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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be perfectly happy in my own company?

266 replies

Stinklebell · 24/02/2014 15:31

because apparently it's "weird"

I'm not madly extrovert, not a hermit either, but I am perfectly happy pottering around by myself.

I work part time from home, and I've just had a very nice couple of hours with Sky+ and my ironing pile

DH is the opposite, loves company, always organising get togethers and nights out - even stuff like a Saturday night takeaway turns into a mad social gathering and sometimes I just find it a bit too much.

My DH went away with our kids a couple of weeks ago, and a friend was all "oh, you can't stay home on your own, I'll be over Friday with some wine, we'll go shopping Saturday then we'll go out Saturday night". It was lovely of her, but she didn't quite get that actually, I am just fine tootling around alone. I like mooching around the shops on my own, I like chilling out with a film or something on my own. I don't want to stand outside the school gates for an hour every morning chatting, or go somewhere for coffee or meet up for lunch every day

I don't mind friends over, I don't mind meeting friends for a coffee, I just don't want to do it all the time. I like my own space, I like my own company, I'm not bored or lonely, I just don't want to be surrounded by people all the time.

It's not unreasonable, right?

OP posts:
nickymanchester · 24/02/2014 23:20

If DH doesn't have at least one evening out a fortnight I have to start subtly asking him if he's got any plans Grin

Oh god. I do this as well.

FunkyBoldRibena · 24/02/2014 23:20

Ooooh, cinema. Yes might do that sat night, something himself wouldn't want to watch. Excellent.

Sheldonswhiteboard · 24/02/2014 23:21

Nothing wrong with a solo trip to the cinema, I've done it a fair few times.

Pipbin · 24/02/2014 23:23

What annoys me is that as a reception teacher I have to assess children's social ability. This is all about playing with other children rather than alone.
Being a loner is no crime but often we are considered wierd and wrong.
A friend I work with can't understand why I don't spend each weekend visiting friends like she does.

HappyAsEyeAm · 24/02/2014 23:24

I love being on my own. Just love it. With a 6yo and a 2yo, I don't get nearly as much time on my own as I need to feel calm and have my life under control.

DH is the opposite. He loves being out of the house and with people and basically talking all the bloody time. Say we have been out on a Saturday morning with the DC, at a local park or whatever, he will always always want to go somewhere else in the afternoon. He wouldn't be happy being at home or the afternoon playing with the DC or watching a dvd or whatever. Whereas I feel that I've been out, and enjoy being home and not having to engage!

I had a blissful morning last Saturday. DH took the DC to a local attraction. They were gone for 4 hours. I did my errands in town, stopped for a coffee, came home and pottered. All on my on. It was bliss. I was afraid to tell anyone hat my plans were when they asked as I didn't want them to rope me into having to be in company!

And then I took DS1 to a party on Saturday afternoon and we spnt a lovely Sunday afternoon at our friends' house with their children. So I am not a complete hermit Smile

FetchezLaVache · 24/02/2014 23:25

Well I'm one of four, so that theory can stay out of the window!

I bloody love my own company. I have lots of brilliant friends and I love spending time with them, but I couldn't do it more than a couple of times a week. I live with DS, 3.10, and have spent this evening mainly picking out a few pieces of classical music on youtube whilst MNing and enjoying a nice glass of sauvignon blanc, and it has been bliss. As it is every evening. I can't imagine living with anyone again- I would hate to give up my evenings of blissful solitude!

Pipbin · 24/02/2014 23:37

Now LaVache, DH who is as much of a loner as me, only child, is one of four too.
I wonder if children who are only children crave the quiet they knew, where as children from larger families want the quiet they never had.

redshoeblueshoe · 24/02/2014 23:38

Fetchez me too ! I'm one of 5, I love alone time, pottering, listening to R4, reading, I would be so happy if dh and dd went away for a whole week - bliss. In fact you have all given me a brilliant idea - everyone keeps asking what I'd like for my birthday I think I will suggest that they all bugger off for a few days and leave me in peace Grin

redshoeblueshoe · 24/02/2014 23:39

Pipbin x post - exactly !

JessieMcJessie · 25/02/2014 00:36

I positively hate shopping for clothes (or indeed anything) with someone else. Having to explain choices, negotiate a route, stop for coffee, give opinions, eurgh. I din't even like it when shop assistants try to interact with me.

However shopping by myself is one of my favourite things to do and I'd do it every weekend if I could.

I also never feel alone as long as I have Radio 4.

DumSpiroSpero · 25/02/2014 00:38

Nicky I'm glad it's not just me although I've reached they point where I have to word it carefully so he doesn't think I'm trying to get rid of him..."Did you say you were going out on Friday? No, oh I must have imagined it..." Angry Blush

DH used to work long shifts 4 days on/4 off. Around the time DD started school we both ended up working school hours, term time only so for 18 months I had no time in the host on my own at all and nearly went loopy.

Thankfully I've managed to rearrange my hours so I only work 4 days a week. I also do 1 day a week in the school holidays so I have an annual leave allowance if I want some bonus peace & quiet! Grin

I do use it for practical/family things too, honest!

