to school would benefit from building a good relationship with parents and that support should go both ways?

[Songofsixpence]

Having some issues with my daughter's high school - she started in September

I'll admit that I didn't really want her to go to this school, I didn't like it when we looked round, but we didn't get our 1st choice and DD herself was desperate to go there as her entire year 6 class went there

On Friday morning DD managed to completely knacker one of her school shoes, she caught her foot under a chest of drawers in our living room and tripped, pulling the sole of her shoe clean off. This was at 8am, just as she's on the way out of the door. There was absolutely nothing we could do, so I dug out a pair of plain black flat ankle boots and sent her in with a note.

She arrived home following an after school club at 5pm on Friday and informed me that she had spent the day being taught in isolation in the LSU due to the non-uniform footwear - being taught in isolation seems to consist of being left unsupervised to read her library book

This isn't the first issue, she was given an after school detention as she hadn't handed some homework in, given in the morning for the same day and I wasn't informed - I don't have an issue with the detention, but I had expected a phone call or something to let me know that my child was being detained at school. Following the non-handing in of homework, I tried to talk to school, work out ways I could ensure homework was being done - could they email me the homework - it's actually supposed to be posted up on DD's school "Cloud" so parents can track it but it never is, could someone check she is writing her homework in her planner, if she doesn't write it in, I can't check it's being done, could I call up the learning mentors once a week and get details of homework, etc, etc. all refused.

And also, a few weeks ago I got a horrible letter due to lateness - she was given an unauthorised absence mark for being 10 minutes late for school - fine, except there were exceptional circumstances - she uses a short cut to walk to school and the foot path she uses was closed off due to a burst pipe, she didn't know it was closed until she got there, so she had to walk the long way round which meant she missed registration. Half the school, including staff were affected by it so clearly not someone chancing their arm because they got up late

So I called school for a chat where I was told that I was an unsupportive parent and told continually ignoring uniform policy could result in suspension. I tried to point out that sometimes, with the best will in the world 'stuff' happens, but no, I am an unsupportive parent.

I try my best, I follow uniform policy, I support the school, I don't take DD out for holidays, I encourage good attendance, I encourage homework and support punishments, but I am human and sometimes things go wrong, is it really that unreasonable to expect school to be a bit understanding, supportive and accepting when things do go tits up?

I just want them to talk to me, let me know if DD is in trouble and work together to support her

"Your daughter needs to start taking some responsibility"

For what, precisely?

She has been late, once, along with half the rest of the school, because her normal route was flooded - result, parents threatened with EWO.

She has worn non-uniform shoes, once, because the sole had been ripped off her uniform shoes immediately before school - result, a whole day's teaching missed.

She has missed handing in one piece of homework and received a detention which she did and which the OP has no issue with -- just would like to have been notified that her daughter wouldn't be home at the normal time so that she didn't worry (and could cancel the appointment that they had booked).

I don't see where the daughter isn't taking responsibility.

Meanwhile the school is not complying with its own homework policy.

To be fair, the homework detention wasn't the first time she hadn't handed it in. There were no lunchtime detentions first, but homework had been an issue in the run up. It was the first time I was aware of homework issues.

I was told homework would be uploaded to her Cloud - when I looked there was no homework on there

I check her planner and she does what's written in there. I sign off her planner every week, her teachers also sign off her planner every week. I assume all is OK

Following the detention it came to light that she wasn't writing everything down and stuff was being missed.

I then get told that I am not following the home-school agreement as I am not supporting homework policy.

I'm happy to support the detentions if that's school policy, I have no issue with them as long as I know she's there, but that's not really being supportive or proactive in getting the work done.

She has struggled with the transition to high school, she does need to take responsibility but she needs some support with that.

They want me to support her to get the work done, I'm happy to do so, but how can I do that if I don't know what the work is in the first place?

The late thing is ridiculous. 10 mins late for an unforeseen issue is not a problem at all. I'm guessing the school have a standard letter for unauthorised absences but this seems very sledgehammer to crack a nut.

The homework not being uploaded isn't good enough although your DD should also make sure she writes it in her planner too. Even then it does seem to be a one off rather than a frequent problem.

I also think the school have totally over-reacted about the shoes / boots. I support school uniform but black boots rather than shoes as a one off really would't bother me. My DD (admittedly still at primary) was allowed to wear trainers for over a week when there was a fault with her school shoes. I took them back to the shop at the weekend but they didn't have the correct size so it had to be ordered in which took a few days. The teacher didn't bat an eyelid. Missing out on a day's teaching for a minor uniform infringement is madness.

The school is being ridiculous for one off offences, so the OP either needs to discuss this with the proper people at school and take them to task, or the school is being entirely reasonable in its actions and we simply don't know the whole story. EWO for being ten minutes' late?

I also agree that common sense dictates that parents should be informed about detentions too.

And just to add, we even had a parents evening following the CATs testing, and homework was never mentioned as being a problem

With the EWO, I was told that it didn't matter whether she was 10 minutes late or 2 hours late. She missed registration, and therefore received an unauthorised absence mark for that morning

I think the unauthorised absence mark probably is right as she arrived after registration closed. To suggest this might be sent to the EWO for a one off, unusual situation is stupid though.

