Bloody nose! Was I unreasonable?

[Hollyelf]

At the end of a playgroup (parents stay) session today another toddler ended up with a bloody nose apparently as a result of my toddler hitting him with a toy.

I didn't see it, I was running a group activity to occupy the children as parents tidied up. As soon as I realised something had happened and my toddler was involved I checked that the other child was ok, apologised, removed mine from the room, put his coat on to leave, returned him to apologise to the other child directly (which he refused to do), apologised again myself and then we left. Maybe worth mentioning my toddler has a speech delay and finds sorry a difficult word to say though he will normally try to mumble something.

The mum was commenting throughout to her toddler about the "naughty boy" and the "naughty thing" he'd done. She made me feel even more shit then I already did. Anyway was I unreasonable in what I did and how I handled it? What more could I do?!?

okay, personally I would be concerned if the thought of hurting a child entered my head but can understand being upset when your own child is hurt.

Aghh OP - nightmare scenario for you!

I can understand why the other mum was upset and giving your lad the stink eye and saying he was naughty. I think you have to suck that one up...even if I actually agree that to repeat that your son was naughty over and over again was OTT.
You did everything right. You apologised unreservedly and removed your child. There was nothing else you could do. Well done - you sound like a great mum.

Winterlace - eeeek! Think you could be doing with some perspective.

You behaved fine, these things happen. It was embarrassing for you and upsetting for her, but your response was spot on.

Maybe I'm too laid back as a parent, as it wouldn't have particularly bothered me if another toddler had done that to my toddler. Toddlers do get into scrapes like that sometimes.

I think the way you dealt with it was fine, and I wouldn't have been calling your boy naughty. In fact I probably would have been telling you it was fine and that these things happen.

Me too spocks. Unless the child had form for being a bit of a tank, I'd be reassuring the other mum that we'd live to see another day. I certainly wouldn't be making a big point of calling their child naughty. I think that's a bit weird.

Well, I've GOT perspective, hence I recognise it's unreasonable of me and don't do anything - but it still stirs hatred in my loins!

It isn't intentional. Just a momentary feeling of malevolence!

When my pfb was a toddler he got hit a lot by two of my friends kids. I was always so relieved it wasn't mine doing the hitting.I never made a fuss and they both grew out if it. Lucky I wasn't smug as my second child was the reverse and hit their second/third kids. Sadly one friend totally forgot how violent her first son was and used to make a big old fuss! I was too wimpy to remind her!

I think you did the right things. I don't think that the other mother did anything wrong either.

I'd definitely teach your DS the sign for sorry. My DD used it for ages, despite not having any speech delay, she was just too stubborn to say sorry, but a sign was a reasonable alternative.

Parent do have to accept that there may be rough and tumble (within reason) when children meet. You could hover over your DS the whole time, but that would deprive other children of the activity you were supervising. I would rather have an occasionally bruised child, but with opportunities, rather than a vigilantly watched child.

I think you handled it absolutely fine. I would have done exactly the same. I wouldn't worry too much about the other womans response though, I am sure she didn't mean it to cause offence.

Some of these responses genuinely make me very wary of taking my 13mo DS anywhere though, and I find it really sad that he misses out because of parents massively over reacting. He is only 13mo, but is very big for his age, which is a problem because not only do people assume he is older than he is, but he also doesn't realise that he is bigger and stronger than his peers. I actually find it really upsetting that people may feel anger towards my son or me if he accidentally hurts other children. He is 13mo, it isn't his fault that he is big, but if he accidentally hurts another child, it isn't naughty or malicious, he is 13 months old for goodness sake! If we were talking about a much older child, then yes, of course they should know better, but he isn't so of course he doesn't! Obviously if he does anything then I act appropriately, but what the OP did was exactly what she should have done. To suggest that she should have been treated a lot worse is absurd. I am actually shocked.

I think some yoga would go down a treat at these toddler groups .Some carers are so wound up.
We are talking about children here,not fully grown adults with personality disorders looking for a brawl!
My daughter was pinched on the cheek in Ikea (an altercation fuelled by Iggle Piggle jealousy). It drew blood.The mum was mortified and I did all I could to make her feel ok. Next time it could be my little girl ,ain't none of them perfect.

My son got bitten the other day and after I had kissed it better I impressed upon him that biting is naughty, and that people don't want to play with children who bite because it hurts and it's not a nice thing to do.

To the other mother, it could have appeared that I was giving her daughter a hard time, but I was actually repeating what I had told him earlier when he had bitten me. I wanted him to associate the way he felt with the way he had made me feel earlier, so that he really understood.

Fortunately, the other mother is a friend of mine and knew exactly what I was doing, but it's easy to forget that every parent is trying to encourage their children to empathise and think of others when they point out poor behaviour.

OP - how old is your toddler? As some people use the term toddler when preschooler or something is more accurate. There's a difference between an 18 month old hitting with a toy (which was wrong but not intentionally naughty), but this action from a 3 year old is naughty.

Winterlace your anger sounds very worrying. Perhaps you should speak to someone about this? And isn't the term "loins" referring to secure organs...

Sexual organs! Not secure!

Betty - in my TIO I saw 'how old is your toddler' and then 'sexual organs!' I spent a quiet few seconds wondering what on Earth had sent the thread that kind of direction and whether or not I should click.

Imagine my relief that you aren't from some crazy martial arts baby dojo or toddler mum fight club.
Imagine my disappointment you aren't one of the resident mothers with impulse control problems and a Jeremy Kyle fetish coming here to screech about kicking her in the cunt because she hurt ur baba, except cunt autocorrected to Cindy so you roared back through to yell 'sexual organs!'
You gave me all highs & lows all in 2 posts, thank you.

ohbythen hahaha that is very very funny! I should watch what I post in future.

I'm glad I gave you 10 seconds of highs though!

ohbythen hahaha that is very very funny! I should watch what I post in future.

I'm glad I gave you 10 seconds of highs though!