To feel like my car is 2nd best?

[GhostsInSnow]

Apologies, this might be long.

I drive a 14 year old clio, it's relatively low mileage and so far has been reasonably problem free, however, it's getting on now and little niggles have appeared most notably the central locking has stopped working, it goes through phases of refusing to start and it's developed a judder. Now I know the basics of car mechanics but my experience is mostly with classics, I'm a bit lost with more modern cars so narrowing down the problems is now beyond me.

In the time I've owned the Clio DH has owned about 4 new cars. Now thats fair enough, I don't do many miles and don't need to replace the Clio (couldn't afford to anyway) but I'm starting to get annoyed. He bought another car in November and while he was waiting for it to be finalised he'd borrowed mine for his motorway commute. When he handed it back it was with a chipped windscreen, empty of petrol and filthy, he's promised to get it washed and still hasn't done it.

Every weekend since he's played with his car. He's fitted a huge double din stereo, reversing cameras, permanent recording cameras in the front, his private plate has gone on it, every sunday it gets taken to the hand carwash etc. In the meantime mine is sat in the garage, still filthy and still having problems.

I'm afraid the straw that broke the camels back just came when he called at lunch telling me how some bloke on his car forum has offered him something else he doesn't need for £100 and what do I think. I got a bit annoyed and told him that he wasn't being at all fair and I needed my car sorted please and no more money was to be thrown at his. His excuses ranged from 'I know nothing about central locking on a clio' (he knew nothing about his car either but happily sits hours researching it when it's got issues) to 'you don't remind me at the weekend' (yet some weekends he'll shift mine onto the road to play about with his!)

Frankly I'm utterly fed up, I'm driving a filthy, juddering shed. To lock the car I have to press the door lock button within the car then manually lock the doors so if I need anything out of the boot I then have to get back in the car, press the button then lock the drivers door from the outside. It's a pain in the arse.
I've set an alarm on my phone for 11am on Saturday morning to remind me to tell him to fix my car.
I'm not BU here am I?

If he can afford money for new cars, speakers and whatnot, surely you can afford a trip to the garage to fix the central locking?

He shouldn't be spending money on his car for cosmetic reasons when your car has a functional problem that needs to be fixed first. Sure, the petrol thing would be nice, but I think leaving it for three months isn't really going to achieve anything apart from causing you problems!

Max thats about what I narrowed it down to, when it fails to start it resets the clock as if it's lost communication with the battery. I checked the battery, charged it and thats fine. When it does have the fit on it leaving it for half an hour then trying to start it again mostly works. Of course this doesn't help when DD is late for school...

I do think the central locking and starting issues are related and I agree, I think its the immobiliser, I've gone as far as I can now on it though and need help.

On balance no, the petrol thing wasn't a big deal, it was more an illustration of how he see's my car (something to get him from A to B) in comparison to his (needs every level of comfort, all bells and whistles). It would have just been nice to go to the car the next day and not to have to detour to the petrol station, as I say courtesy and I wouldn't have handed his back empty even though it does come from the same account.

We'll see what Saturday brings but if he starts tinkering with his I swear i'll strangle him

you need to start spending money on your car
the family resources seem to stretch to 4 new cars and modifications so stop being passive and start looking for a new car or take the existing one to a garage

tbh i do sympathise. dh trashes 'my' car and it drives me mad, but if you show him via spending that it is valuable to you he might take more care of it

If he's spending all this on his cars whilst you can't afford to get your car running then you are definitely nbu to feel aggrieved. Particularly if you have mobility issues.

Would he be more engaged with looking at getting you a new car than fixing the old one?

Or can you start a weekly swap of cars so he has to share the pain?

And lastly. A TR7!? You must have the last one in the world that isn't a pile of rust! Well done :) Put a pic on your profile? I have a huge soft spot for them but was warned never to buy one by my first year junior school teacher.

But what happens if you just start driving his car OP, and tell him to take yours?

