To not discourage dd too much from telling her school friends about this?

[endlesstidying]

DD's had a problem with a boy bullying her at school hitting her, stealing her things etc.

Today I had to take her to the dentist as she had a terrible tooth pain. To cut a long story short her new tooth was coming through and the baby tooth wasn't coming out to make way for it so it had to go.

DD SCREAMED AND SCREAMED AND SCREAMED even after the local anaesthetic went in. It was awful. She was terrified but it had to be done so I held her hand and encouraged her and tired not to cry myself.

When we went back out to the waiting room bully boy was waiting and it was quite clear he'd heard DD's reaction because he was telling his mum he wouldn't go in and crying himself just at the thought of it. DD had to siti in the waiting room with cotton wool in her mouth and blood drooling down her chin. He was blatently terrified

Now DD has seen him for the coward he is, her tooth pain has gone and she has said several times that if he hits her or threatens her again she'll tell everyone he was a crybaby at the dentist before he'd even gone in! I have told her that that will make him just as bad as he is but not really discouraged her. AIBU?

the thing to do is this if he tells people she was screaming in the dentist (practice) saying (disdainfully) what was his excuse he was crying BEFORE he got in there.. use it as a comeback rather than an attack xx

Worra I agree with you. It's a silly idea and I'm not comfortable about the blackmailing aspect of it.

I am not sure the child is suggesting 'blackmailing' in that she does not want to threaten him she would tell others others unless XYZ stops. She said if he does XYZ again she will tell others.

Also, in my opinion threatening a person with words to stop them hitting you and stealing from you is not blackmailing. The abusive situation is set up by the other person.

Not blackmailing, self defence. Great link italian, no one would see that as acceptable, but or some reason, when its children, we're automatically supposed to help the bully. I've said it before on here and ill say it again, the victim here is the bullied child, it doesn't appear that she is taking out what's happening to her on others.

Yes, someone does need to look at why the bully is doing this, but that is not the op or the ops dd job, the school need to be doing this and in the mean time protecting the victim.

This is the kind of thing that works out just lovely in children's books, and not so much in real life. What will probably happen is that she'll say he was crying at the dentist, he'll deny it and tell everyone about her screaming, and she'll finish up on the receiving end of more bullying behaviour, possibly made worse by other children jumping on the bandwagon and laughing at her.

8 year-olds are probably not going to be that great at the subtle put-downs and the finer points of logical argument. They'll just side with the one who tells the best story, or who they're already trying to keep on side.

Deal with it through the proper channels - this approach is far more likely to end in upset for your daughter.

Bodygoingsouth...I like your style

So has anything happened endless?

No ,it is blackmail.

Not blackmail at all, more like self defence

My sister was bullied horribly at school and nothing was done. My dad rang the school and told them she would physically retaliate next and there was to be no comeback. One punch later and no more bullying. Mind this was twenty years ago but bullies are bullies.