...to want to mix more with people from different backgrounds and cultures?

[HugoTheHippo]

We live in a pretty multi-cultural South London suburb which I have been getting to know fairly well as I'm on maternity leave with DD1. I have met quite a few other new mums and DH and I have both made new friends in the area, but through no specific intention of ours we have found that we spend our time almost exclusively with other middle-class white British families.

Lovely as they are, AIBU to find this a bit limiting and wish I could broaden my social circle/experience?

DH and I are starting to talk about nursery for DD and its got me thinking as we want her to grow up broad-minded, but the one we like is mostly full of middle-class white kids! Should I be more pro-active in tackling it, or should I just get over it and accept that's just the way things go?

minipie - That raises the question on whether our social circles are natural or whether the systems are built which creates barriers to making more open, diverse friend groups. It isn't about adding novelty factor or being bored, but recognising the systems already treat people different based on many factors, included race and class, and that they have a part to play in who are able to meet to get on with and find nice. I live in a mixed area, however the council decided catchment areas create far more racially divided schools particularly for primary, and that's just one layer that will affect who we and our kids make friends with.

When I had my eldest, I tried multiple baby and toddler groups and play groups. Regardless of church halls, community centres, specific activities, part of the city, they were all pretty much controlled by and for White British women of certain socio-economic groups. I was made to feel beneath them. I find it difficult to use the local large park due to multiple times having women sit at close tables and go on loudly about the problems with having so many immigrants in the area. For parent friends, and my kids, social media groups based on interests/activities was a good way to meet people I would not naturally have been able to in my day to day life that have become good friends. Hobby groups are also good, though - like play groups - some hobby groups are more likely to controlled and run for certain groups (gaming groups tends to be more White guys, even though the actual hobby is far more diverse, for example). I've found online hobby groups tend to be more diverse.

Even in a diverse area with most people living well below the poverty line, as a multiple minority myself, I find it difficult to find groups and opportunities to meet people that are not designed by and for mainly far better off White people. I run a group for people with disabilities in my home twice a week and its still quite hard to not have that be everyone who can access and regularly meet. It's frustrating trying to explain why a more diverse points of view in the group would do good, and why their views aren't universal or really representative. I've found this across many other groups. I really rely on using the internet socially now as in-person groups shrink and disappear with the way things are going.

Yes that's true Spork, nothing is entirely "natural" it's all been decided by other factors. It's just a combination of accidents/previous decisions which lead to you knowing a particular group.

The question is whether people have some sort of duty to try to counteract the effects of those accidents/previous decisions, in order to meet a different sort of person.

For example, I choose the toddler activities that I go to based on which I think DD will enjoy most and which are most convenient for me. Do I have some sort of duty to seek out less enjoyable, less convenient toddler groups instead, purely so as to meet a wider range of people?

I do obviously think that it's important that all groups are inclusive and that people have open minds about who they mix with. It's shocking that you were made to feel beneath other playgroup users and that you had to overhear their stupid views about immigrants. Those people need a good slap reeducating. But I'm not sure how the OP seeking out a broader experience will help with that... she's obviously already not prejudiced so it's not her who needs her mind opening!

I ' m with Foxes and i don't see why you must go out actively searching for 'ethnic minorities and working class people' to meet.
I am in North London otherwise i would ne happy to invite you to our house for your experiment. If you pay ticket you can watch us eating, playing, mnetting, arguing.
Ok i will be serious now how come the Nursery only had white middle class children? I thought the middle class
children (whatever race)are with nannies and the Nurseries are pretty mixed.

So op I'm from Wandsworth originally. I have good news for you!

Go to St Georges park. I met masses of parents from different backgrounds there.

from Somalian to Brasilian.

Knowing your area, like the back of my hand...I can't understand why you haven't already bumped in to some!

Back in October, I was in that little park on the lower Richmond road ? gardens...anyway, I couldn't believe how many different accents, and families there were.

Where do you think your children will go to school/nursery? :)

Hippo

Ah Wandsworth - if you ever fancy a cuppa in Penge and see how the other half mix you are more than welcome.

As for Sure Start centres when our local one was closed the guy from Bromley council said the reason it was shutting was because it was not serving the demographic. Which is nonsense as I am the wife of a builder and therefore if you want to talk in outdated terms I am working class. Working class communtity does not exist like you say - I have no family around or a big network and I had my first at 28 after a good education and I had a career in a hospital - admin side. So I do go out to groups and talk to whoever I can - mums at my son's pre school probably wish I stop talking - because otherwise I would go mad.

Oh and I did make a friend but I quietly withdrew from the friendship due to her husband's recoil when I opened my mouth - I don't swear but I am very much South East London.

Perhaps another thought?!

Try living in the pure white sticks like I do, I despair of DC having any chances to make diverse friends. Argh.

I live in another city, but one almost as diverse as London .....

Anyway, I didn't think the Op was even slightly racist, I read it more as confusion as to why she hadn't met all the people obviously out there.

In my experience, various playgroups do differ in their make-up dramatically and, daft as it is, I live with the city boundary at the bottom of my garden, and the diversity of the next area along is much less so! Personally, I love meeting people, eating different food, etc. etc., so, even though I know I'm not going to click with everyone, I go out of my way to chat to a person new to a playgroup, ask about stuff, show an interest ....... My best ever was a kind woman holding my trolley outside a Home Bargains as I was grappling with two children who turned out to be from Dagestan in the Russian Federation (sic). However, other people at the same groups remain very much in their racial/cultural groups. It is true, though, that those who become the best friends do tend to be of the same class as me (in so far as I analyse it): shared education/aspirations/experiences/expectations?

It is quite hard to go wrong if you show a genuine interest and are polite, IME.

Depends where you live. I live in a white enclave that is horrible. It's more and more like a recruiting ground for the EDL/BNP and dare I say NF. And it's South London.