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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry about attendance charge from school

562 replies

HidingInTheBathroom · 07/02/2014 15:36

I am very upset at the minute. Received my fine today for taking my children out of school four days before they break up for Christmas.

Me and my husband have received a £60 fine for each child for each parent.

We are being charged more for being a couple. Which I think is wrong. The last week of school they only watch films and went to a pantomime. Oh and had a school disco. The holiday was far more educational than watching films and family time is hard to come by with work.

When I have requested a meeting with the head teacher I have just got a mouthful of abusive from the receptionist.

OP posts:
mellicauli · 07/02/2014 17:24

You broke the rules, you got sanctioned, now you are throwing your weight about , taking it out on everyone else and whining that it's unfair. Would you put up with that from your children?

I don't think that's how adults should solve problems: look at your own actions honestly, admit faults where reasonable, negotiate and compromise for a more favourable outcome, think about how you can get a different result next time.

phantomnamechanger · 07/02/2014 17:25

"mouth full of abuse" to me means either lots of personal insults or swearing. is this how the receptionist spoke to you? I have seen a school receptionist hang up when they were on the receiving end of foul language from someone who just would not listen at all to their very calm measured responses, and I am sure any head would fully back their receptionist in those circumstances. I have worked in 4 schools and never known a receptionist resort to being abusive on the phone, ever. I expect they were just trying to be equally forceful as you yourself were being, you are coming across on here as very indignant and self important so I imagine you were the same on the phone.

I also agree with others that it is really bad to lie about your DC being ill, and even worse to get them to lie to cover up for you. These are the DC who will become unreliable employees who don't turn in on time and take "sickies" whenever they feel like a day off.

you don't know what circumstances the non fined people are in. DD has someone in her class whose mother just died really unexpectedly. guess what - the school are fine with her taking as much time off as she needs. Likewise the forces families get holiday when DH is home and those who have to fly abroad for family funerals too.

I bet you are the sort of person who moans when they get a speeding fine or parking ticket - the sort who thinks rules are for everyone bar them.

you are guilty, take the punishment.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 07/02/2014 17:29

I don't like it either, I work in a school so it doesn't matter to me as I can't go away.

Isn't it about respect and children learning to understand that. Rules are there, we may not like particular ones but we abide by them.

If you break them, you pay the penalty.

SquidgyMummy · 07/02/2014 17:30

I left the UK 6 years ago, and now observing it from the outside, I am just agog how little by little the rights of British citizens are being eroded.

Well it's now the law; that's okay then. Hmm

I have just taken my (admittedly 3 year old) DS out of maternelle in France for a month to visit my Dad in Asia. I have tied it in as best as I could with his two week holiday end feb, to maintain some sort of routine.

his teachers were just completely shocked at the fines system in the uk.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/02/2014 17:33

These are the DC who will become unreliable employees who don't turn in on time and take "sickies" whenever they feel like a day off

Yes, and when they have difficulties in the workplace it'll then be anyone's fault except theirs Hmm

Sorry, but for me the parents who shout "tisn't fair!!!" and "shan't!!!" on these threads sound like children themselves

HouseOfGingerbread · 07/02/2014 17:33

I agree that there's a lack of clarity about the details of the fines - so tbh I'm relieved (from my point of view) that your fine was £60 per parent per child per holiday and not £60 per parent per child per day.

revealall · 07/02/2014 17:34

Misspixietrix FFS YOU DON'T!!!!

You do not get an automatic fine for an unauthorised absence.

If that was the case at least it would be fair, if still a shit rule.

I didn't, my friends haven't. Some like the Op have. Lots of families have never been fined for unauthorised absence (these aren't new) if they are problem families.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/02/2014 17:34

I happen to agree that this total inflexibility about authorised absence is bloody ridiculous and the fine is very galling

BUT

Thems the rules, no matter how annoying, and you'll have to swallow it

Misspixietrix · 07/02/2014 17:38

Chill with the FFSing Reveal it really isn't necessary. I meant for someone who Deliberately took their DCs out of School for a bloody holiday. You know. What this thread is all about. Sorry forgot to clearly state that in my last post. HTH.

