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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up to be asked to contribute yet again to a present for a person who wants to celebrate her birthday every year ?

41 replies

mypocketsarevide · 07/02/2014 13:49

Every single year she makes a big deal out of her birthday...every single year I'm asked to contribute to a present..we are talking 20/25 pounds each...I don't want to do it anymore but I feel I'm going to be looked down on because of it..

I'm happy to contribute for an important birthday but every birthday ????

Would you be fed up too ? We are not children anymore !!

OP posts:
shoom · 07/02/2014 13:52

You've not given enough info. Who is "she"?
Your daughter?
Your mum?
Someone you dislike?

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 07/02/2014 13:52

Why does MN have an obsession with adults not being allowed to enjoy their birthdays?

I would object to spending £25 on a present, but not to someone wanting to celebrate their birthday Hmm

AMumInScotland · 07/02/2014 13:53

Just stop!

I can't think of any set of circumstances where you should feel you 'have to' pay out that much for a birthday present for another adult.

Somehow, I don't imagine she does anything similar for your birthday...

ThePearShapedToad · 07/02/2014 13:54

Well maybe this person likes her birthdays. I know I hate mine, but other people have great fun on theirs Smile And you don't have to be a child to have fun!

Without any extra info, sounds like you're a bit jealous op

Maybe suggest everyone has a big party for your special day, then you won't feel like you're missing out.

Original poster
mypocketsarevide · 07/02/2014 13:54

It's a friend I really like, if I was rich, I'll do it without batting an eyelid but I'm not...I feel under pressure to give something even if I don't go to her party.

OP posts:
Original poster
mypocketsarevide · 07/02/2014 13:56

She can celebrate her birthday, off course she can, but last time I went, it ended up costing me a fortune and I'm not a big drinker.

OP posts:
Original poster
mypocketsarevide · 07/02/2014 13:58

The pear, what extra info do you need Smile, I'm not jealous..I'm just fed up being asked to contribute yet again, it's not an important milestone.

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 07/02/2014 13:58

What does she do for your birthday?

shoom · 07/02/2014 13:59

Just suggest the two of you do something else instead. Then you're in charge of the budget.

No need to be so cryptic! It sounds like she wants to go out to dinner or do an activity. If you don't want to spend money on it then you don't have to.

YABU to think a good friend shouldn't celebrate her birthday.

Original poster
mypocketsarevide · 07/02/2014 14:01

Nothing special for my birthday because I don't want to...I hate being the center of attention (I'm too fugly)...I think what I mean is that I don't mind treating her, I just want to do it in my own terms..and not feeling forced to contribute to a general gift.

OP posts:
ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 07/02/2014 14:01

She can celebrate as much as she likes, that's up to her.

But you don't have to contribute if you don't want to or can't afford to.

Say no. It's your choice.

ThePearShapedToad · 07/02/2014 14:01

So make her a present / just get a card, either go to her party if you want to or don't....

Why don't you suggest if everyone else is insistent about chipping in for a present that the money goes towards drinks at the bar or dinner, then you all get to benefit and the birthday girl still gets a night out?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 07/02/2014 14:01

Who is asking you to contribute? And why did her party end up being expensive?

YABU I think. If you don't want to participate then don't.

TodayIsAGoodDay · 07/02/2014 14:01

I take it she doesn't buy you an equivalent present for your birthday? If that's the case then YANBU.

I realise that this will probably bring in a flood of comments along the lines of 'you shouldn't give a present just to get one back' etc etc. But what kind of person takes presents year after year without reciprocating?!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/02/2014 14:02

Just say you will sort out your own present....no need to put in £25 or whatever but if you don't actually say anything to the person sorting it then they won't know. You do it every year, they probably think you don't mind.

Just get her a card and a bunch of flowers, no need for a massive collection.

Original poster
mypocketsarevide · 07/02/2014 14:02

Really don't mean to be cryptic !! She can celebrate it but why does it have to be an expensive affair all the time ?

OP posts:
Hissy · 07/02/2014 14:02

Who is asking you to contribute to a present? why don't you just buy her something you want to give her?

RonaldMcDonald · 07/02/2014 14:03

YABU

You have free will simply decline the offer and purchase a card instead

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 07/02/2014 14:04

Because she wants it to be.

Again, say no if you don't want to contribute.

Calloh · 07/02/2014 14:04

Is there someone else asking you to contribute? I think you should just say to that person that you want to do your own thing this year.

Do you want to go to the night out?

Mim78 · 07/02/2014 14:05

You don't have to contribute the the general PRESE t. You don't have to go if don't want to. I imgains she is not the one asking for the contribution anyway.

Original poster
mypocketsarevide · 07/02/2014 14:06

I like giving, I just like to do it on my own terms and to chose the amount I'd like to spend. I'll giver her something meaningful but cheaper than usual as I'm on a really tight budget at the moment.

OP posts:
waterlego6064 · 07/02/2014 14:07

So just tell whoever is doing the collection that you're too skin to join in and are going to do your own thing.

waterlego6064 · 07/02/2014 14:08

Skint, not skin :)

travellingwilbury · 07/02/2014 14:13

Is it a collection for a present ? Because that I just would refuse .

Or is it she wants you to go out with her and it is going to cost you money ?

I always have friends round on my birthday , some bring a present , some flowers , some wine that they then drink Grin I honestly don't care who does what as long as I get to see them . For me it is just a good excuse for a party .

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