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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about (less-than-D)H's trip to Dublin?

87 replies

OAM2009 · 07/02/2014 13:08

We have a 10 month old baby who will not sleep anyway but has an ear infection at the moment. We also have a 3.5yo and a just turned 5 year old. I was 40 in December but stayed local due to our young family. DH told his dad he wanted to go see Wales play Ireland in Dublin in the rugby Six Nations so his dad booked flights, a hotel, got tickets and off they go!

He'll fly at 5.30am tomorrow and land back here at 5.30pm on Monday. AIBU to be unbelievably pissed off that he's done this?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 07/02/2014 14:41

I am unbelievably jealous. I'd love to go.

He's having a few days away with his Dad. What is so wrong with that?

CwtchesAndCuddles · 07/02/2014 14:44

Very few Welsh rugby loving men would turn down the offer. I bet his dad thought he was doing lovely by arranging this trip with his son. Wave him off with a smile and let him know he owes you big time.

Pigeonhouse · 07/02/2014 14:45

YANBU, if it wasn't discussed and you were given no notice (unless I'm misunderstanding your OP? )

Sport is just another pastime, like train spotting, tiddlywinks and squeezing your spots. It doesn't get you some kind of automatic excuse note from the responsibilities of a young family.

PatriciaHolm · 07/02/2014 14:51

Did you actually have a conversation about it and he's gone despite knowing you are very unhappy/can't cope, or have you sat and seethed and fretted about it internally until it's become this frothing mass of resentment that your husband knows nothing about? If, as it is it many of these cases it's that latter then really YABU.

If the former, then you are being less unreasonable.

squoosh · 07/02/2014 14:53

I think YABU

(unless he's planning to attend all the 6 Nations' matches)

BlackeyedSusan · 07/02/2014 14:55

did anyone ask you about having the children solo for the weekend or was it assumed you would be availble whatever? perrhaps your h has got his attitude from his dd. it is his dad who should have asked before booking if it was a surprise.

Quoteunquote · 07/02/2014 14:58

Honestly, once you are passed two children , it's rare for there to be a point when one of them is not ill.

He is spending some quality time with his dad.

Just make sure you priorities your quality time for yourself also.

It is out of order not to have consulted before accepting, just make sure that you are both clear in the future that discussions must happen before cementing arrangements.

Belchica · 07/02/2014 15:04

YABU to begrudge FIL and DH this time together.

It's good for everyone to have time off, so make sure you get your dues when he's back.

glasgowsteven · 07/02/2014 15:05

take turns, weekend away for you - same budget, Dublin is expensive

whois · 07/02/2014 15:08

I do think it's pretty poor form to complain about having all your own children on your own for a weekend. I'm def of the mindset you don't have more children as a couple than oeach of you can independently manage!

SaucyJack · 07/02/2014 15:08

YABU. Never have more kids than you can happily look after on your tod is my motto.

mynewpassion · 07/02/2014 15:08

The budget might be minimal if fil is footing the cost of trip and hotel and likely at least one meal

WorraLiberty · 07/02/2014 15:11

Straight on the net, spa weekend asap.

Please tell me that's a joke? Grin

GlitzAndGiggles · 07/02/2014 15:16

If he were going away for a couple of weeks I'd understand your frustration but a weekend with his dad is something nice. Parents are allowed breaks

Mishmashfamily · 07/02/2014 15:22

Blah blah quality time with dad.... Out come the liberal 'you must let your fella be freeeeee' brigade. Ooooooh your sooooo trendy.

Tbh I would be pissed off, pissed off that the dc father hadn't bothered to discuss the fact he was pissing off for a few days and not discussing child care arrangements.

It also matters how much free time op gets out of the home before posters pile in to tell her what a cunt she is. says a lot about you Hmm ODFOD

I wonder if it would be a different story if op rocked up with a suitcase and declared she was off for some dinner sun and a cosmopolitan with out discussing it with Dh? Yeah I'm sure he would be fine.

So op YANBU . But what can you do? I'd be on the net looking at spa breaks.... Groupon do some good deals.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 07/02/2014 15:24

YANBU! Do as Cailin said go on and book yourself a spa or shopping weekend ,by yourself if necessary, because you are worth it! Can't believe that some other posters think that it is reasonable for you D?H to do this, they must have relatives or neighbours nearby to help out and don't realise that many people don't.

Mishmashfamily · 07/02/2014 15:25

winter sun!

squoosh · 07/02/2014 15:27

Goodness Mishmash you certainly sound like you need a nice relaxing weekend away.

Oriunda · 07/02/2014 15:28

Sorry but YABU. It's only 2 days? Sounds like a lovely trip that his father thoughtfully put together for his son's 40th. DH travels (admittedly for work) often and doesn't discuss the dates with me beforehand, usually just slips into conversation that oh btw I'm away next week. I can cope fine and enjoy having total control of the remote in the evening!

Primadonnagirl · 07/02/2014 15:29

Mishmash...slight overreaction mm ? Nobody's having a go at OP..just the usual some people agreeing and some people not which is always the case in AIBU.OP ..I think YABU because it's a special one off treat and it's nobody's fault that the timing is inconvenient.but I'm not calling you names!!!

anothernumberone · 07/02/2014 15:29

On your behalf OP I hope the lose just to spoil the trip for your DH says the Irish woman

Mishmashfamily · 07/02/2014 15:31

squoosh I've recently had one! It was lovely. Portugal. With girl friends.

Sounds like op needs one too! unfortunately it's only her dh that gets one.

Oriunda · 07/02/2014 15:35

Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think of looking after my son as child care, and that I need to discuss arrangements with my DH about who looks after him. Child care is something that nursery provides, not parents.

I'm not trendy or liberal, in fact I'm probably very old fashioned. I didn't see that anyone called the OP a c*nt either (sorry but I am so old fashioned that I refuse to use that word).

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/02/2014 15:36

That's quite an assumption though Mish - how do we know that OP's DH is the only one who can have a weekend away.

I have a weekend away every year with one of my friends - I love it....it's non negotiable. I give DH lots of notice (4 months in this case) and if he wants to do the same I am more than happy.

We all need time away and no one should tell us we can't have it :)

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 07/02/2014 15:37

squoosh I am with Mishmash all the way. I would be utterly pissed off with my DH if he did this too. I would also be less than happy with my FIL as he obviously arranged the trip without discussing it with the OP.