to ask which toilets to use

[wimblehorse]

I read a thread on here the other day about a dad taking his daughter into the female changing rooms at a swimming pool. I had thought clearly he should have taken her into the male rooms if she wasn't able to change herself & that is what any sensible person would have done.

A friend said that her husband had been told off for taking his daughter (5) into the female toilets over the weekend. She didn't think he was in the wrong because the woman had a separate cubicle to use, he didn't want to leave his daughter to use the toilets by themselves & there wasn't a disabled toilet they could use (whole other thread I know). I asked why he hadn't taken her into the mens toilets & she gave me a that I would even suggest such a thing.

I have ds's & when they're with me, they come into the womens toilets (age 5 &2). When they're with dh they go into the mens. If we needed to change a nappy & the unit was in the disabled toilet we'd use that.
I get that sometimes mens toilets are a bit smellier & less clean than the womens, but unless they really were a health hazard & unusable I don't get why he wouldn't have taken her into the mens. Men don't generally wander around flashing their knobs in restaurant toilets do they?

Then I started wondering at what age will IBU to bring DS into the women's with me?

I don't know if you've ever been in a men's toilet but actually there are men stood around with their knobs out, that tends to be how we do it! We might be facing the urinals but that doesn't necessarily mean that nothing's on show.

Taking my DD into the Ladies' would have never crossed my mind I'm sure but I can't see how having a man in there - on the other side of a cubicle wall - is any more embarrassing for anyone than having a young girl running around the Gents' while there are men stood at the urinals.

If you walk in BEHIND the men then there is no reason for anyone to see anything.

I went into mens toilets many time with my dad as a child and have somehow managed to survive to tell the tale.

whoss why would a dad + daughter require the disabled toilet unless one or both were disabled?

I'd be mightily pissed off if I could only use the accessible toilet and it was in use by perfectly able people for this reason.

Not all entrance doors and/or cubicles are actually behind the urinals though. It's common enough to have a sideways view along the row IYSWIM.

I think many men would find it quite disturbing to have a young girl walk into the toilets while they're relieving themselves. Maybe that's just me though, I might ask some other men for their opinions.

seriously they aint going to see much even side on!

If a man has a problem with a young girl using the toilet with their parent thats their problem!

I didn't realise changing sanitary towels was so noisy ProudAS

"If a man has a problem with a young girl using the toilet with their parent thats their problem!"

Well couldn't we just as easily say "if a woman has a problem with a man being on the other side of a cubicle wall from them then that's their problem"? Which is more embarrassing?

Its all age dependent though - If a girl is old enough taht her being in the mens is likely to embarrass the men - she's probbaly old enough to a) be uncomfortable in there herself and b) go to the ladies on her own.

I think the custom is adults go in the right toilet- kids tag along
I don't think I'd have a problem with a man in the ladies- but have never seen it

Daddy with daughter = disabled toilet.
Mummy with son or daughter = ladies' or disabled toilet.
Daddy with son = men's toilet unless it is particularly minging or full

Why on earth should a dad and daughter have to use the disabled toilet??
The disabled toilet is for people who NEED it. A parent and child who is perfectly able to use the standard toilets, would be incredibly inconsiderate if they chose to use the disabled toilet.
Why would it be ok for a mum to take her son into the ladies but not for a dad to take his daughter into the gents?
Gents toilet do have cubicles.

It is very simple. Kids who are too young to use the toilets unaccompanied, should use the toilets that the adult with them would normally use.

At the V&A, they have unisex cubicles, with floor to ceiling wall between.

There is a basin and dryer in each one, and as they are slightly larger than an ordinary cubicle, it would be easy for a parent to take two or even three small children in with them.

At the open air pool I use, when you walk into the ladies loos you are into the shower area first.

No cubicles & the women tend to shower naked.

So not ideal for men to wander into!

mostwicked I wouldn't dream of taking my DDs in the gents except in the most dire of emergencies, as a less preferable option to a bush in a layby. If the disabled one is available (and nobody is about to use it) we will cheekily pop in there or any other unisex toilet (they're not actually that rare), or else eldest DD/DP has to go in with.

