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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about (less-than-D)H's trip to Dublin?

87 replies

OAM2009 · 07/02/2014 13:08

We have a 10 month old baby who will not sleep anyway but has an ear infection at the moment. We also have a 3.5yo and a just turned 5 year old. I was 40 in December but stayed local due to our young family. DH told his dad he wanted to go see Wales play Ireland in Dublin in the rugby Six Nations so his dad booked flights, a hotel, got tickets and off they go!

He'll fly at 5.30am tomorrow and land back here at 5.30pm on Monday. AIBU to be unbelievably pissed off that he's done this?

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 07/02/2014 15:38

I couldn't agree less MishMash

Imagine if someone posted to say they'd booked a couple of days away with their mother, and their husband didn't want them to go because he couldn't "cope" with looking after his own children for two days.

You'd hear the cackles of laughter at him from here* to Aberdeen.

*nowhere near Aberdeen

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 07/02/2014 15:40

Book HIM into a spa with the kids and spend the weekend watching telly, eating crap and farting when you like.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/02/2014 15:43

spend the weekend watching telly, eating crap and farting when you like

Genius :D

ENormaSnob · 07/02/2014 15:43

Yabu and ott.

Mishmashfamily · 07/02/2014 15:45

betty that sounds fine and dandy but your assuming that op has as much freedom as dh. Just like your lovely smug relationship.

I may have been a tad 'ahem' enthusiastic about sticking up for op because I've actually had a similar convo with a friend this morning.

She couldn't come away with us as her 'd'p and herself had discussed it and money was apparently too tight, he would struggle with child care. They have two toddlers. Maybe next year with a little pat on head.

Yesterday he booked himself on a three day stag do to shag a muff. With out even discussing it with her. Funny how he found the money for that.

Before posters jumped in berating and telling of there wonderful free relationships more thought should have gone in to asking 'how much free time do you get'

Mostly women are the primary care givers and don't get much time out but on MN your suppose to STFU and think about the quality time your fella can have ? Hmm

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/02/2014 15:47

Erm, you know nothing about my relationship thanks and believe me sometimes it is far from lovely!

I was just saying you are making it sound like OP is not allowed to go away and nowhere has she said that!

Mishmashfamily · 07/02/2014 15:48

saucy this maybe a shock but some idiot people do actually behave like that.

It doesn't matter if it was mum, dad, father Xmas or big daddy by the way.

Mishmashfamily · 07/02/2014 15:49

She said she stayed local because of the kids.

ENormaSnob · 07/02/2014 15:50

More fool your mate for stayin with the selfish prick then

DanceParty · 07/02/2014 15:50

You stayed locally 'because of the kids'. HE didn't. Meh.

squoosh · 07/02/2014 15:50

'Mostly women are the primary care givers and don't get much time out but on MN your suppose to STFU and think about the quality time your fella can have?'

Bullshit.

If the OP had said her husband was really against her going away but expected to go off on jolly jaunts by himself people would be overwhelming in their indignation.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/02/2014 15:50

But how do you know that she wasn't the one that wanted to stay local...maybe her DH was all for her going away?

Mishmashfamily · 07/02/2014 15:51

enorna I said as much myself .

FootieOnTheTelly · 07/02/2014 15:53

It wouldn't have bothered me but we would have discussed it and my DH wouldn't mind if I went away. I would be happy that he is having fun with his Dad but only if he was grateful. A weekend with the kids alone is no biggie.
If he is generally a selfish arse then that's another matter.

ENormaSnob · 07/02/2014 15:55

Oooh actually I stayed local for my 30th. My choice.

Dh went fishing in france for a week for his. His choice. I paid for it for his birthday gift.

I cant see the big deal at all. Unless her dh said she had to stay local. In which case, this is the least of her problems.

Mishmashfamily · 07/02/2014 15:59

I stayed local for my 30th - too much alcohol and tears for my lost youth !Grin

I did however pay for dp to got holland to a friggin bird festival (feathered verity) on a coach trip for his Xmas present. How dull can you get!

