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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU at the pool

106 replies

Bellini81 · 18/02/2014 15:45

My son has swimming lessons at our local pool.
The training pool is in half for the 2 different groups of learners. One side is a bit younger than his side. Say 5-6 years old.

They all finish at the same time & as my son climbed out to be wrapped in a towel one of the fathers of the younger group pushed his daughter to me and said 'you take her into ladies and shower her' I politely said I couldn't do that as 1: that was the first time I had even set eyes on this girl and her on me and 2: I was planning on just throwing my sons clothes on and get him into a bath at home which we often do after swimming.

He huffed and sighed and I left.

The next set of lessons swing by and the same dad did EXACTLY the same thing to me pushed his daughter to me and demand I shower her.

I said to him that again I didn't feel comfortable showering a girl I didn't know and he got a bit aggressive and said 'what the fuck am I supposed to do then?' I said 'well when my husband takes our daughter she showers and dresses in the men's room with him'

He got really angry and paced around so I got our bits and hurried into the changing room with my son.

About a minute later the same dad stormed into the women's changing room with his daughter and shoved her under the shower with lots of naked women going "oiii" so he pointed to me and said 'it's her fault as she wouldn't shower her'...
He left pretty quickly after that and got his daughter dressed by the pool as when I left there was a lifeguard there with the man and again he was gesturing at me saying 'fucking this, fucking that'.

I explained to the lifeguard that he was being really aggressive because I refused to shower a child I don't know and he just sort of nodded.

I mean was I being really really unreasonable?

My son prefers the men's changing room but I don't randomly ask men if they could take my son and shower him? Why was it any different for a woman to do it? Would you have just showered her to save the aggro I eventually got?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 18/02/2014 16:11

Tabby = yanbu

HighlanderMam · 18/02/2014 16:12

Maybe he thinks the mens changing room will be teeming with other men ogling his young daughter. Weird.

YANBU. Strange man. Poor lass.

aworkingmummy · 18/02/2014 16:13

That's absolutely crazy - who in their right mind would ask a total stranger to shower their daughter.
YANBU in the slightest.

BlueDesmarais · 18/02/2014 16:16

Def speak to the manager. Mr Unhinged needs to be sent home so someone can, I dunno, call a doctor or something.

It's a shame you can't pin a note on his coat about the event so the girl's mother can be made aware of it. Or, frankly, the police. He's running around shouting 'fucking' at strangers, in front of children, barging into women's changing rooms and trying to give his daughter to strangers to get naked with? Man needs a stern talking to.

TheScience · 18/02/2014 16:17

Report to the manager, you shouldn't feel intimidated by this man.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 18/02/2014 16:17

The mind boggles! Speak to the manager.

Original poster
Bellini81 · 18/02/2014 16:18

I am going to speak to the manager next week she is an old school friend of one of my friends so I don't mind pulling her up and having a word.

I don't know why he saw fit to ask me twice, there was other mums and dads there with their mouths open and I was beetroot red at having to say no as it was making him aggressive and drawing attention to us, which I hate and so does my son.

That is why I beat a hasty retreat to the saftey of the changing rooms, or so I thought

Other women did complain hence the reason a lifeguard was talking to him when I left the changing rooms... I just hope he has now been banned.

OP posts:
aintnothinbutagstring · 18/02/2014 16:19

Crazy, our pool has just one big unisex changing area and communal showers. Everyone showers in their costume and all the mums and dads stand watching and waiting for their child to shower.

Do people shower naked in your pool? I mean, would she have seen naked men in the mens changing room? Was that what was bothering him. I guess there are still ways and means of getting around it though.

MerylStrop · 18/02/2014 16:20

poor kid

I suppose if the mens changing room is full of naked men he might not want her to have to see them ……but whats wrong with ditching the shower and just throwing some clothes on the child and sorting it out later?

the arrangements sound inadequate, surely there is a unisex loo somewhere she could change privately

AngelaDaviesHair · 18/02/2014 16:21

What on earth is wrong with towel-drying his daughter, chucking a tracksuit on her and doing the full shower at home? Just like the other thread on this, makes me think the whole thing is a pretext to get in the women's changing room. Which is worth mentioning to the manager when you see her.

Original poster
Bellini81 · 18/02/2014 16:23

Well my son popped to the toilets in the mens once during a lesson and came out saying loudly I saw a man NAKED in the shower so yes I think they do shower naked but they do in the ladies too.

I didn't ask the man why he didn't want to take his daughter to the mens, I did suggest it to him.

I just maybe had a moment where I thought I was BU, thank god I stuck to my guns even though I was mortified at having to put up with being sworn at.

OP posts:
blahe · 18/02/2014 17:12

What a completely bizarre situation!! Do up date next week.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/02/2014 17:14

Maybe you could drop your son off at his for a night of babysitting? Hmm

pixiepotter · 18/02/2014 17:27

This reply has been deleted

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HyvaPaiva · 18/02/2014 17:32

pixie Hmm He was wearing his clothes. He wasn't in the pool, it was a lesson.

SauvignonBlanche · 18/02/2014 17:37

What a git!

ProfPlumSpeaking · 18/02/2014 17:39

YWNBU he was

Surely children go into the changing room appropriate to the gender of their carer until they are old enough to go in on their own (? usually at about 7). When Unhinged Man said "what am I supposed to do?", what does he think mums and sons do? Also, most pools have some sort of Family Change provision, don't they?

DarrenFox · 18/02/2014 17:43

I find it entirely believable because some people are proper twonks who don't know how to behave nicely.

DarrenFox · 18/02/2014 17:44

that was to pixiepotter

Mim78 · 18/02/2014 17:44

I would have thought she could go into the men's showers with him until she is old enough to go in ladies' by herself. There are lots of boys under 7 in the ladies showers as others have said.

Why do we think that men's bodies are more private than women's?

Also not like anything could happen to her with dad with her - a normal dad anyway!

TheScience · 18/02/2014 17:45

I never bother showering DS after swimming - is it really necessary? Dry him, clothes on and then home.

StarGazeyPond · 18/02/2014 17:46

When my son was little and we went swimming I NEVER showered either him or me. We always got dried, dressed, then had a bath/shower when we got home. Much easier.

goldenlula · 18/02/2014 17:52

He was being unreasonable and I would definitely report it to the manager. Pp asking about family changing rooms, our council run pools do not have family rooms, just single sex rooms, with communal changing area and a handful of individual changing rooms.

Megrim · 18/02/2014 17:55

Report it to your swimming lesson provider as they will have procedures in place for the use of changing rooms.

ProudAS · 18/02/2014 17:56

Had she changed in the ladies to start with? It sounds like her clothes nay have been in there orhad she come in her cossie?

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