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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

PIL and holiday home

69 replies

Champagnecharleyismyname · 20/02/2014 21:02

Big back story here with relationship with PIL but latest is they are buying a holiday home in another country. They are very excited and have said it is for family use.

There are three brothers, oldest 2 are from first marriage. Large age gap and last brother is only child from FIL and MIL.

PIL about to sign contract on new holiday home and rang today to say it will be in youngest brother's name as it has been bought with inheritance money from a relative of FIL.

DH is upset but won't talk about it. AIBU to question this??

OP posts:

PfftTheMagicDraco · 20/02/2014 21:03

It's not your DHs holiday home.

Thattimeofyearagain · 20/02/2014 21:04

YABU

mynewpassion · 20/02/2014 21:06

Is FIL the biological parent of all three boys or is MIL

hamptoncourt · 20/02/2014 21:11

Assuming FIL is stepfather to DH then YABU. Your FIL has inherited money and wishes to pass it to his son. Why shouldn't he?

You get to use the house so what is the problem?

Original poster

Champagnecharleyismyname · 20/02/2014 21:12

MIL but 2 oldest have never had contact with biological father and FIL had bought them up from a young age. I am over sensitive to this because I can see my DH is visibly upset. Over the years I have noticed subtle differences in the way the brothers have been treated but this is the most overt.

OP posts:

Original poster

Champagnecharleyismyname · 20/02/2014 21:15

Yes we will get use of the house, it's not the house it's the fact that DH saw FIL as his dad as did the othe older brother but for me this is clear differentiation.

OP posts:

mynewpassion · 20/02/2014 21:16

YABU. I can understand your DH being upset but it's FIL's money and he wants it to pass it down to his biological son.

pamelat · 20/02/2014 21:17

I think this is fine.

I can see why it may initially be a bit tense but the money has come from that sons family.

I think it shows that they have thought through inheritance and that wont be messy for you.

mynewpassion · 20/02/2014 21:17

This might be a hint of what the inheritance will look like.

Katisha · 20/02/2014 21:18

Does mil have no say in what FIL does? Seems unnecessarily divisive of FIL to me, my money my son. Not our money, our family...

tyaca · 20/02/2014 21:19

Gosh, your poor dh. I'm not surprised he's feeling low.

Earlier posters - please re-read opening post. OP is not having an entitled hissy fit cause she wants a holiday freebie.

Holdthepage · 20/02/2014 21:21

YABU - it is FIL's money to do with as he sees fit.

boydonewrongagain · 20/02/2014 21:21

I think that what they have done is pretty hurtful actually op. If your dh's step dad has raised him from a young age and your dh sees him as his dad then its a bit of a mean thing to do IMO I'd be pretty hurt if it was me.

drnoitall · 20/02/2014 21:25

How long has fil been father figure to your dh?
I can understand his hurt, but nobody can tell someone else what to do with their money.
It's a shitter, what would you say they do, put in all 3 names?
How's the biological son going to feel?
At least pil told you, they need not have.
I'm so sorry if this is inappropriate but I've heard say "blood is thicker than water" it's not the youngest sons fault.
I can understand the upset though.
Sorry I've babbled and not helped.

Original poster

Champagnecharleyismyname · 20/02/2014 21:25

I am just sad for DH who has not picked up on being treated differently, I have noticed a few things over the years but not said anything. DH says FIL was very good to them but for me this shows the difference in relationship.

MIL seems to not see the issue as the money came from FILs relative.

OP posts:

ExitPursuedTheRoyalPrude · 20/02/2014 21:28

That is shit. I can understand why your DH is upset. Why did they feel the need to put it in the son's name?

Original poster

Champagnecharleyismyname · 20/02/2014 21:29

Actually drnoitall you have helped. Absolutely agree PIL can do what they like with their money. It's just the feeling of treating their 'biological' child differently.

OP posts:

drnoitall · 20/02/2014 21:30

Sorry op. Just re-read.
So fil bought up your dh from young age, no contact with their own biological dad.
Gosh, that's harsh. What a thoughtless and unkind thing to do.
I'm sorry.
It must be awful for your dh and you seeing him upset.
Fil has shown himsf to be an arse.
Mil , does she get no say?

Original poster

Champagnecharleyismyname · 20/02/2014 21:31

Exit they said they did it for inheritance tax reasons as the property would be left to youngest son as it was bought with money from FIL's relative.

OP posts:

ExitPursuedTheRoyalPrude · 20/02/2014 21:34

I can understand wanting to avoid inheritance tax. But still seems harsh.

Cobain · 20/02/2014 21:41

How do you know it was not the wishes of FIL relative who left the money? It does seem harsh.

Adeleh · 20/02/2014 21:45

Maybe FIL thinks older two brothers might get inheritance themselves from their father's side of the family, and the younger son will have no part of that?

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 20/02/2014 21:46

Might it have been something that your fils relative wanted to happen with the money?

I have friends who had a similar situation in the the DH treated all of the dc as his but his extended family wanted to leave money only to his biological children

Jollyjennie · 20/02/2014 21:52

YNBU. We have 4 children, 1 is my husband's, 1 is mine and 2 are ours. All brought up together as one family and all left an equal share in our wills. I feel for your husband - it must be very upsetting. It's not about the money, it's about your place in the family.

Original poster

Champagnecharleyismyname · 20/02/2014 21:52

Could be the relatives wishes, thanks didn't think of that. It wasn't really the way it was explained, my understanding was that it was FILs money he inherited so up to him what he does with it.

I get the fact it is FILs money, I would love to ask MIL her opinion but we don't have that sort of relationship.

OP posts:

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