In the time I've owned the Clio DH has owned about 4 new cars. Now thats fair enough, I don't do many miles and don't need to replace the Clio (couldn't afford to anyway)

how can he afford 4 new cars and you cant afford one,

you are married surely, so its family money :(

also, why does he need 4.... and why new

I could take his car but he commutes 130 miles a day so it would cause a riot... One way to solve it I suppose

haunted thats my problem in a nutshell, I don't want a fancy stereo, £25 phone holders, reversing cameras, £130 stereo surrounds etc. I just want to know that my car will start in a morning and get our DD to school and the more he keeps buying for his the more aggrieved I feel. It just feels like 'one more thing' every single week. He wasn't this bad at 21 with his bloody Nova!

As for the 7, I shall cry when he goes, a 1982, completely original without a patch of rust. He's utterly perfect and so much fun to drive. The few chances I got to drive it last year left me in agony. I have EDS Hypermobility and a worsening scoliosis so I found once I'd driven a few miles I was in a lot of pain. I take diazepam and codeine but it's not safe to drive on them so I either drove the 7 and put up with the pain or he has to go. My head overruled my heart this time but yes, there will be tears.

agree, take over his car, thank him for doing it up....tell him to replace the clio...

2 new cars

job done

Glasgow as I said mine was so low mileage, and I do so little miles it was never worth replacing. I'd love a mini clubman but what we could contribute and what I'd get for the clio would mean yes, I'd get a car a few years newer but with three times the miles on the clock. Seemed better just to keep the Clio going for the time being.

Of the 4 he's had 3 haven't been brand new, couple of years at most though. We had to replace one because it was so uneconomical for a big commute, then as I said one failed spectacularly (gearbox) and the one after didn't fair much better with DPF issues and the garage grudgingly took it back after 4 months, leaving the car he has now.

I might have a midlife crisis and buy a Harley on HP

Sounds brilliant. If you live in the SE I could come and take you out for a spin in it :)

I cried proper fat tears when I sold my beloved old car. Not a classic but quite unusual. The only thing that made it bearable was selling it to some bloke who loved them as much as I did. He'd driven half way across the country to buy it.

If he does 130 miles a day, and you do 2 miles a day, I can see why he gets the better car!

In the TR7. Not the HD! I never got round to doing my test in the days before cbt.

I know a lot about Clios of that age. The juddering and problems with electrics are ALL TOO familiar.

The experience we had (and two of my friends who also had that age model) was that no, there was nothing concrete to be found on the forums in terms of DIY fixes. When DH kept drawing blanks, he, like your DH, lost interest. We took it to out local trusted family garage, nope, nothing he could do. Took it to Renault main dealers. Paid a shitload for diagnostics, and no, they still couldn't get to the bottom of it.

It's partly to do with emissions, partly the coils, even when all of the related parts were replaced, the bastarding thing still juddered like a doddery old codger. Same story for my two friends with the same car too.

I was of the mind I CBA with a new car, that one would do for what I needed, but it got to the stage where it was just a miserable unfixable wreck.

Your DH sounds a bit like mine in as much as he does love cars and spending time on the forums, couldn't you pitch to him getting rid of the Clio for an alternative household car and sell the idea to him as though it's another hobby car for him to tinker with that you could drive? That's what I did

My mum had a car without central locking, as was normal back then. What wasn't normal was that the lock on the drivers door was broken, so you had to get in from the passenger side. It was like that for 8 years - the remainder of the time she had the car.

I'm at a bit of a loss as to understand how your relationship works with regard to paying for things and responsibility for fixing things, OP.

I fixed my 'broken' central locking by buying a 3 battery for the key fob and smiling/flirting nicely at the young guy in halfords to fit it!! try the key battery it may be that simple!