Mishmashfamily · 07/02/2014 16:02

Variety !

Thetallesttower · 07/02/2014 16:05

I wouldn't mind this so much as I know my husband will do the same for me and has, when I've gone away for work or for a weekend (or even longer) with friends.

However, I've lost count of the amount of female friends who never go away when their children are little/primary age/indeed any age because their husbands have convinced them they couldn't cope on their own with their children, especially if they have more than one. It does often seem to mean women staying at home all the time for ever and men off on the odd holiday/stag do/weekend away.

Original poster
OAM2009 · 07/02/2014 16:15

Thank you everyone for your comments. I am taking on board that maybe I need to dial it down a bit. To answer a few points that have been raised:

  1. We did discuss going away for our 40ths as we were both 40 six weeks apart. We talked about going to Paris together but the baby still has never slept through and I was very uncomfortable leaving him.
  1. When DS3 was born, the plan was that said parents-in-law would come up as childcare for the bigger two. (My mum dead 20 years and Dad in Qatar.) When I went into labour overnight, they refused to drive up. I went to the hospital by myself in a taxi and was there alone until DH joined me 4 hours later. My FIL is my least favourite person in the world.
  1. MIL had a stroke 10 years ago and has limited mobility and no use of her right arm.
  1. DH asked FIL "jokingly" about Dublin trip when alone with him. FIL was on holiday in Tenerife and emailed us details of flight to ask if it was ok. We emailed back no, those flight details were inconvenient. His next email was the details of the flight he had booked, coming back on Monday evening so DH has to take a day off work. DH refuses to challenge him on it on the grounds it will "destroy their relationship".
  1. I went for a Champage Breakfast on a Saturday morning with the girls for my 40th Birthday celebrations. We also had a night out in the local pub BUT my DH asked me to come home at 9 o clock as baby was screaming and he couldn't settle him. When I left, 15 people were out for drinks with me. When I got back to the pub at 10pm, there were 2 people left.
  1. My disabled MIL will be staying with me over the weekend to "help".

I hope this explains (at length Wink why I am unbelievably pissed off that my selfish pig of a FIL and my selfish pig of a DH have literally left me holding the baby, when DH ruined my celebrations.

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/02/2014 16:20

That puts a different spin on it OP - so you will be looking after the kids and MIL!

Regarding your b/day when DH asked you to come home really you should have just said no, you were out and he will have to deal with it.

I don't know what the answer is though - sounds like your FIL put your DH on the spot/in the shit and he doesn't have the balls to sort it.

No wonder you are pissed!

squoosh · 07/02/2014 16:24

Yep, totally different spin.

On balance YANBU.

KiwiBanana · 07/02/2014 16:29

Well I don't think there's much you can do about it now unfortunately. I would however, be making sure DH knows in no uncertain terms that something like this must NEVER happen again. Trips away are fine if they are discussed and everyone is happy with the arrangements, this is obviously not one of those times.

Would it be possible to cancel your MIL coming at least? Get DH to do it obvs.

Then get planning a night out with your friends soon, sounds like you could do with a bit of letting your hair down time. Just don't come back because the baby is crying this time!

Joysmum · 07/02/2014 16:29

Why couldn't you have put those rather important details in your OP? Far more relevant than ill children. Complete waste of time posting on your opening post Hmm

glasgowsteven · 07/02/2014 16:35

He should have refused straight off,

Sorry I cant get that day off work.

Really sorry, but I did say they were not suitable.

But its happening now so suck it up, and tell you husband this never happens again

SlimJiminy · 07/02/2014 16:39

FGS, don't let MIL come to stay if she will be more of a hinderance than a help. And I don't mean due to her disability. They just sometimes are.

I'd be pissed off too - about your birthday and now his.

Hmm... fwiw, here's what I think I'd do: weekend away without him/kids. A pub/B&B somewhere fairly remote with a log fire and wine. And a mate and/or decent book for company. A belated birthday treat that won't be cut short this time...?