To get fed up with people that always have to 'trump' anyone else's illness?

[mollymalloolamoomoy]

I know someone who does this all the time and she is very irritating. She is an alpha mum type, and I know her from a local mother and toddler group. There are about 10 of us that are friends from the group, and we all meet up regularly with the DC and have mums' nights out.

She always has to have things far worse than anyone else does. Initially it was PND. Several of us in the group, myself included, had it, but somehow she decided hers was far worse than anyone else's, and somehow managed to get the sympathy and attention of the whole group of friends, whilst anyone else with PND was overlooked and basically made to feel that we were lucky as we "hadn't had PND as bad as poor X". This woman also has private healthcare insurance, so she went to see a private psychiatrist, and basically I feel that often with private care you get told whatever you want to hear, as obviously it keeps you paying if you get good treatment. And the private consultant was happy to confirm that her PND was "severe" even though she generally seemed perfectly fine. I'm not saying she didn't have PND by the way, just that I don't think it was any worse than anyone else's.

Now it's the same with her child. If ever anyone else's child is unwell, hers is always far worse. She takes him to see a private GP if her GP doesn't say what she wants to hear. I posted a facebook status a few days ago about my son having a cold, and she replied saying her son was far worse, he had tonsillitis, and that I was lucky it was only a cold. His teething was apparently far worse than the teething that anyone else's child has gone through. Giving birth was apparently far more painful both times that she has gone through it than it has been for anyone else.

She just really annoys me. I can't avoid her unfortunately as we all often meet up, but I just find her so attention seeking.

What????

I have a variation on the " topper" known as the suggester! It goes a little like this. I have an inherited peripheral neuropathy from my dad which means I will one day, maybe tomorrow, maybe 20 or 30 years end up in a wheelchair. I have come to accept this and am ok, not fine but ok with it. What is the major bugbear about it is the amount of pain I suffer and the meds I'm on.

I have come across a few "suggester" types, some actually in the medical profession, that think a change of footwear or some hippy therapy that got rid of their occasional back pain is going to make it all better. "Ooooo, I had terrible sciatica (never back ache) last year and I took nettle leaves infused in Kentish pea water that cured it, maybe that would make it better?"

Really, your blinkin' temporary back ache is comparable to my nerves dying, cheers an all that........thanks for the advice, think I'll stick with the prescribed medication.......

You are being dismissive about her PND and clearly don't like the woman. If you can't avoid try not to get drawn into the competitive conversations.

I know someone like this -I always refer to her as someone who can't cope with life and give her wide berth. The woman has a very famous father now dead and I wonder if it is some deep seated trauma to do with not being successful or rich enough to emulate daddy's greatness. She exaggerates everything, illness, abilities, even housekeeper going off sick is a disaster and seems to be pushing her kids to be as famous as her daddy.
In short avoid, avoid avoid. She will never be happy or satisfied with anything.

She sounds hugely insecure. Boastful people often are. If they cannot get positive attention all the time, they resort to being the most ill etc. Try taking her aside quietly and telling her you know how terrible her life is, that it can only get better. Tell her how sorry you feel that she and her family are so often ill. Ask her if she would like you to help her make contact with social services as you are anxious that she is not coping. Ask if your OH should have a man-talk with hers to see what could be done to help.

Otherwise, just forget her and concentrate on true friends.

i have a friend like this - for example if i phoned her and said ooh my dd has been in hospital with cellulitis (scary) she would say oh yes my son had that it was the worst case the hospital had ever seen, it was on his face, it was terrible....fine to share experiences but she would be straight in with it!
actually she was like this about everything, like a game of trumps.

Storynanny do you call it 'black catting'? We do - always trying to outdo someone. Think it's a navy term.

I had a friend like this, it's actually quite annoying when they always do this and try to make everything about themselves.

When I had pneumonia and was confined to bed, only just managing to avoid being hospitalized, she had had an 'absolutely horrendous cough'. It was so bad she was bed ridden as well. When up until I mentioned how ill I'd just been she'd been telling me all about what she'd been getting up to recently...

Almost made me laugh!!

I have a friend like this. If you're ill, she'll have the same thing but worse a week later. If you have been in hospital for anything, she'll have had it and been hospitalised for longer. The only person I know who had PCO/fertility issues but multiple pgs without any trouble and fell pg almost immediately after trying each time. She's a lovely woman though and as that's the worst of her faults, it's not really an issue.

My sister in law, on the other hand, has the same 'complaint' and is as irritating as feck. Perhaps it's the fact that she has few redeeming features.

pocketfluff, I didnt know it was a navy term, a colleague used it many years ago when we were exhausted with being "topped" by another colleague! We just knew then that when she had her first pregnancy and birth the cat would be even blacker. We were so right.
I like the elephant box comment.

Agh - the only way to deal with it is to just mentally take a massive pince of salt and sprinkle it all over them if you can't manage to avoid them.
I know someone who went to visit an old friend after the birth of this friend's second baby which was a horrendous birth and recovery and involved staying a week in hospital. Rather than just listening kindly, this lady told her all about her own labour/birth again and then said there was no real difference between the weights of their respective babies (both were big but the new baby was significantly bigger) so really she had it just as bad and actually a lot worse! She then advised the friend how to calm her crying baby!

I work with one of these but for EVERYTHING. If you are painting a spare room, she's redecorating a living room... If you are off out for a meal with DH at the weekend she's off out to a michelin starred restaurant.

Best bit was when I announced my pregnancy, and within 30 seconds she said she was planning to adopt later in the year! I sometimes say I am going to do things I'm not actually planning on doing just to see what she says.

I've dealt with this in two ways in the past. One time (member of my NCT group), I just used to smile like I was being silly and trump her trump. Someone would say 'cold', she would say 'tonsillitis', I would say 'Black Death/galloping consumption/porphyria' etc etc. She didn't like being laughed at, but it made me feel more cheerful.

The other time, I figured that as the person in question seemed to think being extra ill gave her some kind of strange prominence, I went all 'Gosh, not again! It really never lets up with you, does it? It must be so DULL, all that trailing down the GP yet again. You must get so BORED by it all. Even listening to it is so GRIM...'