to school would benefit from building a good relationship with parents and that support should go both ways?

[Songofsixpence]

Having some issues with my daughter's high school - she started in September

I'll admit that I didn't really want her to go to this school, I didn't like it when we looked round, but we didn't get our 1st choice and DD herself was desperate to go there as her entire year 6 class went there

On Friday morning DD managed to completely knacker one of her school shoes, she caught her foot under a chest of drawers in our living room and tripped, pulling the sole of her shoe clean off. This was at 8am, just as she's on the way out of the door. There was absolutely nothing we could do, so I dug out a pair of plain black flat ankle boots and sent her in with a note.

She arrived home following an after school club at 5pm on Friday and informed me that she had spent the day being taught in isolation in the LSU due to the non-uniform footwear - being taught in isolation seems to consist of being left unsupervised to read her library book

This isn't the first issue, she was given an after school detention as she hadn't handed some homework in, given in the morning for the same day and I wasn't informed - I don't have an issue with the detention, but I had expected a phone call or something to let me know that my child was being detained at school. Following the non-handing in of homework, I tried to talk to school, work out ways I could ensure homework was being done - could they email me the homework - it's actually supposed to be posted up on DD's school "Cloud" so parents can track it but it never is, could someone check she is writing her homework in her planner, if she doesn't write it in, I can't check it's being done, could I call up the learning mentors once a week and get details of homework, etc, etc. all refused.

And also, a few weeks ago I got a horrible letter due to lateness - she was given an unauthorised absence mark for being 10 minutes late for school - fine, except there were exceptional circumstances - she uses a short cut to walk to school and the foot path she uses was closed off due to a burst pipe, she didn't know it was closed until she got there, so she had to walk the long way round which meant she missed registration. Half the school, including staff were affected by it so clearly not someone chancing their arm because they got up late

So I called school for a chat where I was told that I was an unsupportive parent and told continually ignoring uniform policy could result in suspension. I tried to point out that sometimes, with the best will in the world 'stuff' happens, but no, I am an unsupportive parent.

I try my best, I follow uniform policy, I support the school, I don't take DD out for holidays, I encourage good attendance, I encourage homework and support punishments, but I am human and sometimes things go wrong, is it really that unreasonable to expect school to be a bit understanding, supportive and accepting when things do go tits up?

I just want them to talk to me, let me know if DD is in trouble and work together to support her

I think they sound a bit crap, actually.

The shoe thing: who has a spare pair of school shoes to hand in case one is lost/damaged on a school morning? It is perfectly possible to have a workable policy on uniform enforcement that contains an element of flexibility - the OP sent her in with a note in black ankle boots not thigh high rubber boots or 6" red stilettos.

The lateness: again, you can have a tough policy that allows flexibility for exceptional circumstances.

Homework: all the high schools I know provide homework info to parents and the OP's school says it will. How is the OP unreasonable to request they actually do what they say?

It's not great and it's not entirely 'fair' and I would be pretty annoyed in these circumstances at being told that I was not a supportive parent.

That said, life isn't always fair, and that's not the worst lesson to learn. Once she's an adult, she won't be able to avoid e.g. parking fines however brilliant her excuse for being late is. Not will she be able to rely on other people to help organise her work / study once she leaves school (e.g. by posting tasks to a Cloud). I don't mean this as a personal comment about your daughter - it applies equally to all pupils - but in these circumstances, as the punishments aren't really all that major, i would pick your battles (not being notified of detention is worth making an issue of) and use the other punishments as life lessons for your daughter, something you can use as a discussion started with her about how the world works.

They do sound fussy and not very organised.

yanbu at all.

i have had similar problems with.my yr 7 child and homework and a lost pair of shoes, oir school however had been great. arranged for monitering of his homework diary so we could ensure it was all being written down and as his shoes disappeared at school.he is wearing black teainers until half term when i will buy new ones if his havent turned up.

the school have rung me with any issues and arranged appointments so we can discuss them and work together to support ds2. the school is known for its good pastoral support tho, its one of the reasons we chose it.

Thanks!

