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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To text 'friend' back <fume>

66 replies

YouAreTheWeakestLinkGoodbye · 15/02/2014 10:12

A friend has just cancelled on me. we had planned to go out for lunch today but has just said she can't manage. I am really fuming with her, she is not the most reliable person. I really want to give her a witty reply but can't think of any, i know this sounds really bad but can you give me any?
The reason she cancelled was because her sister sprained her wrist and I really don't see how this can stop her from coming to lunch with me. AIBU to do this?

OP posts:
sunshineandshowers · 15/02/2014 10:47

Get over yourself.

You are just thinking of yourself and are very uptight. H
"How dare she cancel on meeeeeeeee!" " I'm offended by unreliable people"

Yabu

Hassled · 15/02/2014 10:48

I can see why you're cross - I would be too, especially if she has form for this. But don't send a stroppy text - just leave it. Don't reply, and maybe let her do the running next time. If she doesn't make the effort, at least you'll know where you are with her.

harticus · 15/02/2014 10:50

You got bumped because she wants or has to do something else.
It happens.
Go and do something else instead.

Preciousbane · 15/02/2014 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SJisontheway · 15/02/2014 10:52

YANBU. Cancelling someone last minute without a good reason is bad form. Baffled that anyone would think otherwise. I agree that silence is the best response.

Dubjackeen · 15/02/2014 10:53

I would just leave it. I wouldn't bother making plans with her again, if she often cancels at the last minute. I would still go to lunch, it it's a nice place that you were looking forward to eating in. Bring your phone/ tablet/ book and enjoy it!

Greenmug · 15/02/2014 10:56

I can't get stressed about this kind of stuff. It's annoying because I'm the most reliable person on the planet but its not exactly the end of the world. And to be honest if I had a friend who did this kind of thing all the time I would expect it of them and decide whether I wanted to continue the friendship or not. I have a friend who does this all the time. Its rude and irritating but I love her and I know what she's like.

GemmaTeller · 15/02/2014 10:57

Don't reply to the text.

Let her make the next lot of arrangements and the booking.

Cancel on her an hour before the next meeting.

Trifle · 15/02/2014 10:59

I loathe unreliable people who think nothing of cancelling last minute. She probably had no intention of going in the first place. I'm astonished people feel it is acceptable behaviour. I would certainly not make any plans with her again.

Joysmum · 15/02/2014 10:59

Canceling once is one thing, but if this person has a history of it then of course she's going to get upset!

I'd text back that your very disappointed as you'd been looking forword to it. Then I would bother making plans with her again and let her invite you out.

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 15/02/2014 11:00

If you're so angry with her about it and feel she's unreliable and she's cancelled for something that's possibly just an excuse, maybe the whole thing was a mistake in the first place? Friends don't always have to be there- they have other people in their lives too who may be more important than you. I would be upset if my DH didn't put me first but with everyone else, I think I'd understand that people can't always be there for you even if they love you and care for you and enjoy your company and friendship. Maybe you're expecting too much from the friendship?

differentnameforthis · 15/02/2014 11:20

You sound very angry, op. Perhaps she needs to help her sister with children/shopping etc?

differentnameforthis · 15/02/2014 11:21

OK, just saw that her sister has no children. But still, if she is so unreliable, why make plans with her?

beals692 · 15/02/2014 11:36

YANBU to be annoyed and I can't believe all the people who think it's fine to cancel at the last minute, especially when it was clearly a firm arrangement with a table booking rather than a 'shall we grab a bite to eat somewhere' type of thing. Yes, there may be emergencies where plans fall through but it sounds like this person has form.

If I confirm that I'll meet with someone then, barring genuine emergencies, I'll be there and, if I got other offers for the same day/night, I'd have to turn them down because I'd already committed to the first friend - However, it's then even more annoying if that person doesn't show you the same courtesy, especially if they leave it to the last minute.

However, as others have said, it's probably best just to stop making arrangements with this person for one-to-one meetups and find/arrange to meet up with more reliable friends. If you enjoy her company, you'll still see her at group gatherings etc but won't be reliant on her.

ENormaSnob · 15/02/2014 12:14

Yanbu at all.

I had a friend like this, cancelled last minute all the time.

Last time she did it i replied with 'you take the piss'

Fucked her off since. Cant be arsed with people who think my time is worth less than theirs.

CalamityKate · 15/02/2014 12:20

Got to love MN.

"I was supposed to be going on holiday to Tenerife with my friend. I'm at the airport and she's just texted me to say she's not coming"

"Probably because Tenerife's a rubbish place to go on holiday".

FFS the TIME they're having lunch isn't the point. Presumably it was mutually agreed Hmm

jessjessjess · 15/02/2014 13:13

You know she's unreliable.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

pictish · 15/02/2014 13:17

Cba with flakes at all, who think nothing of ditching you last minute with spurious excuses, and wasting your time.
Her sister spraining her wrist is a shite excuse.

pictish · 15/02/2014 13:18

Oh and CalamityKate - agreed. Only on MN.

PorkPieandPickle · 15/02/2014 13:19

Haha calamitykate got to agree!!

I had a friend cancel on me this week because she was 'too hungover' at 10:00 to meet me at 1:30 Hmm

She asked to meet me next week instead, I said I was too busy, she hasn't responded. Just tell her you're too busy next time she wants to see you.

ItitwrongtofancyHarryStyles · 15/02/2014 13:25

Well actually Calamity, if I was having to go to lunch at 11.15am (WTAF?) to a place with notoriously slow service, I'd likely sack it off!

It's just so not a big deal to cancel an arrangement! And if someone keeps cancelling on you, yes fair enough they are probably too flakey to bother with...or they are just not that into you and you need to take the hint!

hickorychicken · 15/02/2014 13:29

I have a friend like this so i just dont suggest anything anymore and if she wants to do anything then she will ask me.
YANBU op.

hickorychicken · 15/02/2014 13:31

Its rude IMO it sounded like a shit excuse tbh and if she had no intention of meeting she should have said earlier so op can arrange something else.

pussycatdoll · 15/02/2014 13:33

I agree with hickorychicken
She obviously couldn't be arsed
She should have cancelled yesterday so you could have made other plans

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 15/02/2014 13:36

Why say yes then?

Do you want to go to X place, pick you up at 1030. Both know the place, agree the time, presumably know they're slow since the OP doesn't say that this is information she gave the friend at a later date!

Well no actually. It's too early/the place is too slow/whatever.

why say yes to something that you don't want to do and possibly tell yourself you'll just cancel later instead of just saying no in the first place?

Honest to god, some people (I am thinking of people I know in rl) actually seem afraid of uttering the word no and would rather text at the last minute to tell you their foot fell off or a portal to hell has opened up in their kitchen and they're waiting for a priest.

What's that about?

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