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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think stair gates can be more dangerous than no stair gates?

72 replies

PinkHardHat · 14/02/2014 13:12

Dd is 22 months old and I've never had stair gates for her. We were watching dd1 at an extra-curricular activity the other day and when it was time to collect her we began walking with another mum and her slightly older toddler. They both ran ahead and eventually there were some stairs. I called to dd to wait though they were probably only five feet in front of us. She stopped and sat down ready to go down backwards/on her bottom like she does at home. The other lady's toddler carried on running full speed and she had to run to catch her just as her foot went over the top step. Thankfully she was fine and the mum explained it as she's never really seen stairs without gates. Dd stops a few feet back from the top of stairs as she's used to no gates, though obviously I Would make sure I'm there in case one time she didn't.

I had stair gates for a while with dd1 but got rid when she pulled it and it nearly fell on her. I told the lady we don't have stair gates and she looked disgusted. Aibu not to have them and to think they can actually be more dangerous?

OP posts:

Indith · 14/02/2014 17:39

I had no gates for ds1. With one child at home I could watch him easily. When dd was born and mobile I added a gate over the living room door so I could safely be cooking in the kitchen and know they were not going to muck about on the stairs or get into the fire in the dining room. When ds 2 arrived and was mobile I put a gate on the stairs as he is always trying to follow his siblings. He is 23 months now and o have taken it off again, he is happy and confident with stairs and old enough to understand and obey when I ask him to wait for me.

starlight1234 · 14/02/2014 17:44

I have them as stairs in lounge....But Little ones so much safer

Sparklingbrook · 14/02/2014 17:46

I remember way back as a lurker on MN a stair gate related fanjo injury involving a Mum tripping while stepping over one. I believe there was blood, and A&E.

higgle · 14/02/2014 17:57

I understand that stairgates are quite dangerous to adults and that there are ots of accidents with people tripping over the base, topping over when they come adrift and dropping children they are carrying whilst fiddling with them. We used one once our sons were much older to keep the dog in our utility area when he was muddy, the whole family and quite a few of our visitors tripped over it at some point.

HauntedNoddyCar · 14/02/2014 18:03

Dc1 we had a gate at the top of the stairs so I could do stuff upstairs without worrying.
Dc2 was a different kettle of fish. Gates to and bottom and cupboard locks. Was a menace :)

HauntedNoddyCar · 14/02/2014 18:08

Our gates were fixed rather than pressure fitting so no bottom bit to fall over

wimblehorse · 14/02/2014 18:13

Never needed one with dd but we've moved & now have ds (15 months). I figured we would need a pair but didn't get around to it & he is now confident going up & down. Stairs & hallway are carpeted & there is a turn halfway down so he couldn't fall all the way down. But have just seen a pp said their dc fractured a wrist from falling one step. So now wonder if I'm being complacent.... Though I am concerned about dh, dd or me tripping over the base!

Tanith · 14/02/2014 18:25

YANBU They can be dangerous:

Children can climb over them
Adults can trip over them
Adults can slip on the stairs and hit the barrier at the bottom (know of a childminder who did this and got her knee stuck between the bars.

I prefer to have them on room entrances rather than stairs. I think the fabric ones are better for stairs themselves.

soontobeslendergirl · 14/02/2014 19:10

We never had them on the stairs, we had a gate on their bedroom door. There are only 13 months between my two. I was heavily pregnant and had Sacroiliac hip dysfunction with both pregnancies. Once No1 son was mobile, my OH taught him to come down the stairs backwards on his tummy. This was because I couldn't safely carry him down if I was in the house with him alone. He also had to learn to climb them safely and to climb onto a step next to the cot so I could grab him and put him in. It worked really well for us and we did the same with No2 son - it was their automatic reaction when faced with stairs to always turn round onto their tummy and back/slide down.

We were lucky that they were so compliant, but as I say, I preferred the gates that we had to be on their bedroom doors so that if they did try to climb over them they would only fall a couple of feet rather than down the stairs.

DoJo · 14/02/2014 20:18

YANBU to think that they can be dangerous (as can almost anything in a house if used incorrectly/fallen on at the wrong angle/improperly fitted).

YABU to think that parents who have them
a) aren't teaching about stair safety
b) aren't supervising their children properly
c) rely solely on the stairgate to keep their child safe

We have stairgates at the bottom of our stairs to stop our son from going upstairs alone - with three storeys it would be easy for him to get to the top floor and then we wouldn't be able to hear him if he needed us.

