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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is really unfair?

57 replies

Stinklebell · 12/02/2014 09:42

DD's high school takes part in Global Rock (www.rockchallenge.co.uk).

DD also did it in primary school and loved it. She started high school in September, where they take the whole thing really seriously, auditioned and was over the moon to get a small part.

At the beginning they sent out a schedule of rehearsals which we had to sign and return - after school every Thursday until 5:15pm, a couple of full days in half term and 2 full days on the 2 Saturdays before the performance. They are expected to attend all rehearsals and anyone who misses a rehearsal without good reason will be removed from the show. All fine, no problem with dates, all signed and returned. DD has attended all the rehearsals so far

Then, after Christmas they added after school on Mondays to the rehearsals, wasn't a problem until this week when I realised DD had a dentist appointment - I made it back in September and it had slipped my mind (DD also does netball after school and my younger DD also has a couple of after school clubs so at the time Monday nights were the easiest night I could have both DDs in the same place at the same time).

Sent a letter into school for the teacher running Global Rock with DD on Monday apologising that she wouldn't be able to make the rehearsal due to an appointment. DD gave it to her on her way out of school, where I picked her up.

All fine, so I thought.

Except, DD was told yesterday that she was no longer in the show. That we signed up to her attending all rehearsals, if we couldn't attend them all we shouldn't have signed up and as she'd missed one she no longer had a part.

Now, I agree that the kids shouldn't sign up if they're not going to attend the rehearsals, but A) IMO 1 dentist appointment is a good reason, it's not like she just couldn't be arsed to go, and B) the Monday night rehearsals were added recently and not part of what we signed up to at the beginning

DD is gutted, she's worked really hard, attended every other rehearsal and I think it's harsh and unfair that she's been kicked out over 1 rehearsal

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 12/02/2014 09:45

Yes, it's totally unfair. Go and kick up a stink until your DD gets back in

DIYapprentice · 12/02/2014 09:45

But a dental appointment is an appointment that could have been moved with minimal effort on your part.

Face it, you stuffed up big time, and your DD is paying the price.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 12/02/2014 09:50

Bit torn on this, as I used to perform a lot, and remember how many rehearsals were cocked up because people were missing. But at the same time they only added the Monday ones recently. Why didn't you change the dentist appointment?

FlumpsRule · 12/02/2014 09:52

We've been in a similar position. It does seem very unfair & inflexible but I can understand the teacher's point of view too; as the Mondays were included just after Christmas & you are only just advising them of dental appointment. Can you change appointment & ask them to reconsider DDs place in view of oversight? A face to face discussion with teacher is definitely called for.

macdoodle · 12/02/2014 09:52

You should have just changed the dental appt, if it was made in Sept, then its just a routine check up, so no emergency, You agreed the rules. Maybe try and talk to them, but it amazes me how so many people dont think the rules apply to them, or that their exceptions are the only special ones.

Triliteral · 12/02/2014 09:53

I think you should go and talk to them and explain fully. You didn't sign up for the Monday rehearsals anyway, it's not always easy to change appointments at short notice, especially if you have other commitments, and if she has worked really hard, then she is being unfairly punished for something that is not her fault. If they are in any way reasonable, they should reconsider, but do it ASAP, as if she misses any more, they are less likely to take her back.

Morgause · 12/02/2014 09:54

I feel really sorry for your DD but as someone who used to run school shows I can understand the teacher's attitude. It's a hard job at the best of times but constant absentees make it a nightmare, especially when you have prepared rehearsal schedules.

It only takes one child to be absent to cock up a rehearsal. And if every child is absent once that's a lot of cocked up rehearsals.

jessjessjess · 12/02/2014 09:55

Why can't you just make a new dental appointment?

moominmarvellous · 12/02/2014 09:58

I would have just changed the appointment. But I do understand how you feel, I'd be gutted if that were my DD, she lies that kind of thing too.

I would try and speak to the teacher still and explain that you thought a medical reason (are dentist trips classed medical?) would be ok, and that appointments are difficult to get outside of school hours.

You might not get the answer you want but at least you'll have tried.

Original poster

Stinklebell · 12/02/2014 10:01

We had a family appointment, there was 4 of us and our dentist is an hour away. It's not easy to rearrange these things with all the other commitments we have - I picked Monday as it was our only free night in the first place.

We didn't sign up to the Monday rehearsals - Thursdays, 2 days in half term and 2 Saturdays were what we signed up to, there was never any mention of extra nights being added at some point. The Monday nights were recently added

It said in the original letter we signed that parents had to send a letter in excusing their child from the rehearsal if there was any reason that a child could not attend - which I did

OP posts:

RevoltInParadise · 12/02/2014 10:02

I probably would have changed the dentist, sorry.