A Pru mobile sounds fab

I wish I could say he'd started interest to lose it, but sadly the interest wasn't there to begin with. He's usually like a dog with a bone over this sort of stuff so I'm hoping that once he gets a sniff he might get interested.
He has diagnostic equipment (he's not a tinkerer, he does genuinely know what he's doing for the most part which makes things doubly irritating)

I think realistically this is probably the beginning of the end for the clio, but unless he looks at it I don't know for sure. I guess it's time to start trying to save a little. "I was of the mind I CBA with a new car, that one would do for what I needed" thats been my mindset for a few years and still is to some extent. If it runs and it's reliable then fine. Yes and automatic would be heavenly, but I'm not going to go into debt for one if the Clio will suffice.

amateur no, I don't begrudge him the better car at all, it's a long commute, I'd just like mine to work as well. I don't care it's ancient as long as it goes, not bothered about heated seats and fancy stereos, just the simple things like locking it will suffice.

haunted midlands girl, so a spin would be a challenge. He's SORN'd at present, I don't run him in winter. Currently all wrapped up and in my Mums garage until the weather gets better. TR7's do not like wet weather. DD actually screamed when we hit some standing water it did twitch a bit in fairness.

Queen, as I say I don't work because DD has had her own set of health issues. I have a temp contract in a high school where I can sometimes work a week or two a month or sometimes not for a couple of months.

My health issues are relatively recent, I was diagnosed with EDS Hypermobility on the back of DD's problems when they realised it was hereditary and my bones were getting worse. My scoliosis was diagnosed as a teen but at 40 I've now lost 2" in height and the curve is worsening and becoming problematic. It's currently controlled with painkillers and diazepam but thats a 'stage one' fix according to my GP.
I don't claim any jobseekers, disability etc and DH supports us as he's on a reasonably good wage.

Because of the above I guess I feel guilty for spending money. I tend to ask if its ok if I have something. I texted this morning to check it was ok to buy something that was £15. Probably stupid but there you go. Financial things I have (somewhat stupidly I now realise) always left to him. The little money I get from my occasional work is in an emergency fund as we have no savings.

mrsnodge I tried that one first, sadly it failed.

haunted
This is my 7

That's a damn fine specimen Honey! Does indeed look immaculate and takes me back. Wrapped up warm and safe is good though. Our little MG is doing much the same in our garage :) The teacher in question had two cars. A TR7 and an MG.

When I got it, it had been garaged for some 15 years so was in beautiful condition, still only 54k on the clock and had every past MOT, Service etc all presented in a sticky photo album. The black one next to it belonged to a friend of mine but she used hers as a daily drive and it rusted away quite quickly over a few winters. It stood outside as well so that didn't help.
According to This website only 702 were on the road last year yet they are still pretty universally hated

I wanted a little MG as an everyday car a few years back, ended up with a 72 Morris Minor which was ironically bomb proof. None of this ECU crap You winter yours in the garage as well then? Not worth getting salt on the bodywork is it?

I've been doing some reading on Clio immobilisers since I got in and have found a device which blocks them, ironically it's £100, exactly the amount he wanted to spend on more crap for his car so I think I'll let him take a look this weekend then order one.

Sorry but it sounds like you are being treated second best here not your car

This^ You're focusing on the car. Ask your DH to get your car fixed as a favour to you as he knows so much about cars. If he doesn't, then he is the problem.

The MG lives in the garage - it's sorned too at the moment - but when it's taxed it does only come out on nice days :) Or to be dusted and polished. We did consider selling it but as soon as the burbly engine splutters into life we change our minds. DH did almost decide to sell it and keep our old BMW which was also mint but the MG won. We are hopeless. If we had a barn we could keep all these treasures but having a decent size garage is expensive enough round here.

Hope you get something sorted for you very soon.

Thats the sad thing, realistically in it's mint condition I'll be lucky to get £2k for it. That bothers me as well but thinking about it logically I'm paying £120 tax for 6 months for a car I'm in pain driving and I'm insuring it, MOT'ing it and servicing it. Doesn't stack up really. But yes, first turn of the key and he fires up and I fall in love all over again

Every car I've ever owned has been ancient actually, from the mog to a beaten up punto to the Clio. My goal in life is to own something under 7 years old haha