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Original poster

AIBU to find this comment in a restaurant sad?

61 replies

TedMoseby · 17/02/2014 12:16

I know I should've been minding my own business, but this lady was talking so loudly in a tiny restaurant that I couldn't help but hear.

Two couples sat together. Couple A and B.
Woman A: "We are not telling his daughters that we are buying a house. At this age they repeat everything to their mum and we can't have her knowing"
Woman B: "Why can't she know?"
Man A: "Because everytime she thinks I have more money, she gets the CSA involved and I end up having to pay her more for the kids"

AIBU to find this attitude really depressing?

OP posts:
TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 17/02/2014 14:48

Don't judge. Some women use CSA as a weapon to get what they want. Not all men who pay CSA are bad parents who refuse to support their children. Please don't tar them all with the same brush.

Proseccoisnotrah · 17/02/2014 20:34

I sometimes feel sad during the course of my work when I see people (ok, overwhelmingly fathers but there are mothers too) angry about having £5 per week deducted from their JSA payments for child maintenance.

Today I saw a father who was refusing to take his teenage son in over the weekends as mum was struggling and SS were involved with the family because "I'm not giving that bitch free babysitting on weekends. She's had enough out of me. I'd rather he went into care."

Just yuck.

namechangesforthehardstuff · 17/02/2014 20:38

Gosh there are some lovely comments about women on this thread. Really nice.

Long live the sisterhood. Shock

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/02/2014 22:31

namechangesforthehardstuff
"Long live the sisterhood."

It doesn't alter the fact that the OP is judging someone without knowing the story.

Piscivorus · 17/02/2014 22:31

Not all women are saints just the same way as not all non-resident fathers are feckless non-payers

namechangesforthehardstuff · 17/02/2014 22:41

I didn't say all women were saints I don't think? Did I?

Lovecat · 17/02/2014 22:48

Whoa, is tonight FFJ night or something?

A lot of very bitter comments here... the CSA don't take what isn't there.

I think the question should be 'why wouldn't a father want to contribute more to his children if his wages go up?' Just because the money goes via their mother (assuming he's a NRP)? Seems controlling and just a wee bit shitty to me.

Monetbyhimself · 17/02/2014 22:52

I'd spend my maintenance money on gin and shoes. If the fucker paid any.

Pmsl at FFJ night. They and the second wives club claxon has certainly gone off on this thread Grin

Piscivorus · 17/02/2014 23:01

Actually rereading the OP, I think you have a point Namechanges, Lovecat and Monet. If the CSA made him pay more then clearly he ought to be doing that.

Monetbyhimself · 17/02/2014 23:07

Namechanges I hope you didn't buy those mini crunchies with your maintenance money you mini crunchie scoffing bitch.

FraidyCat · 17/02/2014 23:25

I think the question should be 'why wouldn't a father want to contribute more to his children if his wages go up?'

It's a bit of a simplistic assumption that him paying more money will automatically benefit the children.

Monetbyhimself · 17/02/2014 23:30

And another Grin

Lovecat · 17/02/2014 23:30

It's a bit of a nasty assumption that it won't.

PorkPieandPickle · 18/02/2014 00:04

But there is nothing in the snippet of conversation reportedly overheard to suggest that the fathers wages have gone up, or that he isn't paying sufficient maintenance! Just that he hasn't told his ex he's buying a house.

We could randomly speculate about their possible situation all night but we don't know if he's paying a fiver a week or £500 a week!!! And no one knows them anyway so who cares.

namechangesforthehardstuff · 18/02/2014 00:07

I wrenched them from his cold starving hands Monet. And scoffed them with gay abandon as I took off in the bright red slut coloured convertible I bought instead of getting clothes for the wee ones. Grin

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 18/02/2014 00:13

No pork- there is nothing to suggest he is earning more money- but there is the suggestion that when he has in the past it has taken his ex contacting CSA before he increases his maintenance accordingly. CSA wouldnt have increased it "everytime" if his wage hadnt increased "everytime" she had got in touch with them. Kind of sounds like he expects the maintenance would be increased again if CSA were to ask for his salary details.

Viviennemary · 18/02/2014 00:19

It's impossible to say. Some people take their partners for every penny and others can't get a decent level of maintenance. So it depends.

PorkPieandPickle · 18/02/2014 00:22

Oh yes, fair point sillybilly I guess if he didn't have more money he wouldn't have to pay more each time, which also indicates he isn't overpaying. Missed that point ok agreed he's probably an arse then!

Monetbyhimself · 18/02/2014 08:13

Namechange I hope you were wearing those sparkly Manolos as you skipped ?

Whilst the bairns wear ripped, too small doodles frim the charity shop Sad

Melonbreath · 18/02/2014 08:23

We hide bought things from dsd Sad
If her mother gets a whiff of finances she's on the phone screaming at the csa for more money to be demanded and we're tired of it.
We already pay above the minimum, buy most of her clothes and all of her school trips. Now I bear no grudge for dsd having these things paid for but I don't like her mother telling her daddy doesn't love her whenever we put our foot down over extras when we can't afford it. And oh always caves.
Her argument is she has two kids to care for but only one is my husband's.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 18/02/2014 08:30

Years ago my mother was doing everything in her spiteful power to make my Dad and Step-Mums life a misery and would have used any tiny bit of financial information to have demanded more maintenance money from my Dad.

So I can understand the woman's point of view if she was in the same position but from the little snippet of conversation you heard there is no way of knowing the full story.

glasgowsteven · 18/02/2014 08:44

allnewtaketwo Mon 17-Feb-14 12:27:39
Or maybe he prefers to decide himself how to spend his payrise on his children

A % of his payrise will go the CSA thats the way of things!

SnowBells · 18/02/2014 08:49

Out of curiosity - when do CSA payments stop? When the child turns 18??

MajorGrinch · 18/02/2014 08:56

Who said his wages were going up? A lot of assumptions on here!!

Buying a house doesn't equal pay rise! Keywords here are "Because everytime she thinks I have more money".

Maybe they're fed up having to fill in another round of CSA paperwork to prove they don't have to pay more everytime the mother thinks they should?

Without more info it's impossible to make a judgement either way...

Monetbyhimself · 18/02/2014 09:09

And still we have women who apply superhero status to their DH because he 'pays above the minimum'. THAT'S the saddest thing.