Misspixietrix · 07/02/2014 17:39

Precisely Puzzled

OwlCapone · 07/02/2014 17:39

SquidgyMummy in the UK you can take a three year old on holiday whenever you like.

lljkk · 07/02/2014 17:40

My (American) dad is completely shocked too. I was talking about it so calmly that he was seriously questioning my sanity (until I said that it made my blood boil).

It's the complete loss of common sense that amazes me. And people saying "Oh well now that its the law it must be fair & reasonable" -- er, no, it's not fair (OP's example of uneven application) and it's not reasonable (all the threads where people have non-holiday reasons for absence, like participation in a wedding, funerals, government paperwork, parent has a medical appointment, changed flights, etc.)

The rules aren't clearly stated; I've only had one clear statement from one of DC 3 schools (all in same LEA) about the fine regime. I just applied for hols in term time, the replies were:

"Wow what a fantastic experience! (but sorry we can authorise it)"
"I'm minded to let them go, sounds very educational!"
"To get AA for exceptional circumstances you need to apply to the governors in this special way long bureaucratic procedure..."

Poor HTs. All over the place.

lljkk · 07/02/2014 17:41

*can't authorise it.... (note MNHQ, really need a within 60 seconds edit option)

TamerB · 07/02/2014 17:43

I think that 2 children, or more in the same family, going off sick in May, June and early July for exactly a week are going to be very suspect and someone will be detailed for more rigorous checking-like knocking on the door, speaking to the neighbours!

DrNick · 07/02/2014 17:44

the parents are always charged each

even if the person lives away ( ie divorced)

lljkk · 07/02/2014 17:44

So great, now the schools should spy on us?

Misspixietrix · 07/02/2014 17:44

Only no one has said it is fair and reasonable. Just that it is the law.

PiperRose · 07/02/2014 17:44

OwlCapone you are right, a child isn't required to attend school on a statutory basis until the beginning of the term after it's 5th birthday. So, for example, if your child was born in October and you took a holiday in the November after their 5th birthday you couldn't be fined.

BumpAndGrind · 07/02/2014 17:44

This attitude really wings me up. The whole reason kids only watch films and mess about in the last couple of days of term is precisely because selfish parents like you take the kids out of school making actual teaching pointless due to there being only half the class in.

tiggytape · 07/02/2014 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Honeysweet · 07/02/2014 17:45

First off I dont agree with the rules.

Second off however, you knew what you were doing so should have been expecting a fine. Which I presume you knew was coming, so no surprise there surely?

Third. And perhaps the bigger issue. Yes you do need a meeting with the Head to find out why the other family are not getting fined.
It may be that the meeting will be short as there may be a valid reason for this.
Or there may not be a good reason for it.
Good luck.

Honeysweet · 07/02/2014 17:47

Bump. With respect, this film watching, end of term stuff has been going on for decades. And a surprisingly few number of pupils are absent in the lead up to christmas.

Misspixietrix · 07/02/2014 17:47

The Schools don't need to spy really though do they? Coming back with a tan and an overexcited kid who isn't going to keep his/her mouth shut for very long will be a bit of a giveaway.

TamerB · 07/02/2014 17:48

So great, now the schools should spy on us?

Well of course they will if lots of children go off sick for a week in the summer term-especially when siblings are off together!

revealall · 07/02/2014 17:49

Misspixietrix FFS got your attention though This is so frustrating because some posters are being really thick.

An unauthorised absence can be holiday, children choosing to truant or even just arriving late after registration.

I meant for someone who Deliberately took their DCs out of School for a bloody holiday. You know. What this thread is all about.

The law makes NO distinction so neither can you actually. You either fine all UA or you don't because that's fair.