...to want to mix more with people from different backgrounds and cultures?

[HugoTheHippo]

We live in a pretty multi-cultural South London suburb which I have been getting to know fairly well as I'm on maternity leave with DD1. I have met quite a few other new mums and DH and I have both made new friends in the area, but through no specific intention of ours we have found that we spend our time almost exclusively with other middle-class white British families.

Lovely as they are, AIBU to find this a bit limiting and wish I could broaden my social circle/experience?

DH and I are starting to talk about nursery for DD and its got me thinking as we want her to grow up broad-minded, but the one we like is mostly full of middle-class white kids! Should I be more pro-active in tackling it, or should I just get over it and accept that's just the way things go?

I'm with Foxes, I'm not sure why there is a need to seek out other backgrounds and cultures if it hasn't happened naturally?

I wonder if anyone who is part of one of London's ethnic minority communities ever thinks "Hmm, I need to seek out more MC white people for diversity" I suspect not

Minipie - I don't think that's right. We're Jewish and are very keen to send our DC's to camps, half term activities, etc to meet other kids from outside the community.

For fucks sake. This thread is so bloody patronizing and racist.

You should make friends with people because they're nice and you get on. Not on the basis of their race.

This 'vacancy for brown friends' shit is dreadful, utterly patronizing and high handed.

OP you obviously class people by their race and that's the little box you put them in.

I can see why the OP seeks out people from other ethnicities. I enjoy doing that because I love hearing people's life stories and I'm particularly interested in people who've clearly had a different life experience to me. I'm from a very homogenous Catholic background so even my Methodist friend is exciting! I worked in school where many of the children and staff were first and second generation Indians, Pakistanis and Africans. I really enjoyed tasting the food they brought in and was particularly fascinated by their experiences of and opinions on arranged marriage.

Wanting to connect with people from other parts of the world isn't racist IMO. In fact I think a lot of MC white people avoid people of other ethnicities for fear of appearing racist or putting their foot in it by not understanding accents/customs/religious preferences. As a forinner myself I feel pretty comfortable aski.g directly when I don't know something and people seem to appreciate the interest.

Well there are two ways of looking at this aren't there?

Either we just accept that we meet who we meet, get on with who we like and all is fine with the world.

Or we look at it a little bit more closely and question why ghettos develop (whether around race or wealth/class) and whether we can/should do something more to integrate.

I can see where the OP is coming from, I don't personally find her post racist. Values can be passed on to children in an implied way and it doesn't seem unreasonable to think about that.

Where are you Op? I am south London and I have met all sorts. Perhaps you are putting people off?!

Oh and forget nurseys you want a pre school in a church hall.

I can see where the OP is coming from. If you are living with your children in a very diverse and multicultural area and yet you and your children have no friends outside your own ethnic group then it's natural to wonder whether you're doing something wrong and to worry about what attitudes your DCs are unconsciously picking up and internalising.

Setting out to look specifically for friends of other ethnicities is distinctly patronising, but a bit of introspection isn't inappropriate.

I'm from an ethnic minority background. When I was in my teens ( In south London) I had lots of friends from different ethnic backgrounds. We all got married and moved in different directions. My mum friends are almost exclusively white and I would say ' middle class'. I have a few non white friends but again, they are quite middle class. I think it is a class divide rather than a culture one. We are all quite 'anglicised' IYSWIM as in if you spoke to any of us on the phone, you would think we were Londoners. Whereas my students, who are predominantly 'working class', have distinct accents, even if they were born here because many of their parents don't speak English and they only speak English at school. With regards to toddler groups, when my DS was small, the local children's centre had hardly any groups that weren't 'Somali mothers' or 'Turkish mothers' groups because all the free groups were being populated by middle class women of all ethnicities and they felt that women from ethnic minorities who may have wanted to access the services were being intimidated by it. Dunno if that's true or not. We are in quite a diverse area.

My areas is v diverse.

My new friends are brown skinned and white, all middle class. We all say how lucky we are to have met and avoided the wags and horsey types!

Where is op

If you live in a mixed area then your daughter will go to school with kids from all backgrounds - just wait until then.

'You can be my black muslim friend, you my brown hindu one, shit, where can I find a buddhist? A chinese one would look lovely on my new couch, colour co ordination is so important.'

yanbu, white middle class people are so last century, wanting non whites of other cultural backgrounds as ornaments to brighten up your surroundings and feel diverse isn't racist or patronising in the slightest.

I wonder if anyone who is part of one of London's ethnic minority communities ever thinks "Hmm, I need to seek out more MC white people for diversity" I suspect not

I'd wager that was exactly why a lot of working class families scrape together the money for private schooling. Not just the education prospects but mixing with children who are (due to class and money) likely to be in charge in the future.

I don't see anything wrong with that either.

I think the more people move around the more people they meet the better

Did the OP say she had specific openings for friends? Or just that she doesn't only want to mix with middle class white people.

If you go to a play group that is totally diverse group of 20 people. You still are only going to want to make friends with 3 of them at a push becasue playgroups are dire. She didn't say she would just befriend any fucker on the color of their skin

Oh I don't know a Muslim Asian mum I knew didn't want her dc's to go to a school because it was full of Asians.

But then she told a lot of lies

ReadytoPop that may be the case (I have no idea) but they're not doing it for the sake of diversity in that case.

White middle class people? Ew! How do you survive? :(

It's interesting how almost every post has picked up on race when the OP mentioned class/background as well.

I guess school might lead to more integration although given house prices around 'sought after' schools drive class divides and faith schools introduce other divisions (not around race but divisions nonetheless), perhaps school won't make such a difference after all.

Maybe the secret uncomfortable truth is we like to be surrounded by people who we perceive share the same values as us and have no desire to integrate with the uncomfortably different. Whether it's race, class or religion.

When I lived in Europe, I found it very easy to fall inline and end up with American expats.

We had the most in common.

I had to make an effort to meet people from the country I lived in. I learned form the experience.. I enjoyed the diversity.

What the fuck is wrong with that?

Some really interesting perspectives here, and some great ideas, thanks for all the replies. MillionPramMiles, I think you understand what I mean - I'd like to feel I'm getting a balanced experience of our community and I've been a bit sad to see that these invisible lines that divide us are so strong, even if you're not looking for them. And Mrs Pear - I'm in Wandsworth, but you might be right - I do look (and sound) quite posh - I might be putting people off!

On a lighter note, I'd also be very happy to mix with mega-rich people who invite us to stay at their country estate for the weekend - I'm not fussy!

agree with seasicksal it sounds patronising and silly.

who cares what colour or creed anyone is.

you arnt going to be any more cool to be mixing with Muslims etc. we are all just people.

My social circle has widened quite a bit since having a child with a disability; there's a much broader ethnic and social mix (more representative of the area as a whole) in the disability-related groups that I go to than in any of the others I went to with older DCs. I guess we're all there involuntarily (in a sense) rather than being able to stick to our low-effort personal comfort zones.

On a lighter note, I'd also be very happy to mix with mega-rich people who invite us to stay at their country estate for the weekend - I'm not fussy!

I am also looking to "diversify" my friendship group in this direction..

Some mothers choose to put their daughters in to scouts so they get to spend time with boys instead of brownies. Is it patronizing the boys?

If a man said to me that he was hopping his son could make more female friends I wouldn't feel patronised. I'd think he was clever