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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me I am not being unreasonable.

86 replies

PMDD · 09/02/2014 19:11

I told my dh on Wednesday that we were having 2 sets of friends round for Sunday lunch and I was making a full roast etc. These are mutual friends, in fact, 1 of the sets of friends are more 'his' than 'mine', although I like them too.

He was fine with this, although he can be a bit lazy socially and would be quite happy sat on the sofa all weekend on our own watching TV.

I was preparing the meal from 8am, cleaned the house from top to bottom - with no help at all from dh. I don't mind that, I tend to do all the cooking and cleaning etc.

We had finished our meal and cleaned up. The children were playing upstairs, the men were watching football and the women were drinking wine around the dining table (sound like 1950s?). Then at 4.30 another of dh friend's came round, dh had invited him for Sunday dinner and told him to come at 4.30.

Dh asked if I would russle up a roast dinner for his friend as he had said that he would have one. I said no. I said that I had been cooking and cleaning since 8am and I was not prepared to cook again (all leftovers were in the bin or freezer).

He has been in a massive piss all afternoon. He is looking for reasons to be in a piss... anything... he is grabbing at straws because he knows the reality is that I haven't done anything wrong. He is in a mood because he can't find a hot water bottle (my fault). He is in a mood because the children made a mess upstairs (my fault). He is in a mood because our children are now fighting (my fault).

I have just blown up and yelled at him that I have done nothing wrong to have to put up with his mood. I asked him to tell me exactly what I had done wrong for him to be in this bad mood. Apparently I shouldn't have invited people here on Sunday.

Bloody man.

OP posts:
VelmaD · 09/02/2014 20:18

Seriously, why are you with someone who treats you like this? Tell him to get some fucking respect, shift his arse a bit or leave. You're his wife, not his slave or possession.

Livingthedaydream · 09/02/2014 20:18

I am shocked at your husbands shitty attitude and I am SO GLAD you didn't iron his sodding shirt. Laughing at him huffing and puffing. He made it all worse for himself by his own actions.

Yeah...why couldn't he have cooked his friend a roast?

persimmon · 09/02/2014 20:21

Dh asked if I would rustle up a roast dinner for his friend as he had said that he would have one.

Rustle up a roast dinner??! WTAF?

I'm assuming he has MANY redeeming features?

pianodoodle · 09/02/2014 20:26

What a cock!

Obviously he thinks you can just pull a roast dinner out of your arse at a moments notice too.

I hope he isn't sleeping in the bed tonight Angry

Mia4 · 09/02/2014 20:37

Tell your DP that you don't want him in the house because 'your too angry at him', then enjoy the bed and house to yourself. He's being a wanker, I'd seriously think on whether he is worth keeping as a DP or if he should be an 'ex'.

K8Middleton · 09/02/2014 20:44

You don't mind doing all the cooking and cleaning? You do his ironing? He treats you like shit?

Erm, get some self respect woman! You are not there to look after him! He needs to start pulling his own weight or fuck off.

How on earth have you let yourself get in this situation?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/02/2014 20:48

I sincerely hope you won't be turned out of your bed by this tantrumming arsehole, OP.

cees · 09/02/2014 20:54

Stop being his babysitter/slave and maybe he will gain some respect for you. Why do you put up with him, he didn't raise a finger to help you and you let him sit on his arse and watch you run round cleaning and cooking, come on.

AdoraBell · 09/02/2014 20:59

YANBU

In future arrange to go out with friends on a Sunday and leave misery guts at home.

honestpointofview · 09/02/2014 21:15

The bed think would really irritate me. I never understood the premise that one person can say you have done something wrong so you can sleep on the sofa. I don't think it matters even if they have done something wrong. I am not sure how one party has the right to say that to the other party.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/02/2014 21:26

"DH said I can't sleep in our bed tonight as he is 'so angry at me'. "
Fuck. Right. Off. Angry

Where did this come from? Is it a one-off, or just a little bit more than usual?

I really don't see any way this could be other than manufactured anger. Dinner was at 1pm. He'd invited a friend for 4.30, didn't think during dinner 'shit, must phone x I gave him the wrong time'. So, he intended this 'second sitting', so that he could click his fingers and have you dance in front of the assembled audience. PMDD, my guess is that this is not an isolated incident.

Original poster
PMDD · 09/02/2014 21:30

He has now apologised and said that he was embarrassed for cocking up the timings with his friend and took it out on me (well there's a surprise). Because I said no and put him on the spot he was in the wrong but wanted to put it right. I said, why didn't you make him a sandwich or something? He said that he was tired and full from the roast dinner and just wanted to sit and watch the football. I said, well you can't think that it should be for me to run around when you aren't going to.

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 09/02/2014 21:32

Cheeky fucker. Jeez.

pictish · 09/02/2014 21:33

And what did he say to that??

Am Shock at him thinking you should jump to preparing a meal for his friend because he was tired and wanted to sit and watch the football.
And you are what? Chopped liver?

daisychain01 · 09/02/2014 21:38

Thanks + [medal] for putting up with him and not hurling a black binliner into the front garden with his clothes in [ including the teddy and dummy he threw out of his pram whoaaaaaa ]

He needs to grow up, and quickly!

ChasedByBees · 09/02/2014 21:44

That explanation does not make it sound any better. Why do you put up with this?

tiredlady · 09/02/2014 21:51

Good God woman! Your dh sounds like a twat. Do you really have to put up with this?

Anniegetyourgun · 09/02/2014 21:55

He was too full of the nice dinner he had eaten to bother to feed his friend, who he had invited to share said dinner. What a self-centred... person. (Ooh, I nearly swore.)

Pimpf · 09/02/2014 21:55

Tell him he's not sleeping in the bed tonight as your angry with him

What a twat!

K8Middleton · 09/02/2014 22:03

Flowers + [medal]

SeriouslY? SERIOUSLY? S.E.R.I.O.U.S.L.Y? S.E.R.I.O.U.S.L.Y?! The op deserves none of that! She is a MUG!

Grow a backbone woman! You do not have to be treated like this. It is wrong.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/02/2014 22:07

But he didn't just cock up the timings, did he?

  1. He didn't tell you he'd invited this friend for dinner.
  2. He took no part in preparing this dinner (cooking, cleaning)
  3. He didn't remember he'd invited him whilst eating said dinner.
  4. He didn't want to make his friend anything to eat; he preferred to watch football and leave his friend standing there.
  5. He tantrummed all afternoon when you said no.
  6. He thinks he can punish you for saying no (telling you that you can't sleep in your own bed).

Be honest PMDD - is this a one-off, or just a little bit more extreme than his usual? Because he didn't just cock up the timings.

CatAmongThePigeons · 09/02/2014 22:16

Fucksake. He is an arsehole, don't roll over and take this.

ENormaSnob · 09/02/2014 22:18

What a cock end

Mimishimi · 09/02/2014 22:31

So why did he not set some of the dinner aside for his friend? My guess is he completely forgot he invited him. He also could have taken it out of the freezer and defrosted/reheated it himself if he was that embarrassed.

Gruntfuttock · 09/02/2014 22:44

Why did he tell this friend to turn up at 4.30? Surely that's far too late for lunch and far too early for dinner. I don't get it. Confused