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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hand over a bag of dirty washing to the ex when he picks up his children?

41 replies

UterusUterusGhali · 13/02/2014 15:35

STBExH is picking up the boys tonight. I am drowning under laundry as my tumblie broke a while ago and now my heating is on the blink.

Ex only ever does fun stuff with them. He's missed two dentists appointments and countless other things.

I am ill at the mo. ExH has not helped at all with the boys.

WINU to hand him an ikea bag of the boy's dirty clothes?

He lives with his mother who does everything for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
UterusUterusGhali · 13/02/2014 15:38

*Wibu. Fat fingers.

OP posts:
MeepMeepVrooooom · 13/02/2014 15:41

I can see why you would want to but no I don't think it's a good idea IMHO.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 13/02/2014 15:42

Nothing wrong with asking him if he would mind though.

bochead · 13/02/2014 15:42

If you are ill it's not unreasonable to hand his children's laundry over to him as you have an equipment breakdown.

I wouldn't make a habit of it, just cos I prefer to be self-sufficient normally.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 13/02/2014 15:43

I'd be nice when you do it or he won't.. say sorry tumble dryer is broke so you will need to do kid's laundry this week.

But I don't think yabu

Damnautocorrect · 13/02/2014 15:43

Could you text his mum and ask her to help out?

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 13/02/2014 15:44

No,you wouldn't be unreasonable but I wouldn't. He may use it against you and infer you aren't coping.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 13/02/2014 15:46

Could you wash them a give him the clothes to dry? I think that is more reasonable than handing him the bag of dirty clothes.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 13/02/2014 15:48

You could ask him nicely but he may be concerned and wonder why you haven't been doing it/get narked that you haven't been doing it and suggest aren't coping (you don't need a tumble dryer)

Mrswellyboot · 13/02/2014 15:48

I'd ask him

Is he reasonable?

MissMilbanke · 13/02/2014 15:48

Absolutely fine and reasonable thing to do imo.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 13/02/2014 15:49

OP's heat is broken too. You need a tumble dryer OR heat.

Otherwise you havea smelly damp house

kilmuir · 13/02/2014 15:51

You need a tumble dryer with all this rain!
Tell him you have not been well,

Mabelface · 13/02/2014 15:52

Perfectly reasonable to ask him to do some of his children's washing.

MrsSteptoe · 13/02/2014 15:52

If my relationship with my XDH was fairly amicable, I wouldn't hesitate, though I think it's always polite to phrase it as a request! even when it's something that it's not really reasonable to refuse (sorry, that became a bit of a badly phrased sentence!).

If your relationship with your XDH is rubbish, I think I'd rather get someone to take it for a service wash to the nearest launderette if you've got one!

Or can you ask your XDH to take it for a service wash, and maybe even to drop it back to you?

Mabelface · 13/02/2014 15:52

Perfectly reasonable to ask him to do some of his children's washing.

OddFodd · 13/02/2014 15:53

Why would the OP involve his mum Damn? If he wants to ask her to do the washing, that's between them but I don't think the OP should join in with assuming he's incapable of being anything other than Disney Dad.

I'd definitely ask in the current circumstances.

RedFocus · 13/02/2014 15:56

YABU to just hand it over without talking to him about it first. There is no harm in asking. If he says he can't then off you go to the launderette like everyone else has to when the washing machine or in your case the tumble dryer packs in and its no way near payday.
My ex lent me the money to buy a washing machine last month but i used the launderette for a few weeks before he offered.

Ginocchio · 13/02/2014 15:56

I don't think it's an unreasonable request, but it depends on what your STBxH is like - is he likely to hold it against you / use it as a basis to argue for reduced maintenance / make life more difficult in the future?

In short, is it worth the aggravation for the amount of benefit that you'd get?

HebeJeeby · 13/02/2014 15:58

I don't think you would be unreasonable to ask him if you explain your situation and you think he would be reasonable about it. However, if you think he would kick off or refuse then I wouldn't because your children will be there and it's not fair on them to see you have a row.

HesterShaw · 13/02/2014 16:00

I can't believe some of these replies! Why on earth shouldn't he undertake some of his children's care if it needs doing? The tumble drier is broken. Why should his mother do it? Can't he work a washing machine?

HesterShaw · 13/02/2014 16:00

Though yes, if it causes a row and affects the DC maybe not.

Joysmum · 13/02/2014 16:00

If your relationship with him is good and you are a parenting partnership then yes, ask. If your relationship is strained then no, show no weakness.

starfishmummy · 13/02/2014 16:02

Depends on how reliable he is - would the stuff come back?

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 13/02/2014 16:29

No one is saying he shouldn't Hestershaw, of course he should. He also should not have missed the dentists appointments and be helping out more.

I just know my ex would have used this against me.

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