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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not go to a team meeting because I can't afford to buy lunch in the pub

63 replies

jemjelly · 13/02/2014 14:11

We usually have our team meetings in the office but this time some bright spark decided it would be nice and sociable to have our monthly team meeting in the pub. The managers all agreed and a menu was sent round the office last week, everyone was asked to have a look and add our food order so they could email it in and the food would be ready when we got to the pub.

I replied to the email and said I would not be able to go this time and one of my colleagues came to my desk and asked me why :( I had to admit to her that as my DH is unemployed and as I only work 20 hours a week I really can't afford it. I asked her to keep it quiet as I don't want the whole office to know my business.

As they were all leaving my boss said really loudly "oh are you not coming to the meeting jelly". I just mumbled no and he gave me a look, it was really embarrassing, I think he will mention this and ask me why I did not go when he gets back.

AIBU to think that I should not be expected to pay for food at a team meeting which is just for work when I only earn minimum wage and have better/more important things to spend my meager salary on.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/02/2014 15:05

This happened to a friend of mine a few years ago.

She spoke to her boss, who was utterly mortified. He made sure that all team things during work hours were either expensed or happened in the office, and he also got a payrise approved for her.

I think lots of more senior/well paid staff don't think about the reality of what a low-paid £x.xx per hour job actually means. It does them no harm to have that brought to their attention from time to time.

squeakytoy · 13/02/2014 15:07

There is nothing to stop you going and have a soda water. Eat your lunch at your desk before or afterwards. There is also no shame in saying you can't afford something either.

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 13/02/2014 15:07

I too think you should tell your boss.

mumbaisapphirebluespruce · 13/02/2014 15:07

Sorry for the multiple posts!

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 13/02/2014 15:07

I think it is important that you tell your boss this.

There is no shame at all in being skint. They should be embarrassed for their total lack of thought.

They should not have arranged this, just assuming everyone could afford or would want to pay for a meal out.

Casmama · 13/02/2014 15:07

Presumably attendance at these meetings is not optional in which case you should have explained to your boss.
I'm sorry you were in the situation though.

BrianTheMole · 13/02/2014 15:10

Yanbu.

YellowTulips · 13/02/2014 15:13

I think you workplace is being VERY VERY VERY unreasonable. They are in effect excluding staff from a team meeting because they a) might not want to pay for it b) may not be able to afford it c) not like/want to go to a pub.

All my team meetings take place in the office or by WebEx. If on occasion we do a meeting at a pub (by mutual agreement) my expectation is that as the senior manager I will pick up the bill - either via expenses or personally - but I would never expect my staff to do so - ever.

Quite frankly I think you have a case to go, get lunch and them claim the money back. That's what expenses are for - to reimburse you for money spent that you would not have otherwise had to pay because the business dictated it.

I think there is an important principle here and I think you should speak to your boss or HR. I suspect you feel a little embarrassed - but there may be other team members who feel just like you and I worry that by acquiescing on this it becomes a burdensome trend.

macystacy · 13/02/2014 15:16

I've never been to a work team meeting where the company didn't pay. That's ridiculous!

Original poster
jemjelly · 13/02/2014 15:19

.....I think I would probably get upset if I tried to talk to him about it but I could send him an email I suppose. I could just say I don't think I should be expected to pay for food at a team meeting and can we have them in the office in future, they are all going to think I am a misserable sod though, they have all come back from the pub very jolly.

OP posts:
VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 13/02/2014 15:21

YANBU and i always used to resent being forced to "hang out" with colleagues....especially when you are paying for the privilege!

Original poster
jemjelly · 13/02/2014 15:22

I am the only secretary (low earner on the team) as everyone else is management level.

OP posts:
VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 13/02/2014 15:26

It's very unfair OP, and you must feel shit about it. THink you shoudl mention not having any money though to your boss and ask for a raise while you're at it!