My friend has a stairgate because the layout of her house has the glass panel of her front door near to the bottom of the stairs. The idea of a fall resulting in a child going through that rightly terrifies her, so they only close it when they are upstairs in order to minimise potential damage should a child fall down.

There are many reason to have/not have stair gates, and I think that generalising about those who choose either option is probably unhelpful.

supermariosmum · 14/02/2014 20:28

I had stair gates everywhere for my DD and DS whereas a few of my friends didn't and taught their kids from very early about not going near the stairs and how to go up and down the stairs safely.
Funnily enough both my kids have fallen down the stairs ( once older) whereas none of theirs have!
I also have a friend whose kids are at school and she still has stair gates on stairs and kitchen - they are not allowed in the kitchen at all and never have been!

bruffin · 14/02/2014 20:38

I would be more worried if i had a toddler that wouldnt leave my side tbh.
My dcs were into everything at that age including mountain climbing in the kitchen.
Dd managed to fall down the stairs when she was 8months and we didnt realise she could climb them. She went into shock so ended up in a&e for hours. Not worth being without the stair gates

UniS · 14/02/2014 20:45

We stair trained our baby, didn't fit gates , just shut room doors, until we started having other people toddlers in the house, who being unused to our house found stairs going down from the small front door hallway a bit of a hazzard.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 14/02/2014 20:46

We have stair gates. My just turned 2 year old is very capable of going up and down stairs, we've always taught him to go on his bottom or tummy or hold on to us.

Stair gates give me the opportunity to have a shower or nip up to loo knowing he's safe and isn't following or can run around upstairs safely.

Just because a toddler is capable of climbing stairs or knows not to go down them, doesn't mean they won't. You can't assume. I'd rather have peace of mind.

Pepperglitter · 14/02/2014 20:48

Mine were safe on the stairs from about 11months. They needed supervision until 18 months but after that I didn't trail after them they could go up to their room if they chose. I did keep the bathroom doors shut and they weren't tall enough to open them.

I don't see the point of stair gates, in our life's anyway.

Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2014 09:02

I'm glad it's not just me Pepper, we did just fine without.

QueenofKelsingra · 15/02/2014 09:39

house design does also play a part in our decision - we have a Victorian house, not only is it an extra long set of stairs because of ceiling height, it is solid tiles at the bottom. we also have very low single glazed windows upstairs so wouldn't want them up there on their own.

I do accept that if you have a child who sees the gate as challenge they might cause issues. all 3 of mine just ignore them though.

Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2014 09:44

If you have them what age do you take them away?

Whathaveiforgottentoday · 15/02/2014 09:46

Yes and no. Our house doesn't fit a stair gate very well at the top of the stairs (very wide) and we removed them quite early as DD1 liked to climb them and we were worried it would fall.
We found it safer with a stair gate on her bedroom door to stop her wandering at night. For a long time we had a massive square pillow at the bottom of the stairs just in case and taught her to come down safely.

However, i would have prefered to have kept a stair gate for longer if it had been able to be fitted properly.

QueenofKelsingra · 15/02/2014 09:52

sparkling DS is 4 and DTs are 21m. we have one on the playroom door, one at the top and one at the bottom of the stairs. The playroom one will stay until the DTs learn to open it themselves as its great to be able to keep them shut in while I make lunch etc. I think DS1 was about 3 before he was able to do it.

the ones on the stairs are more to stop accidental night time wanderings from DS1 so I expect it to stay a while.

The one at the bottom of the stairs to stop them wandering upstairs if they are not shut in the playroom. again I expect this to stay until they can open it themselves, so about age 3.

but as I said, mine don't bother trying to climb/open them.

notso · 15/02/2014 09:55

I think we will keep ours for a while yet for DS 3 and DS 22 months.

They can't be trusted not to go into the older DC's bedrooms and the only alternative I can think is to get locks on the bedroom doors which I think is worse that the gate.

differentnameforthis · 15/02/2014 10:23

My toddler literally never leaves my side though

This was my dd1. She would always do as she was told, stayed next to me by roads, held the buggy when she wanted to walk, never strayed away. I am ashamed to admit that I was a tad gloaty about it, wondering why parents didn't teach their kids to do the same...

then I had dd2. And the judgement stopped because through no fault of my own, she would not stay glues to my side, she could undo her straps for her buggy, her car seat & the trolleys. She hated reins.

Not all kids are like dd1 & your toddler.

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