RevoltInParadise · 12/02/2014 10:03

Xpost. That's a difficult one then, with a family appointment. (Why is your dentist an hour away?) tricky.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 12/02/2014 10:07

In which case, I'd go in and speak to the teacher.

Fleta · 12/02/2014 10:08

I think in this instance the school is being unreasonable.

It doesn't matter what the appointment was for - you made an appointment for a free night - you clearly have in writing what you signed up for, if they have added extra dates then they can't kick up a fuss if someone is missing.

I run shows for 4-11 year olds and I'm always absolutely clear up front exactly when we will be rehearsing.

I'm presuming if she'd been ill she wouldn't have been chucked out.

I'm afraid I'd be pushing for her to be reinstated.

Original poster

Stinklebell · 12/02/2014 10:08

Is an hour away as it was the closest NHS dentist taking new patients - our old surgery turned private a few years ago.

For check ups we book 4 appointments one after the other a few months in advance so we don't have to make loads of trips

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 12/02/2014 10:10

I thought YWBU until I read the terms of the original agreement.

As the appointment came first, it was virtually impossible to change and they moved the goalposts I would go in and speak directly to the teacher.

I would escalate up if they prove to be intransigent.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 12/02/2014 10:10

Very unfair. I hope you can get it sorted. Poor girl must be gutted.

macdoodle · 12/02/2014 10:22

As an aside....a 2hr round trip for a dental trip up is beyond crazy and just highlights the british obsession with "free treatment". Private dentists all offer free treatment to children, I pay my dentist £12/month for 2 check ups (plus XR if necc) and dental hygienist/year, and my 2 DD's are free. Obviously any treatment does cost extra. I think "free dentists" will soon be a thing of the past, as will NHS GP is the government gets its way.

Original poster

Stinklebell · 12/02/2014 10:22

See, this is where I'm coming from. When I made the appointment I picked Monday as it was the only night we could all be together in the same place at the same time within the opening hours of the dentist surgery, I made sure it didn't clash with her rehearsals.

They then added an extra night which clashed with a previously booked commitment. It's not that she just couldn't be arsed to attend, I'd fully support the school if that was the case

The original letter stated that if pupils needed to miss rehearsals with good reason, then parents needed to send in a letter excusing their child - which I did

OP posts:

AlpacaLypse · 12/02/2014 10:27

yanbu. Def kick up a fuss. I hate goalposts being moved unilaterally!

Not sure where in the country you are, but recently two of our dentists have started taking NHS adults as well as children again - might be worth checking nearer practices to see if they've changed policy since you last investigated.

OldDaddy · 12/02/2014 10:34

no pain no gain. you got to make sacrifices in this industry.

Floggingmolly · 12/02/2014 10:44

Yabu. A routine dental appointment is not set in stone (and the rehearsals were, in a manner of speaking). Why couldn't you have just changed the appointment?

Ihatemakingpackedlunches · 12/02/2014 10:46

We had a similar situation recently. dc (yr 7) signed up for school show. Rehearsal dates given in September. Signed to say we would attend them all. Meanwhile booked a day out on a recent Sunday. In January, some additional rehearsal dates were added (including the Sunday we had our day out booked for). Sent letter explaining, but teacher would not budge and dd would be out of the show if she did not attend for any reason. Rehearsal was on a Sunday morning, wasn't included in any original schedule...but drama teacher insisted she attend or she was out. Really hard decision for us - she had been rehearsing for 3/4 months by that point, so she didn't come on day out with us and we let her do the show.
I was cross but bit my lip as dd is new and didn't want to maker a fuss, but everyone I have explained situation to so far couldn't believe the teacher could insist on a Sunday morning rehearsal!

StabInTheDark · 12/02/2014 10:52

YANBU! I know quite a lot about Rock Challenge as my 3 DDs have been taking part for years now and have been to various stages of the competition. If she's in Year 7 with a small part, her being absent from ONE rehearsal is NOT going to cock it all up!!

I completely understand the teacher's rule because obviously loads of kids missing loads of rehearsals is going to be a nightmare for her. But being absent from one rehearsal with a valid reason? And with the goalposts being changed after Christmas too? Considering you wrote a note, I think the teacher's being unnecessarily harsh.

I'd phone the school, OP, because Rock Challenge is a fab experience and your DD must be gutted after working so hard.

Backtobedlam · 12/02/2014 10:57

I got kicked out of the show when I was 11yrs old as they sent out dates for rehearsals 2 weeks in advance...id already committed to a team competition on one of the Saturdays and couldn't drop out and let the whole team down. School wouldn't budge, and I had to leave. Never ever auditioned or did any drama after that, as a quiet, shy child (except for on stage) it really upset me that is got into 'trouble'. Speak to the teacher and really push for her to get let back in-why should one teacher get to put your daughter off something she loves for life?

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