50ShadesofGreyMatter · 25/02/2014 00:57

"When people suggest a get together I'm really keen because I'm in the mood for it right then but when the time comes round I dread having to go and make small talk. Sometimes it's not too bad and I actually have a good time"

^This is me too! I think we're called "social introverts" or something similar Grin

VeryStressedMum · 25/02/2014 00:58

I love being on my own. There's a difference between being alone and being lonely.

waterlego6064 · 25/02/2014 07:56

A couple of mentions of R4 here- me too. Is this another introvert theme?

Eliza22 · 25/02/2014 08:14

50Shades!!! That's me, exactly! Quite the social butterfly!

DrCoconut · 25/02/2014 08:15

I love but don't often get time to myself. I like to just watch TV, sew, write etc with no interruption and I find very long periods with no respite from others draining. I was always considered weird at school and I guess I still am.

KittensoftPuppydog · 25/02/2014 08:20

Radio 4 for me too.
I do worry that I will end up one of these people who nobody notices has died until they start to smell. It doesn't worry me enough to be more sociable though.
Obviously while dh is around this is unlikely to happen, I hope.

Eliza22 · 25/02/2014 08:28

Kitten! Let's hope not....though, elderly folks often lose their sense of smell/taste, with age!

I'd love to be one of these ladies who retires and walks miles with the dog. On nodding acquaintance with lots of people but not having to get into long conversations about the weather.

Little anecdote. My son asked me once, when he was little, why adults talk about the weather all the time. I beat about the bush a while and then told him straight, it's a polite form of conversation, when you either can't think of anything else to say or you really don't want to get into deep conversation with someone. Some time later, I was stopped by someone I "knew" and we started on about the lovely weather we'd been having. My 5 yr old son piped up..."my mummy doesn't really want to stand here talking to you, that's why she's talking about the weather" Blush

katese11 · 25/02/2014 08:34

Don't know if anyone's linked to this yet but it's spot on describing dh. I'm an extrovert and hate being on my own but he's perfectly happy.

ananikifo · 25/02/2014 08:44

That's really good, katese!

I had personality testing at my university career centre and my strongest trait is introversion. It doesn't mean you hate being around people, but it does mean you recharge by being alone. Introverts also tend to prefer having a few good friends rather than socialising superficially with lots of people.

My counsellor told me that only 11% of the population is introverted. The same proportion are left-handed. He warned me that like a left-handed person I would probably feel a bit like we don't fit in.

Original poster
Stinklebell · 25/02/2014 08:44

Oh, I might have to print the link katese posted off and stick it on the fridge.

I really don't think DH (and a lot of my friends) gets it.

I feel like my dog sometimes - he's happy to be played with and be made a fuss of and then he's had enough and goes off to his bed. I try to tell him that when I disappear off upstairs, I'm not being lazy or opting out, I just need 5 minutes. He's definitely an extrovert.

I like being with people, but I get to the point where I've just had enough - we were at a party Saturday night and at about midnight, I just had to go home. I was all companied out but people seemed to think I was a party pooper - DH was welcome to stay (it was only 4 doors down) but I needed to go

OP posts:
Original poster
Stinklebell · 25/02/2014 08:50

introverts also tend to prefer having a few good friends rather than socialising superficially with lots of people.

That's definitely me. I have a few close friends, but sometimes I really can't be arsed with socialising with people I don't really know and don't really like - I'm not very good at hiding that fact either sometimes. DH says its written all over my face sometimes when I need rescuing from someone at a party or something. I really don't mean to be rude or offend

OP posts:
shewhowines · 25/02/2014 08:59

I love spending time on my own, but I think this is only because i am lucky enough to have a great group of friends and family that counterbalance this.

I'd hate it if I had no choice, but as it is, I choose to spend a great deal of time on my own mainly when the kids are at school and I love my times socialising. Having to do one or the other, through no choice, would take the fun out of it.

HappyAsEyeAm · 25/02/2014 09:05

All of this is ringing so many bells with me.

I am an only child and crave quiet time. Our house was peaceful when I was growing up, but as my mum was one of ten children, I had a huge extended family which we used to see a lot of. I loved spending time with them but I loved going home too!

I only ever clothes or shoe shop on my own. I can't think when I last shopped with anyone else, nor would I want to. I don't need anyone else's opinion, or want to factor in things that they may want to do or see. I want to just be allowed time to think and decide for myself. In fact, I do a lot of my shopping online.

I am very happy to go out socially with lots of friends, and I have a small circle of friends who I have known for ages. I am really happy to meet up with them. But when it comes to bigger social events like parties which go on into the night or larger group things, I make the arrangement and then when it comes to the day itself, I never want to go. Thinking that I could save myself the journey, not have to change and get ready and snuggle up at home on my own or potter or cuddle the DC is so much more preferable.

I enjoy being out of the house though - I'm not a hermit!

I would love to have a dog.

Twilight23 · 25/02/2014 09:13

I like my own company too! Around others I am very present and appear sociable. I like getting to know people but also need my space.

I meet up with various friends individually. I avoid group meet ups unless it is an occasion.

I go to lunch alone when at work. I just need time to recharge and reflect.

I sometimes often sit in the kitchen for 30 minutes when family are in living room.

I stay up late for 'me' time.