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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed parents arent allowed to use their phones at playgroup?

164 replies

itispersonal · 06/02/2014 12:49

I am a bit of a phone addict I'll admit but . ..

I was at my local sure start centre for a singing session with my dd (so don't use phone during this session) but noticed on the wall they had recently put up a sign to say mobile phones were not to be used by parents due to "e- safety".

I use to go to longer play sessions at the sure start and I would check my phone as it would be when Dp would be on their break/ lunch sort out arrangements for the rest of the day with friends/family etc.

Aibu to be annoyed at this? Surely I am an adult, me talking on a phone or using a phone isn't a paedophile risk! Though not entirely sure what a e-safety risk is. Think sure start struggle to get people through the door so putting this in place would make me think I'll go elsewhere where can have a seat to sit on, a drink etc.

I do try and support the sure start centre as think they provide a good service to children and parents, as well as other paid activities I go to with my dd.

And yes I do interact with baby as well and talk to other mums there. I suppose I just don't like being told what to do!

OP posts:
AwfulMaureen · 06/02/2014 13:06

Piglet the world "going crazy* has fortunately brought many at risk children into safe situations...and avoided the situations where children were allowed to be left with any old pervert as we were in the 70s and 80s.

People like you who moan about this annoy me so much. You'd soon be kicking off if your local Scout leader was found to be a peadophile....

Lottapianos · 06/02/2014 13:07

'I am sorry but just having a child does not instantly make people safe'

Well said.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 06/02/2014 13:08

It'll be for a few reasons - photos (not necessarily by paedophiles etc but sometimes perople will take pics of their kids playing with others and post them on FB or wherever. What about Looked After children / those whose Mums have taken them to a different city to escape a DV relationship etc?) remember - FB has us linked to lots of others, you may be a friend of a friend of the father...

2 = some parents will take their kids along to a group and then ignore them to play on their phones if they're allowed... therefore centres need a blanket ban to save staff having to ask people to put phones away to look after children.

we have signs up for parents evenings now as we had some parents checking their phones during consultations!

YouTheCat · 06/02/2014 13:08

So someone who has fled DV and wants to interact and make new friends in a new place should just stay at home in case some selfish person posts a picture of their child on the internet? I don't think so.

It isn't hysterical at all. I know someone who's ex found her via a picture her child's school had put up, even though she had told them not to take any photos of her child. It can happen.

I think some people need surgically removing from their phones.

ArtexMonkey · 06/02/2014 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pigletin · 06/02/2014 13:11

AwfulMaureen I don't moan...I expressed my opinion since that's the purpose of this forum. Surely that's allowed on mumsnet?

You'd soon be kicking off if your local Scout leader was found to be a peadophile.... what does that have to do it not being able to use a phone at play group?

perfectstorm · 06/02/2014 13:13

There were a couple of women at the Surestart group I used to go to who had very good reasons not to want their exes to find them. I can imagine this would have reassured them, tbh. It's only a couple of hours.

AWimbaWay · 06/02/2014 13:15

It's mainly because the focus of most children's centres is to help and support those children and families who need it most. In my area we have a women's refuge, for obvious reasons they don't want photos identifying where they and their children are taken. It is the children's centre's responsibility to ensure this doesn't happen at one of their groups.

SuburbanRhonda · 06/02/2014 13:17

pigletin, let's hope this never happens to you, but if you were fleeing DA and trying to start a new life somewhere, would you be happy for someone you didn't know taking a photo with your child in the background and posting it on the internet?

Would you prefer some rules to prevent that happening or would you consider it your responsibility to keep yourself and your family at home?

Just interested - boot on the other foot and so on.

CheeseStrawWars · 06/02/2014 13:19

I don't think you're necessarily supposed to go to the group for the whole two hours. I thought the idea was that with a two-hour window more parents are likely to be able to pop in at some point, fitting it around naps/feeds etc. If you want to go to the whole two-hour session, great, but the idea isn't you rock up on the dot and leave at the end. Leave when your bum gets sore if you don't like sitting on the floor for that long!

I think YAB a bit U regarding the phones.

shouldnthavesaid · 06/02/2014 13:19

Probably because of the target group for sure start centres? As in they will be targeting those who are probably more likely to have child protection issues or are needing some level of protection themselves.

Prior to my cousin's adoption (she is my cousin through adoption, I mean) she attended sure start centres on a daily basis as an arrangement via social work. That way they ensured her safety when it was not possible to take her into residential care. Having camera phones there that her parents could have photographed her or contacted anyone and let them know where they were (e.g. if they wanted to do a runner, I guess) with would probably have complicated issues hugely.

