even if the waiter/waitress speaks perfect English they seem to appreciate people making the effort, and the kids love it to. The trip to Pompeii sounds like it will be a fantastic experience for your ds to share with his grandfather. He hasn't been deprived by not having holidays, but he will certainly have an exciting time.

Fgs, isn't what we're doing is coming on giving our opinions and experiences. I'm not stupid, I was just giving my viewpoint.

When I was younger (3 - 14) I got taken all over the world, the Caribbean, spain, egypt, Cyprus, yet all we ever did was stay in the resorts because my parents were, quite frankly, to xenophobic to 'mix with locals', and although we went to see some sights and had a wonderful time, I never felt as though I actually visited the country, just the diluted 'holiday version'.
So you can travel abroad and still not actually experience other countries!

However I would give my right arm to go to Pompeii, and am looking forward to being able to afford my own more culturally based holidays - two friends of mine are at the end of a year abroad (came into inheritance money) and they have eaten thousands of new foods, made lots of friends of all nationalities, experienced amazing hospitality from people in Mongolia to Chile, (and the worst possible 'hospitality in a couple of other countries) gone on nights out with local people in Lithuanian Irish pubs, done the Inca trail and generally had not only the time of their lives, but (not that they needed it) a great 'personality rounding' experience that builds confidence and is a great eye opener to how other people live all over the world.

That being said, my favourite place in the world is the Cornish coast - Nanjizel to Morwenstow, and we go every year!