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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is really unfair?

57 replies

Stinklebell · 12/02/2014 09:42

DD's high school takes part in Global Rock (www.rockchallenge.co.uk).

DD also did it in primary school and loved it. She started high school in September, where they take the whole thing really seriously, auditioned and was over the moon to get a small part.

At the beginning they sent out a schedule of rehearsals which we had to sign and return - after school every Thursday until 5:15pm, a couple of full days in half term and 2 full days on the 2 Saturdays before the performance. They are expected to attend all rehearsals and anyone who misses a rehearsal without good reason will be removed from the show. All fine, no problem with dates, all signed and returned. DD has attended all the rehearsals so far

Then, after Christmas they added after school on Mondays to the rehearsals, wasn't a problem until this week when I realised DD had a dentist appointment - I made it back in September and it had slipped my mind (DD also does netball after school and my younger DD also has a couple of after school clubs so at the time Monday nights were the easiest night I could have both DDs in the same place at the same time).

Sent a letter into school for the teacher running Global Rock with DD on Monday apologising that she wouldn't be able to make the rehearsal due to an appointment. DD gave it to her on her way out of school, where I picked her up.

All fine, so I thought.

Except, DD was told yesterday that she was no longer in the show. That we signed up to her attending all rehearsals, if we couldn't attend them all we shouldn't have signed up and as she'd missed one she no longer had a part.

Now, I agree that the kids shouldn't sign up if they're not going to attend the rehearsals, but A) IMO 1 dentist appointment is a good reason, it's not like she just couldn't be arsed to go, and B) the Monday night rehearsals were added recently and not part of what we signed up to at the beginning

DD is gutted, she's worked really hard, attended every other rehearsal and I think it's harsh and unfair that she's been kicked out over 1 rehearsal

OP posts:
Original poster
Stinklebell · 12/02/2014 10:59

If they'd said at the beginning that no pupil could miss a rehearsal ever then fine. But they didn't. The agreement said parents need to send in a letter excusing their child from a rehearsal if they are unable to attend - I did.

It's not like she couldn't be arsed to go or wanted to hang out round a mates house playing xbox. She had a previously booked appointment which I arranged around their previously agreed rehearsal schedule and sent in a letter, as per their agreement

I've rung and left a message for the teacher, just waiting for them to call me back

OP posts:
halfwildlingwoman · 12/02/2014 11:01

YANBU. They moved the goalposts first.

Original poster
Stinklebell · 12/02/2014 11:04

Takeflight - yes, she has a teeny part.

Both my DDs have done Rock Challenge, DD1 did the last 3 years at primary, and loved every minute of it. DD2 is doing it for the 2nd time in primary. It's fab, I went as a helper last year, absolutely knackering though

OP posts:
youmakemydreams · 12/02/2014 11:22

Yanbu. Basically what the school are saying is that you are not allowed to make any plans whatsoever out of school time in case they decide to add more rehearsals.
Because your appointment pre-dates the new Monday rehearsals I would definitely be fighting to keep her in.
Hope the teacher calls back soon.

Original poster
Stinklebell · 12/02/2014 13:16

Basically what the school are saying is that you are not allowed to make any plans whatsoever out of school time in case they decide to add more rehearsals

Yes, I agree.

And changing the appointment, given the surgery opening hours, still leaves the Monday night thing anyway

DD1 has netball club on a Friday, GR rehearsal Thursdays
DD2 is also doing GR with her primary and her rehearsal is Tuesday and she does football club on a Wednesday.

Which left Monday - hence booking the appointment for a Monday in the first place.

School have now added Monday so does DD1 miss netball, which has always been on a Friday? Or, given the distance involved means I'm going to have to take her with me as I won't be back in time to pick her up, does DD2 miss her GR rehearsal, or football club? DH can't just take an afternoon off either.

During school time? If a check up is so unimportant that it should be rearranged to accommodate a show rehearsal, then I don't think booking it during school time is appropriate either

She has never missed a rehearsal and from now on would have been attending all the remaining ones, including the 2 half term and 2 Saturday ones. School changed the goalposts and added the extra weekly rehearsal, which was not in the original agreement, and I provided a letter to excuse her, as stated in their letter.

Nothing back from the teacher yet

OP posts:
StabInTheDark · 12/02/2014 13:43

It really is brilliant- it's all I've heard from January until summer for the past seven years!! My eldest has gone to uni this year and is planning on coming home especially to watch her sisters because she misses it so much

Good luck speaking to the teacher!

