to be fed up to be asked to contribute yet again to a present for a person who wants to celebrate her birthday every year ?

[mypocketsarevide]

Every single year she makes a big deal out of her birthday...every single year I'm asked to contribute to a present..we are talking 20/25 pounds each...I don't want to do it anymore but I feel I'm going to be looked down on because of it..

I'm happy to contribute for an important birthday but every birthday ????

Would you be fed up too ? We are not children anymore !!

Maybe the gift organiser genuinely doesn't think £25 is that expensive. Better she gets one thing she will really love than lots of presents?

"I like giving, I just like to do it on my own terms and to chose the amount I'd like to spend. I'll giver her something meaningful but cheaper than usual as I'm on a really tight budget at the moment."

I still don't get the problem though.

You like giving, so give whatever you can and want in the way of a present. Unless someone is asking you to contribute to a joint present, then surely this is totally within your control.

If your friend's idea of where / how to celebrate her birthday is beyond your budget, well either politely decline or tell her so.

Surely they're two separate things - you choose to give a present (incl what / how much), and you choose to accept her invite to her celebrations (or not). Her inviting you to celebrate her birthday is not the same as you being forced to spend more than you'd like on her present.

This is a bit confusing
Who is asking you for the money ?

Sorry I mis-read the original post slightly .....

So, unless your friend is massively grabby in asking for a present in the first place, surely your beef should be within the present-organiser not your friend??

If it's the friend demanding a certain present, then you've a bigger problem than whether to spend twenty quid on her!

If she's treating good friends to a night out or a great party at home every year then I'd say it's a fair trade off, but if she expects you all to go out and spend money on your evening (which is really all about her) and expecting a present as well than that's OTT.

Just learn to say no. I barely celebrate my own birthday and unless it's a special one I rarely do more than a card for friends - sometimes not even that. I keep quiet about my own birthday as well - I refuse to add it on facebook because I don't want people to feel obliged to shower me with attention. My immediate family make a fuss on my BD and that's enough for me.

It sounds as if she isn't actually insisting that you (or anyone else) does this - she just arranges a party or night out without thinking about affordability, and your group of friends club together for a present with equally little thought. I'm guessing maybe for others, 20-25 and an expensive night out aren't that big a deal?

If they really are friends, then I think you should just say "Look, I'm skint. Just not realistic for me to do that" And nobody should mind or be funny about it.

If they are off about it, they aren't much good as friends, are they?

Ok, I'm presuming that you are being asked to contribute to a shared gift.

So just say "I think I'll just get something for her myself this year", then spend as little as you want to.

If this is the real issue then do what the pisters above have suggested. Buy something cheaper on your own.

If the issue is that you get annoyed because she is happy, confident and social then work on your issues.

And what 'TheDoctors' said in her post.

pisters?

Is that permission to crack open a bottle then?

Is this £20 - £25 each or in total?

I don't understand - why are you involved in a joint present - who's idea is that? The birthday girl's - surely not?

I have never bought a joint present for a friend. Work colleagues and my mum, but not friends - I just spend what I want to.

And if she wants to go to a fancy place for her birthday, she can - you can go for a couple, not go at all or think sod it and go all out. Entirely up to you.

I always used to do something for my birthday, drinks in the pub or whatever, right up to when I had DD at 38. Never expected presents from anyone though.

I like celebrating my birthday with friends. What's so odd about that?

Birthdays do tend to occur every year. If you don't want to contribute then, don't.

I am confused. Does she make you pay to go to her party?

I don't understand big fusses over adult Birthdays, but I think that's not necessarily a good trait of mine.

But YANBU to not want to spend that much for someone you don't want to spend that much on.

That's more than I spend on my step family (whom I'm fairly close too). I wouldn't do it.

Lol @ I See.
Maybe i was projecting.

You defenitely have my permission. Its Friday!!