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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hacked off at school for encouraging valentine roses in class

37 replies

Whyjustwhy · 14/02/2014 09:17

Dd at local faith comprehensive school.
This year, the school is running a delivery service on valentines day, pay 60p for a red rose to be delivered to your valentine in class.

Great for those that get them, but pretty sh**ty for those that don't.
So aibu to feel this isn't appropriate in school?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 14/02/2014 09:26

I don't think its appropriate at all.
I know kids aren't always going to get what they want and my 2 certainly aren't wrapped in cotton wool but I think that the whole " who for a card and who didn't" trauma is bad enough without adding roses into the mix.
Added to that valentines is really an adult celebration rather thana children's one so no I don't think yanbu at all.

Edenviolet · 14/02/2014 09:27

When I was at high school there were always girls who got roses, chocolates and big heart shaped balloons. They would show off and anyone who didn't receive anything always felt a bit left out and jealous.

Being very shy, extremely tall and skinny and nicknamed 'lanky' or 'Annie' as in Annie-rexic Sad I never got anything. I also was a school refuser and had to have a teacher from a special scheme actually take me to every lesson or I would just leave school. At first I was annoyed having to be taken to each lesson.

My birthday is on valentines day and she got me a lovely birthday card and a rose, she told me that if anybody asked who the rose was from not to say, it made me feel really special and everybody was trying to work out who had got it for me. I suddenly wasn't just the 'odd' one anymore.
I still have the card she wrote as it was so kind of her.

adeucalione · 14/02/2014 09:29

All the schools around here do it & I think most are run by sixth form Business Studies students to make a profit that they then donate to charity.

I suppose it is crap for those who don't get one, but by secondary school I think they should be able to handle that shouldn't they?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/02/2014 09:29

I think it's shit.

My dsis was telling me that in the US you buy sweets and 'favours' which are basically pretty cards with the person's name on them and give them out to everyone. It's all about friendship which I thought was a nice idea. What you are describing sounds awful.

TOADfan · 14/02/2014 09:31

I remember in school getting a valentines card. I was so happy until I started to be teased because the "class weirdo" fancied me Sad

Pawprint · 14/02/2014 09:31

That's shocking!

adeucalione · 14/02/2014 09:33

DD and her friends send roses to each other, so more about friendship than romance for them anyway.

limitedperiodonly · 14/02/2014 09:34

Whose stupid idea was that?

My school used to ban valentine's cards. Well, not exactly ban them but it stopped people flaunting them and making the awkward amongst us feel even more unlovable than usual.

mummymeister · 14/02/2014 09:35

our local senior schools do it as well. it is a bit like the birthday party invites though with some kids always being invited and nobby no mates standing in the corner. some schools have gone to the extreme of saying no invites handed out in class. I guess this is similar. personally don't have a problem with it as it raises money for the school but can see it would have an effect on some so perhaps its not the best idea.

adeucalione · 14/02/2014 09:36

If the school didn't organise something wouldn't people just bring cards and gifts in from home anyway?

EEatingSoupForLunch · 14/02/2014 09:39

They ought to be able to 'handle it' by their teens? This can be a rotten day for adults, why create this have and have not nonsense for children?

Theas18 · 14/02/2014 09:40

Dunno- we did this at school many years ago as a fundraiser with " cupids" with sashes and wings that you could pay some money to read a poem to your valentine in class...

I was a billy no mates anyway (Ok I had 2 geeky friends) and it didn't make it any "worse". Mind you the poem thing was pretty cringy for the recipient too!

dreamingbohemian · 14/02/2014 09:40

YANBU

We had this at my high school and some of us never got anything, it was pretty humiliating. And unnecessary.

At least with cards, it's less obvious if you didn't get any. Roses are very visible.

Sandiacre · 14/02/2014 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 14/02/2014 09:41

Happy Birthday Hedgehog!

AwfulMaureen · 14/02/2014 09:42

I would complain personally. I don't think that's healthy at all.

Edenviolet · 14/02/2014 09:43

Thankyou Smile

Floggingmolly · 14/02/2014 09:44

Bloody hell, that is awful Shock

Backtobedlam · 14/02/2014 09:47

They did this at my senior school, I always hoped I wouldn't get anything, once I did and just crammed it into my bag really embarrassed! Depends on the child I suppose, like adults some love it some loathe it, you can't please everyone and I don't suppose it's any more cruel than christmas cards/presents, Easter eggs etc that children take in for their friend or friends and not others.

PotsofGold · 14/02/2014 09:49

Its stupid. They used to have this when I was at school. Being at the bottom of the popularity pile, I never received one.

The popular girls used to get about half a dozen each.

Years later I read on Facebook that they all used to send them to each other to ensure that they would all look like they had loads of admirers!

If anyone's DCs are feeling a bit down in the dumps about it, just remind them that the people receiving loads are probably just sending them to each other.

HesterShaw · 14/02/2014 09:51

Being one of the kids who never had a Valentine's card until I was 24 and no boyfriend ever in school, this sounds absolutely awful to me. Way to go, school Hmm. There's time enough to feel shit as an adult, why inflict any more than the minimum on poor kids?

Only1scoop · 14/02/2014 09:51

Bet the popular girls will get them allHmm

EduCated · 14/02/2014 10:00

They did this once when I was at school. Except all that happened was that it was used as a way to take the piss out of the bullied kids, having roses delivered to them in class, whilst laughing behind heir backs because they thought someone fancied them Sad Angry

Thankfully they saw sense and didn't do it again.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/02/2014 10:06

It's NOT the same as Easter Eggs. Ask any Teen whether they can see a comparison. Valentine's Day at secondary school is rough for many because it's about whether somebody fancies you or not - and a visible display at that.

This is why many parents have taken to buying stuff for their kids to offset any disappointment, I think.

Valentine's Day used to be more anonymous, surreptitious and therefore gentler somehow. Now it's become magnified and oh so very LOUD.

If you complain to the school (perhaps you should?), then make sure that your children don't know about it because some of their peers will like this particular ostentation.

Eilidhbelle · 14/02/2014 10:29

At the school I used to work in, they do kissagrams ever year on valentines day. I think it started innocently enough but now it's an excuse for the 6th years to wear hardly any clothes and lapdance on the other kids. It's so weird, we complained every year but we were brushed off by SM as 'it's just a bit of fun'. I don't work there any more but I can't imagine it's changed much.