Its half term. Dd wants to do beach walk with our dogs. My mother called wanting me to go with her to pet shop. Its a long walk but dd doesn't want to traipse around shops while my mother whines about her bad back. Sinuses etc. I want the time with dd. I have offereg for my dp to collect the dog food. She was fine when she called eralier but because dd didnt want to do that all of a sudden she is breathless and telling me how she has to go to bank shops etc and take her dog out because id left it too late. I normally take her dog out at lunch time so its not late. I feel like shit but just cant face it.
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LEMmingaround ·
19/02/2014 20:38
DP has just had to take her to OOH, because she "can't breathe" I would say that someone who can scream and shout at me that she cant breathe, is doing ok 
She has an appointment with the specialist next week, but decides that tonight is the night she can't do it anymore - i didn't know what to do so called OOH, DP was with me, she had got me round there on the pretence of taking her milk. There will be nothing OOH can do, but how could i leave her like that - she knows this, but now wouldn't let me go to the hospital with them because i will "cause trouble" FFS - So am at home with my DD while poor DP dances to her tune - fuck i must sound like a heartless bitch but i am at breaking point. Hissy, i have been doing better, and stepping back a bit, so i feel she is upping her game - I don't know what she wants me to do - she was perfectly fine when she rang up asking for milk - when i took it round it all started - there was milk in her fridge
I told her that she has to stop doing this to me, i am going to break - she told me "after they have sorted me out, i don't want to see you anymore" fuck me, if only she meant it. I feel like the biggest bitch, she was sobbing but i had no sympathy whatsoever, i have passed the buck onto my poor DP - to be fair, he would have had to take her, i can't drive.
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WhereYouLeftIt ·
20/02/2014 12:27
"fuck i must sound like a heartless bitch but i am at breaking point"
LEM, you do not sound like a heartless bitch. I've read some of your previous threads and you are about as far from a heartless bitch as it is possible to get (your mother, on the other hand ....).
"Maybe it is me, had NO sympathy for her last night, at all, i just felt angry, i should have tried to make her feel better but i couldn't. Maybe i am just as selfish as i think she is."
I am so glad that you were angry rather than sympathetic. Your sympathy is her weapon against you, your anger is your shield. Hold on to the anger, because it is fully justified. As for "i should have tried to make her feel better" - how would you have done that? So much of your mother's medical problems is manufactured by herself, she positively enjoys (and exaggerates) it for effect. It is another weapon against you. Her idea of feeling better is making you squirm with guilt and anxiety. I will personally come round and give you a slapping if you give her the satisfaction (
you know I never would). You are not selfish. I wish you were , then she'd never have got her claws so deep into you.
Yes she's your mother. Which just goes to show that the ability to breed is completely separate from the ability to play nice with other people.
"i genuinely don't know if this is a mental health thing or a difficult person thing. I do know that i am at breaking point, but think i should just step up and look after my mother."
You don't need to know what's at the root of her behaviour; you just need to know, and acknowledge, the effect it is having on YOU. As for 'stepping up to look after her' , absolutely not. Stepping back is what you should be thinking about. You are at breaking point, and she will relish breaking you. Listen to your DP, he is witnessing it first-hand and he cares about you.
LEMmingaround ·
20/02/2014 13:58
The doctor rang this morning and the psychiatrist said that she has the capacity to take care of herself, but that she sounds like she is depressed - um, well, yes, i imagine she is. She is in pain, losing her independance, lonely and frightened. I feel desperately sorry for her - it breaks my heart to see he like this. But I suffer from depression, and whilst i can be a trial sometimes, i try not to lash out that those i care about and i have sought help. As the GP says, i have more awareness, but that doens't help when i am being run ragged. Maybe if i didn't suffer from anxiety it would just go over my head and i'd roll my eyes, do what needs to be done and let all the shite wash over me, i do tend to take things to heart. Have had a bit of a falling out with DP, poor bugger, i think he is just tired of it all as i am. :(
Mother was nice as pie today "oh you shouldn't have bothered getting the prescription just now, its raining hard, i could have waited " yeah, righto! I got her meds and i bought an inhailer cup thing for olbas oil. Hopefully it will get sorted soon.
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LEMmingaround ·
20/02/2014 14:09
She wont accept that she is depressed and she wont do anything about it, they tried to give her diazepam for her back a while back and she wouldnt take them because those are "for nutters" err, thanks, i was taking them at the time She is always having a go at me for taking medication and allowing the doctors to fill me up full of drugs. So I don't think we will get very far with anti-depressants, which is a shame because it will help i think.
She is lonely because no one goes to visit her, no one goes to visit her beause she will rant about things on and on and on, like a broken record, at the moment her campaign is against the doctor, before that it was her sister (that would take a month to explain but she thinks her sister has stolen things from her house, damaged things in her house and put "acid" her idea of poison in her cooker - she has totaly dismantled her cooker and has nothing to cook on) But no mental health intervention - no no
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