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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think stair gates can be more dangerous than no stair gates?

72 replies

PinkHardHat · 14/02/2014 13:12

Dd is 22 months old and I've never had stair gates for her. We were watching dd1 at an extra-curricular activity the other day and when it was time to collect her we began walking with another mum and her slightly older toddler. They both ran ahead and eventually there were some stairs. I called to dd to wait though they were probably only five feet in front of us. She stopped and sat down ready to go down backwards/on her bottom like she does at home. The other lady's toddler carried on running full speed and she had to run to catch her just as her foot went over the top step. Thankfully she was fine and the mum explained it as she's never really seen stairs without gates. Dd stops a few feet back from the top of stairs as she's used to no gates, though obviously I Would make sure I'm there in case one time she didn't.

I had stair gates for a while with dd1 but got rid when she pulled it and it nearly fell on her. I told the lady we don't have stair gates and she looked disgusted. Aibu not to have them and to think they can actually be more dangerous?

OP posts:

Joysmum · 14/02/2014 13:49

Wow, so many people that can't read!

The OP says 'can' not 'always'. Of course there are situations where stair gates can be more of an issue than if they weren't there, just like seat belts in cars can cause injuries as well as prevent them.

On balance though, we make our own decisions based on perceived risks and benefits.

One thing that I haven't noticed mentioned is the extreme danger to people who don't close the stair gates when they should. My DH forgot to shut the stair gates and found our 9.5 month DD up in the loft with him, closely supervised by the cat who alerted him to the danger by howling. How the hell I didn't kill him for that I'll never know!

Original poster

PinkHardHat · 14/02/2014 13:50

I didn't say 'no one should bother with stair gates.' Obviously every child and situation is different and it's a personal choice. I do think, though, that people sometimes assume having them is enough and then forget to teach about stair safety and personally I don't like the risk of complacency. With 4 children aged 6 andunder, plus friends, around I would be nervous that one of them Would forget to close it or not do so properly and dd might lean on it thinking it's safe and fall through. I'd rather she's taught to keep away altogether unless holding my hand.

OP posts:

anothernumberone · 14/02/2014 13:50

Aibu not to have them

YANBU

and to think they can actually be more dangerous

YABU

It is very rare for them to be more dangerous when they are installed correctly.

anothernumberone · 14/02/2014 13:53

Pinkhardhat what makes you think that generally people with stair gates do not teach their child stair safety? The lady you encoountered was in the minority I think so I doubt that is true. We certainly always have taught stair safety with our lot. We tend to use the stairgates for preventing them from going upstairs when we do not want them to rather than just for safety IYSWIM.

Beehatch · 14/02/2014 13:56

We have a stairgate at the top purely for the fact that the kids cross the top of the stairs between their bedroom and ours. Now they are 4 and 6 we only close it at night because night time visits are still common and in a barely awake state I dread to think what could happen.

LongTailedTit · 14/02/2014 14:00

YABU. Just because one mum you know hasn't taught her child to be careful near stairs doesn't make stair gates the preserve of irresponsible numpties.

We have very steep stairs and a 'landing' of less than 1m sq. We don't use the stair gates during the day as we've taught DS (nearly 3) to be careful on them. However, they're essential at night - if he wandered out of his room half asleep he could easily take one wrong step to the right on his way to our room and fall down them.
In a house with a different layout and more room between doors/stairs we may have not bothered closing it by this age.

Blueberrymuffint0p · 14/02/2014 14:01

Yabu-there's a happy medium to be found. Once your child can understand instructions, teach them how to go down stairs safely but I think it's irresponsible to never have a stair gate, my son had no sense of danger when he started crawling-a stair gate gave him freedom to roam without the danger of breaking his neck!

ShadowFall · 14/02/2014 14:23

Well, I'd certainly agree that a badly fitted stairgate can be worse than no stairgate at all.

If your stairgate has been fitted so badly that it comes off the wall when a small child pulls at it, and opens out across the stairs in such a way as to easily let someone topple down the stairs, then, yes, removing that stairgate altogether might well be safer. Particularly if that stairgate is owned by "complacent" parents who don't bother teaching their children how to use stairs safely.

But I believe that having a well fitted stairgate, combined with parents who teach children about stair safety, is safer than having no stairgate.

The stairgates we use in our house are screwed into the stairposts & doorframes, so that they can't be pulled down by DS1. The stairgate at the top of the stairs is fitted so that it can only open one way - outward onto the landing. So, say if the stairgate is pulled to, but not latched closed, pushing on it will only open it if you're standing on the stairs and going up onto the landing. If you're standing on the landing pushing the stairgate, it can't open.