I'd love to be there when they try to call in the EWO for a one-off ten minute lateness. I suspect they'd get a right earful.

Regarding homework, if a teacher checks one pupil has written homework in their planner, then they could end up checking all in the class. That could be 34 pupils. Ok, so you want it e mailed home, that again could be for all 34. When do you expect them to actually find the time to plan and deliver interesting, entertaining lessons ?

The cloud thing is not an excuse for you DD not to do her homework. Yes maybe it is school policy that the teachers should be uploading it, but they're not. Your DD has a planner to make a note of what the homework is, it is her responsibility to do that.
How do you think children coped with homework before the internet??!

The uniform thing and the lateness seem unfair but if they bent the rules for your DD they'd have to do it for everyone.

sorry ignore me - you shouldn't be labelled as supportive when you are doing all you can to be so.

Was it a standard letter that goes out when children are late / absent without prior notification that included a mention of repeated offences being a pathway to EWO involvement and fines?

Schools are under huge pressure to improve their attendance and punctuality as it is a fairly major factor in Ofsted gradings. So any unexplained lateness triggering a letter making it clear it's unacceptable is probably understandable.

YANBU, they are being ridiculous. Have you spoken to the parent governors as the school are taking a stupidly strict line and alienating parents and children, IMHO.
You should know where your daughter is, and she shouldn't be missing a days teaching for having the wrong shoes, FFS.

Was it a standard letter that goes out when children are late / absent without prior notification that included a mention of repeated offences being a pathway to EWO involvement and fines?

Not really standard, it was personalised in so far that said something like "unacceptable lateness following the closure of XXX footpath on the Xth January 2014", that registration had closed when she arrived so it would be recorded as unauthorised absence

And that the unauthorised absence has been reported to the Local Authority and EWO with a view to imposing a fine.

I've not heard any more about it, and probably won't, but it wasn't that long ago.

It affected half the school, when DD got to the path she said it was closed off, a massive hole in the path with lots of workmen from the local water company already there so it would be easy to prove it was due to circumstances beyond anyone's control

And as for homework, I just want them to talk to me. I had no idea homework was such an issue for her

They want me to support her, but unless I know what the work is, I can't, lots of my friends children in other schools have homework emailed to them, one friend phones her child's form tutor on a Friday afternoon and he updates her on what's outstanding/what new homework has been given.

I tried to discuss it with them, be proactive and come up with solutions that would help them, and her with her organisational skills, but they refused everything and then called me unsupportive and that I'm not following the home-school agreement

There's never any acceptance or understanding that sometimes, shit happens, we do end up with a broken shoe at 8am on the way out of the door, or a footpath is closed making them late for school. Yes, the unauthorised absence mark is entirely right, but threatening me with the EWO and fines for the first offence? Missing an entire day of teaching because of a broken shoe instead of a warning for the first offence?

I think you should pursue the cloud thing. Clearly school has received a technology grant but the IT is running ahead of what the staff are willing or able to do (I say this as a teacher who appears to be of the few able to work an intranet ). I like putting things on the intranet because it saves ME the trouble of remembering what I've set and helps absent pupils and those wth SEN.

With the other stuff you're on a hiding to nothing - let it go.

Oh, I have let it go now. I came off the phone earlier really pissed off, I've had a good old rant and rave at DH and it's done.

I will find out about the Cloud again though, it seems like such a fab idea. And actually, several thousand pounds worth of kit isn't being used. DD's hasn't been used in months. Most of the kids have reset the security software on it and use it as a normal tablet (I won't let DD reset hers much to her disgust )

Next time you'll know to send her in her school shoes tied round with a bit of rope!!! Some schools take things too far.

Secondary schools and shoes are just ridiculous!

Girls can wear the flimsiest of PVC ballet pumps, but tot canvas ones, even if far more supportive.

Woe betide you if you dare wear boots or black leather trainers.

The DDs wait for their bus on a junction with a blocked drain and bits of the school site are flooded and open topped girls shoes are the least suitable footwear imaginable!

The law changed a while ago giving schools new powers. They do not have to inform parents of after school detentions anymore (most in practice do as a courtesy) but they don't have to.
Uniform - same in my school if they don't have full uniform they are taken out of circulation to avoid the "well x was allowed to wear it" scenario
Homework it's clearly not the policy that staff upload all homework otherwise it would all be on it! It's your child's responsibility to record homework , do it and hand in on time
You do sound unsupportive sorry!

Bloody hell - a tablet each/

Is this an Academy

It sounds ridiculous to me

Are you sure you're getting the entire story from your daughter? Some of the things she's said happened sound like the kind of excuse I would have made up when I was a teenager. Eg, hanging around in the park and being late then telling my Mum everybody was late. Plus saying I was in detention when actually I'd been at a mates.

Also, even if the homework is not up on the cloud that is not the cause of your daughter not doing her homework. Your daughter is the cause of not doing her homework. If she is not writing down her homework or doing it then the problem lies with her, and yes she does deserve to have a detention for it. On this issue I can see why the school are annoyed with you. Your daughter is misbehaving by not writing down her homework or doing it and you are deflecting the blame from her by blaming it on the work not being uploaded on the cloud.

I think you could chill out about over one detention and one absence mark for the lateness. These things will happen while she is at senior school and over reacting is not going to do you any favours with the school