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 13/02/2014 15:27

Maybe if you let them know next time they will pick up your tab.. I wouldn't be embarrassed if they are managment and you're a secrretary it's only fair

MimiSunshine · 13/02/2014 15:38

I think your situation is making you react very sensitively to this. That's not unreasonable but people aren't mind readers. I think your email could come across as confrontational, why not just apologise for not attending and say you prefer to eat the lunch you've brought with you and could meetings please stay in the office from now on, otherwise you will be unable to attend.

As i said i think you should have told your boss you weren't going mainly for professional courtesy but also personal reasons so you weren't asked why so publicly.

But it really is no big deal to go and just have a drink, you just say you've brought your lunch. I've seen plenty of people do it and have done it myself, no one sits there thinking about, they're too busy ordering and eating.

FunkyBoldRibena · 13/02/2014 15:39

'Sorry boss, but you can't have a team meeting in a pub if you aren't paying for it. Either it's a social in which case it's not a meeting. Or a meeting in which case it's not a social. You decide.'

Leeds2 · 13/02/2014 16:16

YANBU at all. But, if the others all really enjoyed the pub lunch, someone will inevitably suggest that the next one be held there too. For that reason, I think I would tell the boss that I couldn't afford it. Hopefully, he will take the hint and hold the next one in the office.

ShadowFall · 13/02/2014 16:43

YANBU to not want to go.

But if everyone else went to the pub and liked it, then it's going to be suggested again, and unless someone gives them a good reason not to, it'll happen again.

I really think that you should have a quiet word with your boss and explain that you can't afford to pay for a pub lunch.

Your boss can't be expected to know that you didn't go because you couldn't afford it if you don't tell him. Yes, he'll know how much you earn - but he may assume that your partner earns loads more than you, or even have assumed that you're just being anti-social.

Dromedary · 13/02/2014 16:47

Lots of people here seem to work in lovely places where this kind of lunch is paid for. We quite frequently go on team lunches and always have to pay for ourselves, including at Christmas. Similarly, we hardly ever get freebies like coffee and biscuits at meetings. Austerity rules Sad.
I would go and just drink tapwater. Maybe this will help your boss to understand what working on the minimum wage means. Has anyone mentioned the living wage to your company?

JoinYourPlayfellows · 13/02/2014 16:52

I am the only secretary (low earner on the team) as everyone else is management level.

So you are one secretary to a team of managers on much higher salaries and these total bastards expected you to pay money for the privilege of attending a meeting? Hmm

That is not on at all.

I think you should send that e-mail to your boss.

Or even better would be if you could talk to him/her and explain the awkward situation you were put in by this plan and that you would appreciate never being put in that situation again.

KellyElly · 13/02/2014 16:55

Work or your manager should be paying. That's cheeky.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 13/02/2014 17:07

he'll know how much you earn - but he may assume that your partner earns loads more than you,

Even if that were the case...why would the OP why would the op be expected to use his money to supplement her meagre wage so they can go out for pub lunches

Original poster
jemjelly · 13/02/2014 17:51

I couldn't talk to him today as I was too upset about it and would have probably cried which would have been even more embarrassing but I have decided to talk to him next week when I am back in the office. I think you are probably right and he thinks I was being unsociable which will not go down very well.

I need to make it clear I can't afford this as I think this will be a regular occurance otherwise.

It's horrible struggling for money when everyone around you is doing very well thank you.

There's no chance of a pay rise, our salaries have been fixed for the past 5 years. This was okay when my DH was working but it's bloody hard now,

OP posts:
MyNameIsKenAdams · 13/02/2014 17:58

I would just email and say

"Hi X, hope it was a good meeting yesterday, let me know if you want me to type up the minutes. Sadly I wasn't able to attend due to funds, but look forward to attending any held here on site, regards X"

WilsonFrickett · 13/02/2014 18:01

I agree you should have a word to your boss. Or this is going to happen next month, and you'll end up with an unfair rep for not being 'teamy'. You don't have to tell him your business - a simple 'you know what I earn and I don't choose to spend a twentieth of my salary on a pub lunch' is enough.