I had a contraception failure and became pregnant recently. There are lots of reasons why I cannot have a baby so we went to a private clinic about a termination and I was booked in for the procedure next week. However the clinic were concerned about my low blood pressure and wanted to speak to my GP regarding this and it turns out a 24 hour ECG I had back in December showed abnormalities and for some reason my GP had failed to check the ECG tape so it was never picked up (another thread all in itself)
So I have a suspected heart problem (possibly atrial fibrillation) and need a heart scan before I can have my termination. I am terrified and am scared that if this drags on for too long I will reach the stage where a termination will become difficult / impossible.
My partner of 20 month plays amateur football and they go away a few times a year to play tournaments. He is due to go away in 2 weeks halfway across the country and he will be driving quite a few others as he has a people carrier, but it looks as though it is likely that if all is ok with my heart scan next week, the termination may have to happen the week he is away.
Some gems he has come out with this week have been
When asked I he will still be here for me during the termination he answered that he doesn't know. If he doesn't go they will be a man down. He then backtracked and said he will be there but sounds reluctant. I said if he was having an operation I would be there for him regardless to what I was doing. He said he would not expect me to an that HE doesn't need to me mollycoddled
When I was really upset verging on the hysterical because I am so scared there is something terribly wrong with me he told me that there are people out there who are terminally ill and he doesn't know why I am so worked up now when I have had heart palpitations on and off for 2 years (because no GP has ever told me before here is a problem. I have always been told its stress, don't worry etc) There is no point in worrying because I don't know what it is yet and that I will just make myself more ill (true)
After I had calmed down a bit and was sat a bit shuddery on the sofa feeling shaky and shuddery he picks his phone up, logs into Facebook and sits there posting on a friends status and giggling to himself about it. I felt that was insensitive but he just wanted to lighten the mood because it was getting too depressing. Well maybe for him it did but it did nothing for me .
So I feel totally alone as only 2 friends know the full story and I know that I may have to also end my relationship at some point as he is so unsupportive. But I love his kids so much and I just feel like the bottom of my world has dropped out in the space of a few days.
Thank you for reading, if you have got to the end of this you deserve a big medal!