I think people have this fantasy idea of all men's toilets having functional doors, light, flushable bowls, less than 3 inches of excrement on the walls, and no men standing around with their old chaps out and stuff. Only some of them have those luxuries ;)

My DH always took our girls to the mens when they were out with him until they were about 6 then they went on their own to the ladies if I wasn't with them.

I wouldn't care if a man was in the ladies because he was taking his dd to the loo. It's not a big deal.

"Men's toilets are generally disgusting filthy places "

Why is that?

I would say the wrong sex ADULT being in a toilet is much more likely to cause embarsssment (and possibly distress to some with abusive histories) than a CHILD in the toilets

Yes, gents toilets have (filthy, smelly) cubicles - they also have a row of urinals with men stood at them holding their penises.

Men are conditioned throughout our lives to avoid getting into situations where our intentions could be misunderstood. We cross the road at night so that the lone female ahead doesn't think we're following her, we avoid offering lifts to teenage girls who obviously need a lift, we think twice about offering help to a lost child who's wandering about crying, if we're caught short while we're out walking we make sure nobody's around and nip behind a tree. I think having a 5 year-old girl wandering into the toilet while I'm having a pee would be a bit uncomfortable.

Maybe I've just got some sort of an odd toilet hang-up though.

bearsprout - much better put than I managed.

diddl - do you know many men?

dh takes both our dd (4 and 2) in to the men's and uses a cubicle with them. He'd never dream of going into the ladies. Yes, of course the 4 year old can use the toilet by herself, and she uses a separate cubicle from me when we go into the ladies, but she wouldn't be confident to go in by herself without a parent, and often can't reach the taps to wash her hands.

I take ds (6) into the ladies. He's just started using the mens by himself in places where I feel comfortable to let him.

"I think having a 5 year-old girl wandering into the toilet while I'm having a pee would be a bit uncomfortable."

But wouldn't the young girl be accompanied by her father who would direct her into the nearest cubicle?

"diddl - do you know many men?" well yeah, but that doesn't explain why men's toilets are as disgusting as you describe!

It's not particularly noisy Starfish but you do hear it and I was very self conscious as a teenager.

BTW I too was taken into gents loos and changing rooms by DF as a small child and lived to tell the tale. I don't remember seeing any genitals in there so probably didn't notice.

It wouldn't bother me if a man came into the ladies with his DD, but I think in general the sex of the adult should say which toilet they use.

Yes, in a men's loos with urinals there is a 0.5% chance that your DD might decide to try and be nosy and have a look, but it's not like she'll be seeing anything she presumably hasn't seen at home?

Actually, following that thought - surely urinals actually means it is more embarrassing or awkward for a man if a young girl comes into the men's loos, as they are actually less private than female loos?

The overall problem here is that there is hardly ever a 'family' toilet available, so if a parent is out with a 6, 7 year old child (or whatever age people start to find it a bit weird) of the opposite sex then someone, somewhere is going to pick fault in the decision reached.

On a side note, one of our local soft play places only has baby changing facilities in the female toilets DP has enjoyed asking various different members of staff over the months where he should change DC...

diddl - it is an odd phenomenon called "other men". I don't do it, I don't think any of my friends do it, but somebody must be doing it, because there is a fairly good chance that they will be abolutely minging.

I also never see anyone actually having one of these "events" where you go to a cubicle and there is toilet roll with footprints in it all over the place, and on pushing the cubicle door open and it's like someone has re-enacted the levitation scene from "Carrie" but with excrement.

I have often wondered, due to said lack of witnessing how it happens, whether there is some force rampaging shit ninjas roaming the UK, lying in wait in paper towel bins and suchlike for everyone to leave toilets, then springing into action.

I don't know if you've ever been in a men's toilet but actually there are men stood around with their knobs out, that tends to be how we do it! We might be facing the urinals but that doesn't necessarily mean that nothing's on show.
GrandadGrumps

That had me falling about!

I have never been to a men's loo with blokes standing around with their knobs out, that's certainly not how I do it! Point and face.

I also disagree with a previous post of yours. Men's toilets are not disgusting and filthy places, on the whole they get cleaned just as regularly as women's

How on earth do you use a urinal without standing there with your knob out then? Have I been doing it wrong all this time?

And I don't dispute that men's toilets are cleaned as often as women's toilets - they just seem to get far dirtier far quicker. If your experience differs from mine then I can only assume that you frequent much more upmarket establishments than I do.