To feel like crap because I just can't cut being a sahm

[ilovechips]

That's it really. DD 21months, I have been at home since mat leave. The idea was that after mat leave DH and I would split work between us so both working p/t and caring for DD. Was all in place etc...However his employer unexpectedly went bust just at the end of my mat leave. He was able to secure another job however not p/t so we decided I would stay home (he earns more than me, we couldn't manage on my salary alone).

I've just reached the end of my tether with being at home all day with a toddler. She's fabulous, sleeps well etc, but I just find it mind numbing playing toddler games or reading toddler books all day. We go out somewhere every day. I just desperately miss adult company and feel like a failure. I feel like I'm going mad sometimes with the tantrums and screaming and just toddler-ness! DH is very supportive but I definitely get the feeling he thinks I'm mad, he often says he would kill to be at home all day - this may well be true but unfortunately not a likely possibility due to salary difference.

I am in the process of looking for agency work which will fit around DH work, I went on a training course the other day and felt exhilarated getting in the car and leaving the house.

Anyway I guess all I am asking is, does anyone else know what I mean? I love her to bits, feel so guilty, but just crave some adult time sometimes!

Anniegoestotown - you sound very judgemental of women who choose not to SAH. Why do you presume that because you made it work for you that everyone else should do the same? And it's very insulting to suggest that women (I notice you don't mention men) who return to work had "set out to not enjoy their dc". It's also a bit of a sweeping generalisation to presume that working parents don't have a good relationship with their DC because they work, based on your two friends.

Assuming you have a DH/DP, and assuming he worked to support you at home, then do you think his relationship with your DC has suffered?

I don't find your contributions to this thread very constructive.

I would go insane if I couldn't work. YANBU at all. Go for it. I'll bet that you'll find you start enjoying the time you are at home a hell of a lot more.

Get a job and dont feel any guilt. Its a load of rubbish that annies spouting that if you work you wont have relationships with your children. I would go for it

Get a job and dont feel any guilt. Its a load of rubbish that annies spouting that if you work you wont have relationships with your children. I would go for it

No, you are not being unreasonable. All my life I thought that I would be a SAHM, I really wanted to, but when it has come down to it I had a year plus the accrued holiday and am back three days short days a week. I wobbled doing it but am pleased I did it, other adults, peace to drink a cup of something, brain being used at least a bit (not the most challenging job in the world). We split the cost of child care so that I don't lose all my salary to it and mentally there is still money in my account which is also a bonus.

I honestly think I might go nuts at home all day every day but as it is I love my home days with DD and make an effort to do fun stuff with friends and really play with her and I treasure my after nursery evenings when she babbles like crazy and shows off whatever it is she was doing that day, mostly wild clapping.... She gets other kids to play with and new games with new people (likely to be an only so very important as my idea of hell is toddler group....) and has come on leaps and bounds since starting, in between the colds!

Don't beat yourself up, particularly if you have been used to working all your life and having the degree of autonomy that goes with it both financially and mentally I think it can be very tough to be at home all day.

It is really hard and boring looking after a toddler all day. I completely understand you.
When my children were about 2 they started going to nursery for some hours three days a week and it was great (both for them and for me).
I am a SAHM but my children are 7 and 9, it is so much better when they are older, they are more interesting, fun, independent.

I do know what you mean. Although, I'd suggest not doing so much baby stuff - with my first I did all the playing and reading and it drove me a bit mad. With my second I'm much more confident doing things that I want to do and just taking the baby along. I quite like cleaning and organising the house, so I do that, then if I want to go for a coffee I do (babyccino, panettone, kid enjoys it too), meal plan, get the groceries in, browse online and do the online shop, plan weekend activities. I've added in some yoga routines and fitness challenges too (attempting yoga with a toddler may be hazardous to your health).

I feel a lot better at the end of the week when everything's running smoothly, washing's done, cleaning's sorted, than if I'd spent it sat reading Hungry Caterpillar.

Don't get me wrong, I do the baby stuff too! But there's nowt wrong with doing what YOU want to do. Also see if you can take time in the evenings and weekends for yourself. My husband takes over, and I attend local classes and workshops, at the weekend if there's a film or play I want to see I go. I hated the feeling of missing out on everything so I try to avoid that - if I see something I want to go to, we arrange how I can go rather than sulking that I can't just because there's a baby in the mix.

I do hear you on missing adult conversation, though, and the feeling of doing something constructive for your career. But then I remembered I never really felt like I was appreciated or significantly advancing my career when I was at work, anyway, so probably not missing much.

I'm a SAHM and I enjoy it. But I still find toddler games and activities boring!! Everyone does, surely? Don't feel bad about that!

I've been a SAHM for 15 years and I love it. Happiest time of my life was when my two eldest were tiny before the evils of school came along! I think to make it work you have to be able to enjoy your own company.

I love my own company, sonly. It's when the DDs join me that it all goes horribly wrong.

Yanbu. (And the people I know who remain sahm and enjoy it all get regular respite from family/paid childcare)

Annie I hear you!

Wow - 21 months - I lasted just over 3 months.
Was chomping at the bit to get back to work.
I needed adult interaction.
And bless my dad - he came round nearly every lunchtime to help me out for an hour or so. Well, I made him a sandwich, he would get DD off to sleep (and have a doze himself) and I could catch up on other stuff!
Went back full-time and never regretted it.
And.... DD and I have a great relationship - why on earth wouldn't we!?

LOL! What AnnieLobeseder said.

When my two were little I always said I'd love to be a SAHM, once they were both in full time school though. And I stand by that. I would love it if DH earned enough that I could be at home just with a hobby job but available for all the school stuff and the holidays.

When they're pre-school age I personally think that PT work is the best of both worlds.

Oh, and to answer your question. YABU, you shouldn't feel like crap just because you now know it's a job you're not cut out for, although you may find you're better suited to it once school is in the mix. :)

YADNBU. I don't have kids (other than older step kids) for this very reason despite friends putting pressure on. I know I'd be the one staying at home and until we move to somewhere where there are some remotely sociable people then there isn't a chance in hell I'd consider cutting out my businesses in favour of being stuck with a non speaking little person 24/7. I would definitely go stir crazy.