to be perfectly happy in my own company?

[Stinklebell]

because apparently it's "weird"

I'm not madly extrovert, not a hermit either, but I am perfectly happy pottering around by myself.

I work part time from home, and I've just had a very nice couple of hours with Sky+ and my ironing pile

DH is the opposite, loves company, always organising get togethers and nights out - even stuff like a Saturday night takeaway turns into a mad social gathering and sometimes I just find it a bit too much.

My DH went away with our kids a couple of weeks ago, and a friend was all "oh, you can't stay home on your own, I'll be over Friday with some wine, we'll go shopping Saturday then we'll go out Saturday night". It was lovely of her, but she didn't quite get that actually, I am just fine tootling around alone. I like mooching around the shops on my own, I like chilling out with a film or something on my own. I don't want to stand outside the school gates for an hour every morning chatting, or go somewhere for coffee or meet up for lunch every day

I don't mind friends over, I don't mind meeting friends for a coffee, I just don't want to do it all the time. I like my own space, I like my own company, I'm not bored or lonely, I just don't want to be surrounded by people all the time.

It's not unreasonable, right?

Me too. Thank you for the link !

My dm talks a lot but unsure if she is an extrovert. Maybe it is nervous energy. Sometimes we are in a room together and I am quietly on mn and she has to talk.

I also do not like seeing friends often. I have this idea that we will eventually irritate one another. I like balance in friendships and the opportunity to actually miss someone. I hate the idea of living in someone's pocket.

My dh is very sociable but also takes time out.

I'm moving house soon and I'm using it as an opportunity to subtly lose touch with all the people in my life who just cannot seem to understand that actually I'm fine just being by myself a lot of the time. I get sick of feeling pressured into meet-ups, mostly because people just don't take no for an answer. I'm moving to a completely new area and the question I'm asked most is won't I feel isolated, but in reality that's the most appealing thing about the whole thing. I present a cheerful and bubbly persona to the world but I honestly find it all exhausting.

I'm like this too!!

It's nice to know other people like their own company too. My DH is the complete opposite and always planning meet ups with friends for lunch/coffee and night outs etc. I don't mind socialising sometimes, and I do enjoy it when I do, but I also crave a bit of alone time. I have a 3 and 5yr olds and when I am not at work I'm with them. Only in the evenings after they go to bed, do I get time off, but then DH is there most of the time. I love it when he goes to play squash or cycling in the evening and I get most of the evening to myself then...but only happens once a fortnight or so.

I would love to spend a day at home pottering around, watching telly, reading books, etc, but I never get the opportunity. I can't remember the last time I had that.
In a few days time I'm going away to Berlin for a weekend with some friends and it's going to be full on partying, socialising for 3 days and I'm going to be mentally exhausted by the time I get home. It's not easy to get even a bit of alone time when you go away as a group and staying in the same apartment.

I've done the going to the cinema alone thing too. Once I booked a day off (pre kids) and when to see Down with Love...a soppy trashy film that DH definitely would not have wanted to watch, but I still remember that day fondly.
Recently I went on my own to see a film on a Saturday night. I had an argument with DH and I made out I was more annoyed than I was, and I flounced out and went to the cinema on my own and really enjoyed it! DH would never go to the cinema on his own so he'd never understand and will be if I said I wanted to go to the cinema on my own on a sat night.

I had my previous post deleted because the link wasn't correct, but the book I was recommending is by Susan Cain and is called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking.

On a serious note, does any one else find that not having enough alone time takes a toll on their mental health? I am not an only child, one of 4 in fact. My siblings and parents are all loud and like to talk incessantly. If I am around them for any length of time I feel very down. I had a career in a world of extroverts and could act the role pretty well but had enough outlets for my introversion to get through it. I'm now back to square one, living family life with a DH and DC who are all loud and lively extroverts. I love them to bits, but none of them seem to get my need to just be quiet.

I've only just realised that this is completely normal! I'm an only child too, so maybe there'sa connection. I wish my dd-also an only -would be happier with her own company. She'd rather have the company of a child she doesn't like than be on her own.I don't get that!