FWIW when I was a child I was heavily involved with pre sure start era childcare, which they said was 'for everyone' but was heavily targeted towards struggling families. At that time - 1993 - they had bars on the windows and heavy security due to the nature of reasons for involvement. Think having a no mobiles system is a vast improvement on that - secure enough but not so secure that it feels unwelcoming and prison like.

Patchouli · 06/02/2014 13:21

I used to go to a toddler group where it was just a free-for-all school of hard knocks for the kids. Most of them unsupervised while their mums sat around the edge of the room on their phones. (I did wonder if any of them were mumsnetting).
I've stopped going to that one, it was horrible.
I'd like to bring DD to your one where the phones are banned.

Viviennemary · 06/02/2014 13:22

I think that is a good rule. I am sick and tired of seeing mobile phones everywhere. How did people manage before mobile phones . They seem as essential as oxygen these days. Somebody told me they went out for a meal with a group and one person spent the whole meal texting. So rude.

shouldnthavesaid · 06/02/2014 13:26

I think all of the groups I was involved in were very similar, in that they had rules that seemed odd or overly cautious but were necessary to protect those it was designed to target. Attended a summer scheme once that was 'invite only' for children who had an ongoing involvement with social services - they had a complete ban on all photography and details of the scheme were meant to be kept confidential.

Social networking and the availability of Facebook and 'checking in' probably complicates things even further as well.

Tweasels · 06/02/2014 13:26

I think the fact that it annoys you says quite a lot about your personality.

Also, the reason there aren't chairs and drinks is because you are expected to interact and play with your baby at the session. It's a Children's Centre, not fucking Wetherspoons.

breatheslowly · 06/02/2014 13:27

Can't you just check your phone when you nip to the loo? So well away from other people's children?

MiaowTheCat · 06/02/2014 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigsinmud · 06/02/2014 13:30

What if your phone rings?Are you allowed to answer it?

undecidedanduncertain · 06/02/2014 13:31

It's a Children's Centre, not fucking Wetherspoons.

Great post!

Edenviolet · 06/02/2014 13:32

At dds pre school you can't even accept a call or text on a non camera phone due to their rules and the group ds2 attends has a no phone rule.

I ignore it. I need to have my phone on in case dcs school need to phone or if dd2 is unwell at pre school when I'm at toddler group with ds2.
If anyone ever challenges me about it I explain why I can't turn it off and why I keep checking it.

GiveTwoSheets · 06/02/2014 13:33

Yes YABU

I think its so unsociable for people to be on phones isn't that what usual mother/toddler groups are for, phones out ignoring unruly kids.

Ours brought out rule awhile ago its to do with photos being taken, you can ask staff to take pictures of your little darlings and they will email you them.

I have nothing against having phone on to take emergency calls but the need to update and check likes of Facebook in what is such a short session gets on my tits.

Artfuldodger86 · 06/02/2014 13:36

I used to attend sure Stay and Play with the DC's about 4/5 yrs ago.
Am glad they're banning mobile phones. Plenty of parents spent the whole time glued to them whilst their kids ran amok.

It's only for a couple of hours max!
Focus on real life in front of you and leave the phone in your bag turned off.

JohnCusacksWife · 06/02/2014 13:41

Ours brought out rule awhile ago its to do with photos being taken, you can ask staff to take pictures of your little darlings and they will email you them.

And this protects children how, exactly??

Scaredycat3000 · 06/02/2014 13:45

YANBU
My children's centre has no phones/photos signs up all over the place. This week my DS hit a wonderful development mile stone and was playing lovely beside another child, it was so nice one of the staff went and got the camera to take a photo of my child playing, yet I wasn't allowed to. No one has ever asked me if we have any protection issues and there are pictures of children who attend the centre all over the walls. He also hates his photo being taken and the week before when a random member of staff stuck a camera in his face he screamed so loud she nearly dropped the camera Grin My 4yr old is in reception at the school next door, if the school rang in an emergency and it being the 21st century I would like to know asap not hours later.
We recently moved, our old playgroup, not government run, allowed anything phones. The child-minders were always taking photos for their Ofstead records, nobody ever complained. It was really handy to have my phone on, once the postman phoned me as he had a parcel for us and I could pop home, next door and save us both a lot of bother.
I am a grown adult and find these blanket policies aimed at the mostly stupid insulting. Rule number one, no taking photos of other children, rule number two, pay attention to your child.

undecidedanduncertain · 06/02/2014 13:45

JohnCusack - presumably because the staff know to be careful to ensure that the photo contains ONLY that child, and not any others - even partially in the picture or blurred in the background etc.