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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Please tell me I am not being unreasonable.

86 replies

PMDD · 09/02/2014 19:11

I told my dh on Wednesday that we were having 2 sets of friends round for Sunday lunch and I was making a full roast etc. These are mutual friends, in fact, 1 of the sets of friends are more 'his' than 'mine', although I like them too.

He was fine with this, although he can be a bit lazy socially and would be quite happy sat on the sofa all weekend on our own watching TV.

I was preparing the meal from 8am, cleaned the house from top to bottom - with no help at all from dh. I don't mind that, I tend to do all the cooking and cleaning etc.

We had finished our meal and cleaned up. The children were playing upstairs, the men were watching football and the women were drinking wine around the dining table (sound like 1950s?). Then at 4.30 another of dh friend's came round, dh had invited him for Sunday dinner and told him to come at 4.30.

Dh asked if I would russle up a roast dinner for his friend as he had said that he would have one. I said no. I said that I had been cooking and cleaning since 8am and I was not prepared to cook again (all leftovers were in the bin or freezer).

He has been in a massive piss all afternoon. He is looking for reasons to be in a piss... anything... he is grabbing at straws because he knows the reality is that I haven't done anything wrong. He is in a mood because he can't find a hot water bottle (my fault). He is in a mood because the children made a mess upstairs (my fault). He is in a mood because our children are now fighting (my fault).

I have just blown up and yelled at him that I have done nothing wrong to have to put up with his mood. I asked him to tell me exactly what I had done wrong for him to be in this bad mood. Apparently I shouldn't have invited people here on Sunday.

Bloody man.

OP posts:

pictish · 09/02/2014 19:41

Sounds like a bossy, entitled, lazy git to me!

MissBattleaxe · 09/02/2014 19:41

NeartheWindmill- she gave him four days notice and told him in advance.

It's not the same at all as the DH wasn't cooking or organising it and didn't tell her.

Floggingmolly · 09/02/2014 19:42

He's evicting you from your bed as punishment??? Is this a joke?

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 09/02/2014 19:42

Look, is this one off or is this indicative? I'm sending a cross roads in the thread.

NonnoMum · 09/02/2014 19:43

Erm - if he had invited the friend round for a 4.30pm meal, who did he expect would eat with him? Or were you all going to sit and watch him eat? And why didn't Dh remember that point of view when he was wolfing down his roast dinner with everyone else at 1pm?

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 09/02/2014 19:47

Why couldn't he have rustled up some dinner for his friend? I presume he knows where the kitchen is?

YABU for not LingTB right now. What a massive fuckweasel.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 09/02/2014 19:48

Are you supposed to be some sort of slave?

I would suggest that you go in to him with a smile and say you've thought of the perfect solution. As of now, you won't ever be cooking for him again. This should solve two problems. Firstly, he will have to learn to cook- which will mean that should he ever be so stupid as to invite one if HIS friends for dinner at the wrong time, HE will be able to sort out the problem HE created by cooking for them himself, and won't be forced to look a complete prick in front of said friend by tantrumming away trying to get his wife to do so, after she'd ALREADY spent all day doing ALL the work for a meal he'd already enjoyed. Secondly, doing his own cooking might give him an idea of how much work it is, how much his wife already does for him and might shame him into apologising for his puerile behaviour. He would then develop a few manners, which might stand him in good stead when - if as is looking increasingly likely - you walk out and leave him to spend his mid-life crisis hunting for a replacement domestic servant. Clue: they don't like lazy rude sexist pigs, the laydeez.

tallwivglasses · 09/02/2014 19:49

Does he do this sort of thing a lot, OP or has it got worse recently?

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 09/02/2014 19:49

Oh and tell him you don't fancy ironing his shirts anymore, either.

No reason, just can't be arsed.

ChrisMooseMickey · 09/02/2014 19:52

If I were you I would be lovingly folding a pair of his pajamas, and placing a duvet and pillow on the sofa and saying "night night dear I'm off to bed now!"

Ilovexmastime · 09/02/2014 19:53

What a dick! I'm not going to repeat what the posters above have said, but just ask you, does he always behave like this?

ElbowPrincess · 09/02/2014 19:53

Is he often like this OP? You don't seem as offended as someone who isn't used to this kind of behaviour and I'm worried this is usual for him :(

Misspixietrix · 09/02/2014 19:53

My Ex was a total arse and even he wouldn't have dared tell me I'm not sleeping in the bed! I hope you told him he can fuck right off with that one OP! .

CouthyMow · 09/02/2014 19:54

I would be telling him that it is as much your bed as his, and if he doesn't wish to share it with you, then the sofa is downstairs and he can make himself fucking comfortable on it, because you WILL be sleeping in your bed tonight!

Is he often like this?! Is tell him to fuck off, personally. If he wanted another roast cooked for his friend at 5pm, I would have pointed to the kitchen and told him the cooker was in there...

And good on you for telling him to iron his own fucking shirt after the way he's acted towards you today!

Coconutty · 09/02/2014 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kennyp · 09/02/2014 19:58

he sounds like jim royle and now twiggy's just turned up (metaphorically).

(i am no jim royle fan)

Anniegetyourgun · 09/02/2014 19:59

I think you should have russled something up

Why? She may have left out a salient detail such as her DH being quadriplegic, I suppose, but assuming he isn't, he can surely do his own rustling. She'd just prepared, served and tidied up after a full roast for 3 families.

Bowlersarm · 09/02/2014 20:01

He sounds like a toddler. Stupid behaviour.

Glad you are standing your ground OP.

Bowlersarm · 09/02/2014 20:02

Is it usual behaviour?

fedupfedup · 09/02/2014 20:03

Yanbu. Why are you with this man? You could do a lot better.

ChasedByBees · 09/02/2014 20:04

So you do all the cooking and cleaning for two sets of friends and he treats you like this? This is really not normal OP. not at all.

Littleen · 09/02/2014 20:04

He is being incredibly ridiculous! I think everyone's entitled to a few shitty days now and then, where they are moody for stupid reasons. But you shouldn't sleep elsewhere than in your bed (if he's got an issue, he can sleep somewhere else) and hopefully he'll be apologetic and normal tomorrow! If he wanted his friend fed he could've sorted it out himself. If this is pretty normal behaviour however, you need to consider how the two of you can change it so that you can have a good relationship. yanbu at all.

nkf · 09/02/2014 20:04

Oh, come on. Of course you mind doing all the cooking and cleaning and the fact that he is unsociable. That's what's going on here. Deal with that.

Ellie36 · 09/02/2014 20:06

It sounds like he is behaving like an utter numpty. You're not being unreasonable at all!

Near they weren't in public they were in their own home and frankly I don't see why she should put up with him behaving like a twat just because there are other people there?!

HermioneWeasley · 09/02/2014 20:11

Of course YANBU. But I wonder what's been going on in your relationship up till now that he thought thus would be ok, or is it totally out of character?

Bizarre

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