To think I should be allowed to stay home with my dc?

[Annoyedatdp]

First time poster here..
I have 2 wonderful dc aged 2 months old, the issue of going back to work after my mat leave has just come up. My dp wants me to go back to work as he says he cannot pay for me to stay at home (even though he just reduced his hours at work) when he is home he looks after the dc for an hour on weekdays and 4 hours on weekends, he also does 1/4 of the housework.
Aibu in telling him I'm not going back to work because I like being at home with the children and its saving us money on childcare etc?

2 months is too soon to be decisive in how you actually feel, in 6 months time you may be wanting to go back.

A couple things to point out - you are both responsible for childcare costs - it shouldn't be you paying for it alone.

You are not married, I would think carefully about not returning to work - having some financial independnce when you do not have the legal protection of marriage is important.

Longer term it probably is worth returning to work - I had a career break and it meant I have really lost out even though I only do admin work.

Totally and utterly unreasonable.

I think you are being unreasonable, sorry. I would LOVE to be a SAHM but we can't afford it - simple as that.

Agree with HappyMummy, it's important to think about maintaining your career. I know too many women who left their careers to stay at home with the kids, only to be left high and dry by their 'd'p several years later.

You may be in a low paid job now, but what are your future prospects?

spindoctorofaethelred has made the most sensible point so far (and which almost everyone else seems to be missing) which is that childcare for twins is hugely expensive and financially you are probably better off staying at home. Have you looked at the comparative costs yet?

Child care is going to cost over £1000 a month.

Tell him if you do go back to work he is going to have to pay his share of child care costs.

Have you looked at the price of childcAre yet? Get some pruces and have the facts to present a good case to your dh.

Yanbu this is a completely reasonable decision to make unilaterally and not at all selfish or thoughtless

if he has reduced hours could he do 4 days and you do 3 - maybe look for something that does weekends and 1 weekday - if you are struggling as a family then you might have to work.

sit down and do the sums properly for each option - get a good idea of what the CC would cost, what jobs pay for hours you could work around his work, what you spend and what could be cut back- log everything and as a family decide what is the best for you financially and as a family - consider the logistics -and don't forget tax savings on childcare vouchers etc

Why has your dh cut his hours? Most people wasn't to keep/increase hours when having kids.

ps if you are both in the standard tax bracket then if you each take 243 in CC vouchers you apparently save £70 in tax each

Get him involved with the logistics and thinking about how it will all work in practice for you as a family if you are both working i.e:

1. cost of childcare
2. Availability of childcare - who is going to do pick ups etc, does that work with timing of work
3. Quality of childcare. Go to look round together and assess whether you would be happy with your children going to particular places
4. Running the household - make a list of essential tasks - washing, shopping, cooking etc and work out roughly how long each of you will spend on them.

Make sure that you can both see the reality of the different scenarios i.e. both working full time/one SAH parent/both part time.

I have to say that at our nursery (going rate here) with a twin discount it would be £2100 a month for them to both have a in full time nursery place. It drops when they are 3 and have the 15 hrs free. The costs might be such that it is just not plausible for you both to be able to afford to work full time.