I agree though that teaching children how to use stairs safely is essential.

Waltonswatcher1 · 14/02/2014 14:34

I totally agree with you op.
3 storey house here and no stair gates. Dd is 2 and unlike her older siblings who grew up with stair gates,she has never fallen .
When her mates come to play she actively polices the stairs and will scream loudly if they go near them .All her buddies have stair gates and all are fascinated by them and have no danger awareness to them .
YANBU

QueenofKelsingra · 14/02/2014 15:05

But I believe that having a well fitted stairgate, combined with parents who teach children about stair safety, is safer than having no stairgate.

^^ This.

OP you seem to think that having a stairgate means a parent will automatically not teach stair safety based on one parent.

would you leave your child with a hot cup of tea as they know not to touch it? would you leave your child in the kitchen when the stove is on because they know it is hot? would you leave your child on the side of a swimming pool because they know not to get in without you? we all teach our kids to be safe, but kids are kids and accidents happen, it seems a silly risk to take when there is an inexpensive way to lower the risk.

Fifyfomum · 14/02/2014 15:09

YANBU, we have never had stair gates, all our children have been confident with stairs by a year old.

tiredbutstillsmiling · 14/02/2014 15:13

We didn't have a stairgate until we heard banging in the bathroom & realised DD (at 10 months!) had hauled herself up the stairs! Now we have one at the top & bottom so we can let her wander around at her own free will. I also shut kitchen door if oven's on. All this means when I get home from work, DD can play & I can shower, cook, do odd jobs etc. At 2 she can walk up & down the stairs unaided but we always supervise, just because it hasn't happened doesn't mean it will.

OHforsSUCKSfake · 14/02/2014 15:16

Having not got stairgates quickly enough when DS2 started crawling, ending in him at 14 months old with a fractured wrist from falling off the first step up, YABU.

Kendodd · 14/02/2014 15:19

Hmm... I don't know.

Children do learn very young how to manage stairs on bums/bellies I suppose more of a danger is accidental tripping down the stairs when not looking where they are going.

I had stair gates and the only injuries my children have ever suffered was from tripping over the stair gate and cutting their head open.

MoreSnowPlease · 14/02/2014 15:24

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

Cranky01 · 14/02/2014 15:25

Ds 2 turns to go down on his bottom just before the stairs, but if he was running and having fun I'm not sure he would think past tying to be fast.

We have a gate on the stairs to stop ds1 going down the stairs when he wakes up in the night and starts to look for us,

Oblomov · 14/02/2014 15:26

It's not a crime to not have stair gates. We had them for a very short bit. Took them down. Neither ds has ever fallen down the stairs it hurt himself.
Yet OP has been told she YABU.
What are you? The stair gate vigilantes?

Kendodd · 14/02/2014 15:27

Actually I have kept one of our stair gates to stop the dog going upstairs, that's a good use for then.

WorraLiberty · 14/02/2014 15:33

My kids were sleep walkers so I had to have a gate at the top of the stairs.

meganorks · 14/02/2014 15:36

We have one to the kitchen and one at the top of the stairs but rarely use (dd1 2.5). Before we had kitchen one dd1 knew she wasn't allowed in and has rarely tried. I use that one when oven on or i'm going upstairs.
On the stairs have door to the hallway that I shut. And upstairs not really used now as she is very capable of getting down by herself. But before she could I was glad to have it as she is a runner and has no fear.
Grandparents have different gates which she can now open. So I've said safer to have top gate open so she canvwalk down as more likely to fall trying to open the gate first.

CrohnicallyFarting · 14/02/2014 16:45

notso we taught Dd to crawl down stairs backwards, and she was really good at it, however as soon as she started walking she wants to walk down forwards. It is scary seeing your 16 month old holding onto the bannister as she tries to step off the top step.

Sparklingbrook · 14/02/2014 16:53

We didn't have stair gates at all. DSs are 14 and 12 now so was years ago, but all was fine IIRC.
Neither toppled down the stairs.

missymayhemsmum · 14/02/2014 17:22

Stairgates are great... till your toddler learns to belly roll over the top like my ds

YouseewhathappensLarry · 14/02/2014 17:33

I've never had stair gates for any of my children but I've been lucky to live in a house I can close doors on the stairs , my kids were supervised going up and down the stairs from a very young age as a result they are confident on them.

I think the main problem is some people with stairgates don't allow their kids to practice on the stairs so they don't become proficient in them , rather than the stair gates themselves .

notso · 14/02/2014 17:34

missmayhem DS2 did this we ended up swapping to a high gate for large dogs!

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