IME, when a person is left wondering "is it a date?" "is it a relationship", that tends to be because the other person is playing mind-games, trying to play hard to get, etc. People who say "I'm scared of getting involved" - fine! Go off and be scared somewhere else, stop wasting my time!
I was ('non-dating') my ex-rat for around the same time as you have been with your fella - during that time it was constant back-and-forth, "I think you're lovely, you're the best thing that has happened to me".
Then a day or two later it was "Oh, just to let you know, I've got to nip round to my neighbour's house, she's on her own and she wants me to go with her to help choose a new car" - I was thinking why tell me that, if you are meant to be with me, are you the only man in the whole universe your 'single neighbour' has, who can go and choose a car with??? Then no contact for few days, and a text pings in, saying do you want to come over to my son's football match on Saturday - it would be nice for you to meet him. So I'd reply yes sure that sounds lovely - then Friday night, ping, text to say, sorry second thoughts, maybe not quite the right time to introduce you, just a bit too soon" yada yada yada. And so it went on, for weeks back and forth.
And the excuses about not going over to his place were wrapped up in the fact he didn't want his sons to meet anyone until he was going steady with them. hmmm right OK, so don't ask me to the football then!!
He'd suddenly turn up on my doorstep for a cuppa, all smiles, jokey jokey - so, fine, he'd come in and after 15 mins, he'd look a bit sulky, no reason why, just all of a sudden mood change. Big explanation about how much he was starting to care, how much I meant to him, but I need to take things slowly because he had been let down too many times, he'd never felt love like this and it was scarey....
Soldiered on for a couple more weeks, doing my head in - then he said "How about I come over and help you choose a new TV" because I'd said I was looking for one. As soon as we got there he just wandered off to the hi-fi's, didn't once bother to help me with a TV - Took me home, again all silent treatment.
Then he sent the killer "it isn't you, it's me" text, yes a text !! - About how we weren't suited, we didn't have any chemistry and sorry daisychain it's the end of the road for us." As you can imagine, not what I needed, but I deleted the text, felt gutted but relieved at the same time that the agony was finally over - and onwards and upwards!
Your chap being "flattered / curious about the attention" says it all - no emotional investment towards you, just about how it makes him feel - and telling you after-the-fact his opinion about women, well I'd have kicked him in the balls and run!
As you know they aren't all like that, but unfortunately online dating is a useful first-intro, its only when you get them into the cold light of day, it's a different matter!