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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask which toilets to use

64 replies

wimblehorse · 20/02/2014 14:35

I read a thread on here the other day about a dad taking his daughter into the female changing rooms at a swimming pool. I had thought clearly he should have taken her into the male rooms if she wasn't able to change herself & that is what any sensible person would have done.

A friend said that her husband had been told off for taking his daughter (5) into the female toilets over the weekend. She didn't think he was in the wrong because the woman had a separate cubicle to use, he didn't want to leave his daughter to use the toilets by themselves & there wasn't a disabled toilet they could use (whole other thread I know). I asked why he hadn't taken her into the mens toilets & she gave me a that I would even suggest such a thing.

I have ds's & when they're with me, they come into the womens toilets (age 5 &2). When they're with dh they go into the mens. If we needed to change a nappy & the unit was in the disabled toilet we'd use that.
I get that sometimes mens toilets are a bit smellier & less clean than the womens, but unless they really were a health hazard & unusable I don't get why he wouldn't have taken her into the mens. Men don't generally wander around flashing their knobs in restaurant toilets do they?

Then I started wondering at what age will IBU to bring DS into the women's with me?

OP posts:

QueenofKelsingra · 20/02/2014 18:01

DD is only 21m so not an issue yet although I fully expect DH to take her into the mens with him if they are out alone. DS1 goes in with him now (and loves using the urinals like a big boy!

DD has a father and 2 brothers, she will be fully aware of what a penis does (in terms of urinating!) and what it looks like - she bathes with her brothers at them moment! DH will be with her, what harm can come to her?

as others have said, when she says she doesn't want to she is likely to be old enough to use the ladies with DH waiting outside.

thinking about it, when out alone with all 3DC I have had to let DS1(4) go in alone as the double buggy wouldn't fit through the door. I kept up a dialogue with DS while he was in there, however I did send him into the ladies not the mens so I could dash in if needed.

sex of adult = which toilet.

ProudAS · 20/02/2014 18:22

Ladies loos may be more private than men's but that doesn't mean ladies being comfortable with having a man I'm there

horseycoursey · 20/02/2014 18:35

I'm still in hysterics that the gents loos have only urinals and a couple of toilets without cubicles around them!!! How did you find out that there are no cubicles OP? Are men not embarrassed about pooing without a cubicle for privacy?!! I'd always assumed that there were cubicles!!

complexnumber · 20/02/2014 18:49

How on earth do you use a urinal without standing there with your knob out then?

You face the wall, like all the other blokes are doing!

I rarely use a public loo and notice any other bloke standing around with his knob out!

GrandadGrumps , are you sure you have the 'hang' of urinals?

SauvignonBlanche · 20/02/2014 18:49

Daddy with daughter = disabled toilet
WTF, since when did having a daughter make a man disabled?

WestieMamma · 20/02/2014 19:50

Whenever there's a 'prams in disabled toilets' thread the consensus seems to be use the ladies and prop the cubicle door open so you can see the baby in the pram. Perhaps not the best advice if men are going to be frequenting the ladies too.

MostWicked · 20/02/2014 20:33

I think having a 5 year-old girl wandering into the toilet while I'm having a pee would be a bit uncomfortable

Sorry but tough. She's not wandering in on her own, she'd be with her dad. And it's better than a man walking into the ladies toilets to take his 5yr old for a wee.

Thurlow · 20/02/2014 20:33

This is a now win though, isn't it?

So a dad's out with his young daughter.

They can't used the disabled toilet, clearly, unless one of them is entitled to.

They can't use the men's toilets in case the daughter sees something.

They can't use the ladies toilet in case any women are offended.

Daughter can't go in alone if she's not ready to.

At this rate, someone's going to end up peeing in the floor

PorkPieandPickle · 20/02/2014 20:39

Maybe I'm wrong but really what's the massive deal with a parent and child using a disabled toilet? Surely a disabled person sometimes has to wait while someone else uses the toilet? What about if there are 2 disabled people who need the toilet at the same time? Or when the baby change facilities are in the disabled toilet (which they usually are) it's not like people are going to take hours to use the loo, surely someone can wait 5 mins? (They would have to if someone was in there legitimately using the baby change?)

Haven't really needed to, but don't fancy sitting on loo with door open in ladies with pram because its 'Wrong' to use disabled... Then taking pram in disabled to change baby anyway! Maybe I am going to weird places where baby change is always in disabled.

steff13 · 20/02/2014 20:42

I wouldn't care if a man came into the ladies' restroom. But, it is a ladies' room, and it's not really appropriate for a man to be in there. When our niece was little, my brother used to take her in the men's room and cover her eyes until she got into the stall. :)

5madthings · 20/02/2014 20:50

I just asked dp what he does with dd when out, she is 3. He looked at me like I was mad when i asked if he uses the ladies and said of course not! He takes her to the mens and has her little pottette potty with him. If he is close to the library he will go there as it has a unisex toilet in the childrens library.

He wonders where you are all goign that the toilets are so gross, in all thr shops, department stores, shopping centres etc locally the menstoilets are fien apparently.

There are some public toilets ie at parks that are not so ncie but as she is little he woudl just take ehr behind bish as h does with the boys in those situations.

Thurlow · 20/02/2014 20:56

I think girls in the men's loos is the most sensible. You just need to tell them not to wander up to the urinals and be nosy!

maillotjaune · 20/02/2014 21:10

PorkPie of course someone with a disability might have to wait for another person to use the accessible toilet but there is less chance if that happening if able bodied people aren't using it too.

If the baby change is in the accessible toilets then there's already another set of people using the loo. It might not sound like a big deal if you have no disability but honestly, someone like my 70 something mother in a wheelchair with a neurological condition takes a while to transfer herself so it is nice not to sit outside waiting unnecessarily.

WestieMamma · 20/02/2014 21:18

PorkPieandPickle I can only answer for myself. My disability means that I have very limited stamina for being on my feet. On a bad day I can't go out, on a good day I can manage 20 minutes/half an hour. I get out maybe once or twice a month. So those 20/30 minutes are extremely precious. If I have to give up 5 of them because someone has no choice but to use the disabled toilets it's bearable because of the fact that they have no choice. If I lose any of that precious time because someone chooses to use the disabled toilets for convenience it's a very different matter. It actually upsets me because I already feel very vulnerable when out and about and the thought that other people out there don't give two hoots about how I'm struggling makes me feel much worse.

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