IceBeing · 12/02/2014 13:56

yanbu

attheendoftheday · 13/02/2014 00:11

YANBU. You stuck to the rules! I would be kicking up a fuss.

CrohnicallyFarting · 13/02/2014 06:55

Macdoodle- has it ever occurred to you that some of us might not have £12 a month to spare (well, we'd need double that anyway for DH to attend too)? And then what if you actually need any treatment? I needed a filling last year and was so grateful that I still had my maternity exemption, because I didn't have the £40 odd NHS cost spare never mind private dentists fees.

WanderingAway · 13/02/2014 07:05

YANBU. I would focus on the fact that when you booked the appointment in september there were no monday rehearsals. Focus in the fact that they changed the rehearsals without warning.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 13/02/2014 07:19

YANBU. It's not that easy to just change a dental appointment, and you made it ages ago. You've done as you were asked here and played by the rules the school set out: phone them.

tillyann2013 · 13/02/2014 07:25

Yanbu, absolutely not! They moved the goalposts.

StanleyLambchop · 13/02/2014 08:05

To all of you saying that OP should have just changed the appointment- which dentists are you registered at? Ours is usually booked up 3 months in advance! If the OP's school is anything like ours then they do not encourage school-time appointments, so you are then even more limited to the times you can book. Also, if she had re-booked it would likely be on a Monday again, meaning missing more rehearsals. It being a routine check-up is irrelevant too, as at our dentists at least if you miss too many routine check ups they send out a letter threatening to strike off their list! I think the OP has been put in a very difficult situation by the school and their inconsistencies. YANBU, hope the teacher will back down!

NotNewButNameChanged · 13/02/2014 08:14

YADNBU. Kick up merry hell and don't back down.

cookiemonster5678 · 13/02/2014 08:14

Wow some people on here are bloody harsh!
Mondays were added at a later date so YANBU! A dentist appointment is important in my opinion, ok it can be altered if needs be but I would kick up a fuss to get my child back in!

Original poster
Stinklebell · 13/02/2014 08:45

To all of you saying that OP should have just changed the appointment- which dentists are you registered at? Ours is usually booked up 3 months in advance!

Yes, ours is really busy as well, we usually book 6 months or so in advance as given the distance we book 4 appointments together so we can all go at once instead of too-ing and fro-ing, and yes, changing it still left the Monday night dilemma.

There are some rumours going around that a new NHS dentist is opening in our next town so I will be getting us on the list as soon as it opens. An hour away is a pain, but it's usually only twice a year, so no big deal really

Teacher didn't call me back yesterday, have called again and sent an email this morning.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 13/02/2014 20:17

I hope you got them to give her part back.

AlpacaLypse · 15/02/2014 11:28

Any reply yet OP?

deakymom · 15/02/2014 22:41

they added more rehearsals you were fine with the original ones its unreasonable to add more and just assume its going to be okay for everyone

Original poster
Stinklebell · 17/02/2014 12:08

Yes, sorry I didn't update I lost my broadband over the weekend

Teacher finally phoned back. She said she had some 'reliable intelligence' that a group of girls we're planning to cut the rehearsal so they could go to another friends house after school. Obviously assumed my DD was part of that group and didn't believe my letter that we really were at the dentist. I ended up scanning and emailing her our appointment card when she said if DD came to see her after school she would 'consider' letting DD back in. DD went to the rehearsal, teacher didn't say anymore about it to her so I think she's back in.

OP posts:
RinseyMinceySpider · 17/02/2014 12:43

Who's the teacher, Columbo?

SarahAndFuck · 17/02/2014 12:45

Did the other girls cut the rehearsal then?

Have a group of girls been cut or are they all still attending?

RevoltInParadise · 17/02/2014 12:49

So the teacher believed gossip over a signed letter from a parent, and assumed your daughter had convinced you to write a fake letter excusing her so she could go to a friends house? Crazy!

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 17/02/2014 12:50

At my dentist there is a 3 month waiting list for appointment. There is no way i would be able to get a 4 people slot with 5 weeks notice so if i was in OP's shoes i wouldnt have changed the appointment either.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 17/02/2014 12:52

Oh sorry- see the update. I would just keep attending the rehearsal and turn up for all the shows tbh Grin

I hope the other girls were dropped if they cut rehersal!