My ideal day would be:

get up, shower/ dress to Radio 4 in the comfort of a tidy, neat home.
tea/ coffee (for one) in the company of Radio 4 or Jazz fm.
jump in car, put some cheesy music on and drive somewhere different.
grab a burger en-route.
mooch around shops for as long as I like.
drive back home, grabbing something to eat en-route, in my own time.

Arrive at empty, tidy house, watch some telly then bed.

Bliss! No-one to please but myself. No irritating small talk disturbing the peace.

I wish!

Oh, I love that link!

Personal space is really important to me. I'm tactile with my loved ones, when I want to be, but I can feel unnerved if people invade my space without any sort of warning. Strangers in my personal space are particularly unwelcome, eg in a queue for the till at the supermarket. I find myself edging away, but then they edge closer. Grrr!

I'm also a bit over-sensitive to noise- I wonder if any others find that?

Yes to the noise thing! There's a book called Quiet-sorry too lazy to link-which makes interesting reading. Me to a T!

YANBU. I need time alone, as much as I love my family I can't be with people all the time. Even on holiday or big family occasions. Thankfully my DH understands (or tolerates) and makes sure I get space if I look like I'm losing the plot.

I'm not a tactile person at all and have to be reminded to hug my family and can also be over-sensitive to noise - but I think that might be because my hearing isn't all that good and so I struggle to distinguish sounds with too much background noise. So glad I'm not as strange as I thought I was!

YANBU - DH is away tonight, and I'm very much looking forward to a nice evening on the turbo trainer and watching terrible TLC TV programmes.

Someone suggested I join a running club and I was all confused as I love the peace of running with the dog

CMOT I feel your pain! I hate it when people take perfectly good solitaire activities like running or knitting and turn them into social events.

I also get annoyed when DH goes on a business trip, leaving me to my own devices, and people with good intentions invite themselves over to keep me company. I know I'm lucky to have people who care but it just makes it more exhausting for me.

Oh god, I love my own company and I'm always being called 'weird' by people who don't understand.

I bought my house last year and I've come to realise that both sets of neighbours each side are raging extroverts. They always have a house full; grown up kids, thier kids, boyfriends, girlfriends, siblings, friends, aunts, uncles, grandparents. The street looks like a car park outside thier houses most days and the noise is unbearable if they break loose and go outside.

I love being alone so much that I find it difficult having a baby because he always here! Also love radio 4.

I can just about cope having no time away from DH as I know him well enough to pretend he's not here.

I don't like hugging either - I'll happily hug and cuddle my kids, very tactile with them, not so much with DH - he likes to snuggle on the sofa or cuddle in bed and I'm just "get off me". I'm ok for a while, and it doesn't mean I don't love him, but I like my space, I like to curl up in a tight ball to sleep, I don't want legs and arms wrapped around me. MiL always insists on a hug and kiss goodbye, after 20 odd years you'd think she'd accept that I hate it but she always makes an issue out of it and it's embarrassing

I don't like people in my space either, I don't like anyone too close. In a conversation with someone I like a good few feet between us, I back away, they get closer and on we go until I'm pinned to a wall

Noise doesn't bother me too much, I hate silence and usually have the radio on or something, I don't like it loud, but prefer some level of background noise

I'm glad I'm not alone, I do feel a bit like I don't fit in my social group/family sometimes. Everyone else seems to crave company and prefer to have a houseful. I like it up to a point, but I also like it when everyone goes home

I am like this and so is my husband. Interestingly, though I've made sure we've gone to lots of baby classes etc together, our two year old is also obviously of a similar personality type. Initially I tried to 'make' him more outgoing, but have concluded that he's just similar to us, so although he attends a nursery and activities with other children, I also make sure he has time to play with his toys quietly at home. It seems society wants everyone to be extroverts.

I am another one who loves it when her husband is away on business, whereas a friend of mine takes her children and moves back to her parents rather than stay a night in her own company.

And actually, what annoys me about it is, that instead of just accepting me and leaving me to get along with it, everyone starts trying to diagnose me with something.

