AIBU to not go to a team meeting because I can't afford to buy lunch in the pub

[jemjelly]

We usually have our team meetings in the office but this time some bright spark decided it would be nice and sociable to have our monthly team meeting in the pub. The managers all agreed and a menu was sent round the office last week, everyone was asked to have a look and add our food order so they could email it in and the food would be ready when we got to the pub.

I replied to the email and said I would not be able to go this time and one of my colleagues came to my desk and asked me why :( I had to admit to her that as my DH is unemployed and as I only work 20 hours a week I really can't afford it. I asked her to keep it quiet as I don't want the whole office to know my business.

As they were all leaving my boss said really loudly "oh are you not coming to the meeting jelly". I just mumbled no and he gave me a look, it was really embarrassing, I think he will mention this and ask me why I did not go when he gets back.

AIBU to think that I should not be expected to pay for food at a team meeting which is just for work when I only earn minimum wage and have better/more important things to spend my meager salary on.

Are you sure that this wasnt on expenses? Very odd if not. Talk to your boss.

I also think you should tell your boss, I would be mortified if one of my staff wasn't attending over lack of funds. You never know he might up your hours...

Yanbu. This was incredibly unthoughtful of them. How can they just assume everyone will be able to afford it. I think if this is going to become a regular occurrence then you will have to speak to your boss.

OP, if your organisation has had a pay freeze for 5 years, many of your colleagues will be feeling the pinch (no doubt not as much as you) and will sympathise with your position. I don't think many people will have arranged their lives, eg mortgages, on the basis that their pay would stay the same (a big real terms reduction) for 5 years plus.

jem, I think you've been put in a horrible position. Stupid, unthinking people not to realise that not everyone's on the kind of salary where the cash for a pub lunch is going to be readily available. I completely understand you not wanting to initiate that conversation with your boss. I know I'd feel awkward doing it. Do you think the meeting being in the pub is likely to be a one-off? If so, I'd be tempted not to say anything - just chalk it up to experience. But if it's likely to turn into a regular thing, then you're going to have to talk to your boss in confidence, I think, as there's no other way around it. But YANBU. The fault is theirs, especially your boss's, for not thinking through the consequences of holding the meeting in the pub. I loathe that kind of thoughtlessness.

There's no budget for social occasions . A team meeting you're obliged to attend is not a social occasion.

Not only are you NBU, I think it would be appropriate to have a word with your manager and explain that being on minimum wage and sole earner in your family, you don't have cash for socials so would prefer them not to be combined with work in future, so that you can attend the meeting. You really don't have to feel ashamed or embarrassed about being short of money. And you certainly shouldn't have to miss out on work meetings because you're not paid enough to attend them.

How about this to your boss:

I was disappointed to be unable to attend the work meeting. It's important to me that you don't think this was lack of interest in my work. As sole earner in our family on minimum wage I don't have that amount of disposable income and would appreciate it if, in future, work and social get togethers were kept distinctly separate so that I can continue to make an appropriate contribution in meetings.

What a horrible situation. If it's a work meeting, work should pay. And your work certainly shouldn't suffer because you can't afford or don't fucking want to pay for a pub lunch. It shows a total lack of awareness to your situation - speaks volumes that they can't see how different your circumstances could be from earning minimum wage compared to their management salaries. Wait until you've calmed yourself down a bit, but definitely talk to your boss as soon as you can.

I once worked for a company where the CEO made this truly bizarre internal announcement grumbling about the problems he'd had with his private yacht. This led into some equally bizarre fundraising/charity plea where he encouraged everyone to "dig deep" for an orphan charity that had caught his attention. why he couldn't dig deep into his own pockets, I'll never know

His timing - when almost every member of staff feared redundancy - couldn't have been more crap. My income had dropped dramatically, finances were tight and I'd just cancelled all my charity direct debits. I felt like the worst person in the world. And I'll never EVER forget how much worse he made me feel when he moaned that we didn't dig deep enough (for him to generate any his expected level of fucking press coverage). The prick. He just had no idea.

If I was you I would have emailed my boss saying

'Apologies for my absence at the meeting. I had not budgeted for a meal out this week hence why I was not there.'

I think wood runners email is very good.