I am almost certain IANBU, but what do I do about it because there is no way he is going to change his mind?

[mameulah]

So as not to drip feed, the back story...

My dh works for himself. He has worked long, long hours almost every day for the last four (more than four) years. I have occupied myself at the weekends holding out for when we would get time together.

We now have a pfb ds who is 14 months old and I am pregnant. My dh's workload is HUGE and because of the nature of his work he can never tell me when he is going to come home and we NEVER have any plans for the weekend. Well, none that are made up more than one evening before and they, at the most, involve a couple of hours doing something together, something like supermarket shopping or swimming. Very occasionally a morning or afternoon together. Without going on our ds was 8 months old before we were all in a shop together.

My dh has now taken it upon himself to have organised, last month and this month,a whole day for his long forgotten hobby. He deserves it because he is so stressed and it helps him chill out. So he says.

Whilst I do see this I am beyond hurt that he can all of a sudden organise time off for his hobby and not for me and our ds.

I have tried to say my piece but basically get accused of, and in fairness I suppose it does look like, emotional blackmail.

Please. Any hints of what to say or do to make myself understood. Or what to do to make him choose us?

Or how to handle it?

I am half tempted to do something awesome when he is away for the day just to show him how much he is missing but I cannot be bothered with games. And think it is a slippery slope.

Please don't say 'keep busy' or 'find your own hobby' I have done really well being gainfully occupied during the last four years and am frankly sick of it.

Also, I am getting to be a sahm because he is working so hard, I am of course very grateful. But I do resent that it is never acknowledged that I have given up a successful career and it is all about his hardships

Please don't say LTB. I won't.

I just so want him to understand.

tia

Or do you reckon IABU?

I think you've answered your own question to an extent- you need to leave him to look after your DS single-handed more often (and, when the new baby comes, to cope with them both - don't let him whine at you that he can't manage two at once: you'll have to, after all).

Yes I agree. I love being with my ds so it is difficult to find a reason to not be there.

And, regarding other comments about getting support with a newborn and our toddler. My parents are brilliant, beyond brilliant. We have cleared out this weekend and are staying with them. They live an hours drive a way. If they weren't so brilliant I guess it would all come to a head sooner.

It's lovely that your parents will help - BUT - if they help out too much when your baby is born, then he will just opt out altogether.

He will need to be needed. And you must make sure he realises that it is him you want there as the father of the DCs. Not just anyone that can change a nappy, cuddle a baby and make cups of tea.