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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off with dh

29 replies

K8eee · 23/02/2014 15:36

He's been away since Thursday, and today has gone to pick up dss. 9 times out of 10 it's not an easy process as his ex always manages to keep him there for ages.

Anyway, dss wanted dh to take him to church before coming down to us; fair enough. Bearing in mind it's at least a 4 and a half hour journey I've literally only just got a phone call from dh to say he has left. That's up to him as he's the one doing all the driving, but I'm 36 weeks pregnant, and on Friday I had to drive myself to the hospital after having a bit of a scare. I have tried calling him 2 or 3 times so far today, but no answer not even a text. AIBU to be hacked off at him for not being easy to get hold of? What about if something bad had happened, or I had gone into labour and he had no bloody idea because he couldn't be bothered to think of anyone else but himself?! My hormones probably aren't helping the way I'm writing this, but surely it's common sense to keep your phone in ear/eye shot in case your heavily pregnant wife goes into labour...?

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 23/02/2014 15:41

What time are you expecting him? If he is on his way anyway he couldn't get to you any quicker even if you had gone into labour, or there was an emergency.

And there isn't actually an emergency is there.

Original poster

K8eee · 23/02/2014 15:43

He hadn't given me a time, and I know there isn't an emergency but it's the principle that it seems he has been selfish by not seeing what I wanted him for. He's happily been messaging his ex as the iMessages come through the ipad which I've got so there's no excuse of 'oh I didn't see you had called'

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 23/02/2014 15:46

Ah well in that case yanbu, he should let you know what time to expect him back.

crazykat · 23/02/2014 15:51

As fairenuff says, you're DH is on his way home now so he couldn't get to you any quicker if there was an emergency.

I can see why you're posses at him not answering his phone though. Yes there's no emergency, but if there was he'd be none the wiser as he didn't answer. I get why he wouldn't if he was in church but he should have checked when he came out that something wasn't wrong or at least sent you a text to check you were okay.

The fact that there wasn't an emergency isn't the point its that he didn't think to check. Tbh though my DH would have been the same and not thought to check that there wasn't a problem.

Maybe you should talk to your DH and ask him to either answer when you call or call back/text as soon as he can. You shouldn't have to say it but I'd have had to with my DH as he just doesn't think, not purposely being thoughtless it just wouldn't occur to him to check there wasn't a problem.

WooWooOwl · 23/02/2014 16:02

Could it be that he doesn't think it's appropriate to answer the phone or send text messages while he's in church, or when he's only just arrived to see his son?

What about the journey to get to his child, were you trying to call when he was on the way there?

Lweji · 23/02/2014 16:04

Church is only for one hour.
If you have an emergency you can call 911 and leave him a message.
Surely 1 hour when he's 4 hours away can't make that much of a difference.

Lweji · 23/02/2014 16:05

Or was he messaging his ex through mass?

Original poster

K8eee · 23/02/2014 16:11

I have no idea what time church was, but yep if it was me I would be keeping tabs on whether I had a missed call or text.

Dh is an only child so I guess there is the whole 'only child syndrome', but I know for a fact that when his ex had dss he dropped everything for a week before hand and was there from her first contraction right through for a week or so after. It's like I'm second best and that he will quite happily do as she tells him, but not consider how I'm feeling

OP posts:

LiberalLibertine · 23/02/2014 16:17

Oh love,I do think your hormones are going mad now. He will be there for your birth, and will be just as involved.

He should have got back to you, he's been a bit inconsiderate, but don't make this into something it isn't

ToughSpuds · 23/02/2014 16:19

K8eee I would tell him how you honestly feel when he finally comes home. You should be made to feel like number one. Maybe he needs a polite reminder of that.

Lweji · 23/02/2014 16:20

How heavily pregnant are you anyway? If your due date is anywhere in the next two weeks, then you may have a point. If not, then yabu.

Also stop comparing yourself to his ex.

bellablot · 23/02/2014 16:22

The problem here seems to be the contact with the ex, not the fact he hasn't picked up the phone since he's probably driving.

Original poster

K8eee · 23/02/2014 16:22

My hormones I think are on over drive definitely. It has felt though that he still panders to her needs. A woman 6 years older than me surely should know better?

I've just spoken with him on the phone, he wants to talk about it now but I know he won't take any of it in. Better to be done in person, and for him to see how it's affecting me I think. I must sound as though I'm hard work/high maintenance, but surely your heavily pregnant wife carrying your first child should be one of the more important things?

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TalkieToaster · 23/02/2014 16:29

But... It's not his first child is it, as you've been talking about DSS. Unless, you mean DSS is your DH's step-son that he's still in contact with. That wasn't clear in the post.

I'm with you though. He should be in contact, or be able to be contacted easily, and be checking and replying to messages.

Lweji · 23/02/2014 16:29

Ah, but it's not his first child. It's your first child.

Surely you must have a plan for if you get into labour when he's not around. And other people you can contact.
Otherwise, why not be bothered in the first place that he went 4 hours away?

You will have to realise that his children are very important to him. You are not his first priority.
And unless you have a risk pregnancy, then I'm sure you will be fine.

ToughSpuds · 23/02/2014 17:40

So what if K8eee is having his second child! She should come first as he is with her now - not the ex. He should be contactable too.
I'm pleased you are going to talk in person OP.

bigboobsbertha · 23/02/2014 17:47

The world doesn't stop turning just because you get up the duff

ToughSpuds · 23/02/2014 17:50

Of course the world doesn't stop turning when you get pregnant but the fact is that this is OPs first child and had a scare recently which may of made her very anxious (and she doesn't feel as supported as she should because her OH is ignoring her when she is carrying his child)

PuppyMonkey · 23/02/2014 17:55

Am I reading a different thread or did some of you miss the bit about op being 36 weeks pregnant and having a bit of a scare on Friday? I would expect him to stay in touch very closely throughout the day just in case....

ToughSpuds · 23/02/2014 17:59

I agree PuppyMonkey

Fairenuff · 23/02/2014 19:00

When you speak to him this evening, make sure that he understands that he should always tell you his plans and let you know if they change. I think that's common courtesy anyway, even if you are not pregnant.

Btw I don't think six years between adults makes much difference, not sure why you think it does.

StarGazeyPond · 23/02/2014 19:03

AIBU to be hacked off at him for not being easy to get hold of?

Well, presumably he's driving......and therefore not answering his phone at your slightest whim

fifi669 · 23/02/2014 19:08

So he couldn't answer the phone to you, but could still message his ex?

ToughSpuds · 23/02/2014 19:13

StarGazey driving doesn't seem to be a problem "He's happily been messaging his ex as the iMessages come through the ipad which I've got so there's no excuse of 'oh I didn't see you had called" - Answering at her slightest whim? She had a bloody scare recently and was probably anxious as he wasn't responding to her!

Original poster

K8eee · 23/02/2014 20:12

I'm well aware of that bigboobs, but surely wouldn't you want to be able to get hold of your dp/birthing partner easily if needed?!

He's far too laid back, and like most men has no idea what it feels like to be carrying the extra pounds infront. I'm glad some of you get the whole thing of him being contactable, I'm not asking too much really am I...?

Dh has to take dss back next Friday, but after what happened Friday, I for fancy him going too far. If we asked his ex to meet half way surely that's not unreasonable? I know she'll want petrol money, but for peace of mind to know he's not a whole day away I can't be looked at as being selfish can I?

OP posts:

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