I must be depressed, or maybe "a bit autistic" "boring" "lonely" "party pooper"

I'm not like them and they're 'right', so there must be something 'wrong' with me

Another introvert here! I wasn't an only child but DB went to boarding school so I spent a lot of the time as an only with a sibling for short periods of time. DH is also an introvert, we can happily exist in the same space, each doing our own thing without a word being said! The only difference is DH enjoys listening to music whereas I prefer complete silence. Our DC appear to be extroverts... weekends and holidays are in some respects a nightmare for me as they have friends in and out or I'm having to take them places to meet friends and all I want to do is curl up with my book or get on with crafts etc in peace! Even when they don't have friends round, they are sat skyp'ing whilst playing minecraft etc...(!) I want peace and quiet not noise!

DH has taken DC away with him whilst I have a few days home alone (with or without the dog) and it's been bliss.. in fact, so bliss that time goes too quickly and I start to yearn for my next weekend alone! Friends and family however, don't understand and keep asking me what I'm going to do with my time? and won't you be lonely? Erm... read, craft, mooch round the shop, get a coffee and read a book and err.. not lonely at all!! In fact last week, I took ds1 and 2 friends for a cinema trip & meal out - I mooched round the shops & had coffee whilst they watched their film and then I sat on a different table to eat my meal with my book in front of me - it was lush! My only complaint was the coffee was a bit naff after my meal... that would have made it perfect!!

I don't like having visitors for more than a couple of hours, having family visiting is so hard (& it's happening this weekend......), it's not that I don't want to see them but that after a couple of hours, I've had enough of company and want peace and my own space again!

Ooh, hello fellow introverts!
Stinklebell - you sound exactly like me! All of your posts I could have written myself. I love being alone, and need it to function properly the rest of the time.
I adore my Dh and Dcs, and luckily they're all on the quiet introverted side too, and I love it when we spend family time together, but I still need my time alone. It's very important to me.
I also get fed up with people thinking you must be some kind of miserable party pooper or weird loner if you don't enjoy incessantly chatting and socialising.
As a child I constantly had people coming up to me with "Are you okay Gandalf?" "What's wrong, why are you sad?" Or "Is everything okay, why are you sulking? Etc etc, blah blah... No I'm not miserable or upset, or have something wrong with me, and I don't need your small talk or sympathy, I'm just quiet and I like being alone!! Grrrr.

introverts thread is hiding over here

Stinklebell Your last post really rang true for me.

For years my mother was 'worried' about me because I had only a few friends and didn't go out very much. My idea of 'going out' tended to be a lecture on Coleridge at the library or going alone to the theatre.

For years I thought that there was something wrong with me. It was only when I read a thread similar to this one on MN a couple of years ago that I realised there were lots of people who prefer their own company much of the time.

Thinking about it, I think that my dad is the same and my mother must have spent the best part of 50 years trying to fix him, too. Because she loves family parties - she had a large family - and going out, she thinks every one wants that, too.

Another introvert here too. I expect some people who know me (but not terribly well) would be surprised to see that, because I do enjoy going out with friends too - but I need down time, and quite a lot of it. I get it most evenings because DH always goes to bed early, and when the DSs are both asleep, I have time to watch the tv I want to, then switch it off and have quiet time.

I can't stand when people have to have noise on all the time, be it tv or radio or music; I like silence around me at times.

When I was on my own, I didn't mind that most of the time either - because I could please myself if I went out or stayed in, and could do the things I wanted to. What I didn't like about it was that the ultimate responsibility for the house I owned was all on me - paying for it, upkeep, looking after it, decorating etc. - that was quite a lot to deal with at times.

I'm not sure the percentage of introverts is really as low as 11%. Judging by the response this subject has generated it looks more like 40-50%, it's just that in a world that values 'showy' social skills like jokey conversation, salesmanship and small talk at the tills, a lot of us introverts have got very good at masking our true preferences. I'm a sociable introvert. I like my own company but work better with others around me, not under my feet, IYSWIM. I find small talk excruciating for the most part, and will happily join in, but not lead or initiate, a conversation.

I wonder how many of those at the far end of introversion are mistakenly labelled as being on the autistic spectrum?

stinklebell I am just wondering if you are me?

I'm always frustrated by people who assume you're either an extrovert or a scary loner. I love my own company. Today I'm just pottering about, reading, doing stuff online. It's so relaxing. At the same time I'm usually to be found nattering at the school gates to all and sundry, and I love a good party, but I think the people who have to be around others all the time are seriously odd - I'd be dying for some peace and quiet.