I've asked for a meeting - just waiting for her Learning Mentor to call me back

I'm going to put everything in an email in the meantime as well

To answer some previous questions,

She always wears correct uniform - a school kilt with thick black tights or straight leg school trousers from BHS, black school shoes, white shirt, school logoed jumper and school blazer. When she leaves the house her skirt is the correct length, and it is again when she returns home. She may be rolling it up when she's out of sight, but it's never been mentioned. They confirmed this morning on the phone that this was the first time her uniform has been an issue, the first time she's had a warning and the first time she's been in the LSU - I also have to sign a slip and this is the first one I've had

With the lateness, they confirmed at the time it was her first late, she had no other unauthorised absence marks - she has had 2 days off for tonsillitis for which they asked for a doctors note, I asked if a copy of her prescription would suffice as I had it to hand and could email it over there and then, rather than me going back to the GP for a note. They accepted this and it was recorded as sickness. Nothing else on her record.

With the homework "Cloud". I'm logged on there now, there are 5 things on there from back in September (done and signed off) and nothing since. It states in their homework policy in the handouts we were given when she started that each teacher will upload homework to the Cloud so parents and pupils can track it easily. It was reiterated in the parents info evening we went to, and again in the info hand outs when they were issued with their tablets. They also get a planner, she's not great it filling it in, I ensure she does what's in there, but I can't help if I don't know about it. Until she was given the detention, I didn't know there was an issue, I had assumed it was all being done. I sign the planner, as does her teacher. I had no clue there was an issue, especially as the planner is signed off by her teachers each week

There are a lot of promises about supporting and working with parents and pupils in the school bumph, but it's not forthcoming when I've asked for help.

I just want them to talk to me

I don't believe you got a letter threatening a fine from the EWO for a ten minute lateness.

Legally schools can detain children for up to 20 minutes without prior warning for the parents, but an hour detention would need 24hrs notice. So either your daughter had been told about it, and forgotten to tell you, or the school broke the law.

I'm inclined to think we're not getting the full story.

Thejumped' no, I got a letter from school threatening me with the EWO with a view to imposing a fine

And no, DD didn't forget to tell me. She was given a same day detention. I complained about it at the time and school told me at the time that it is not school policy to inform parents of detentions unless a child is travelling on a school bus - in that case they give 24 hours notice.

Was the detention more than 20 minutes?

I don't know of a single teacher who doesn't know this rule, nor a school who doesn't make it clear to all its staff that 20 mins is the max we can detain a child if same day.

Gove removed the need to inform parents of detentions.

www.gov.uk/school-discipline-exclusions/discipline

I think there's a bit of both sides being unreasonable here. The shoes- that's an extreme response if it's a one off, and I don't see why they made a big thing of it if she wore normal looking shoes rather than trainers or something. The homework- yabu about this, I have had to tell dd a couple of times (she's y7 too) that if she doesn't write her homework in her diary properly, it's her own fault. She got one detention when she'd not written it completely and so didn't follow all the steps of the task. I'm with the school on this as 12 is old enough to start taking responsibility for their work and belongings. However, i thought it was a legal requirement to inform parents of after school detentions? Dunno if that's changed. The lateness is no ones fault really but it won't hurt her to have one late mark.

Ah that explains that then Claudius. :P

From that site:

"Detention

Schools don’t have to give parents notice of after school detentions or tell them why a detention has been given"

I am shocked! I'm currently on mat leave and put my hands up to being wrong on this. I think that's awful actually, that a parent doesn't have to be told! An hour detention is a long time to be waiting in a car / waiting at home wondering where the hell your child is!

Yes, it was nearly an hour.

We actually had an after school opticians appointment and she knew to come straight home. After allowing for fart-arsing around/gossiping with friends time, I saw the group of friends that she usually walks with walking home past our house without DD, they informed me she was in detention. I tracked her down and she left school with me 50 minutes after the end of school.

At the time I complained and was told the above, but I will be complaining again, I hadn't realised that there was a 20 minute max

I have no intention of stopping her from attending the detention. She behaved in a way that earned her a detention, she has to suck it up. I'd just like to know where my child is when she's going to be an hour late home from school. That's a long time for a parent not to know where their child is. At the time, it was new to her, and me, I'd also assumed they'd inform me, it hadn't occurred to either of us that they wouldn't. She knows now, and knows to go to the IT room and email me.

I don't want to prevent her from getting a punishment, but school have told me I'm not following the home-school agreement as I'm not supporting their policy on homework. If they want to continue giving her detentions every time she doesn't hand homework in then that's fine by me, I've never complained about the actual detention, but I can't support them in getting her to actually do the work if I don't know what it is

And with the late mark, no, it won't kill her, but they threatened to report me to the EWO for unauthorised absence with a view to imposing a fine. I'm sure it won't go any further, but making threats and calling me unsupportive, isn't exactly going to help build a positive relationship between us.

Gove removed the need to inform parents of detentions.

Not exactly, and I think that website has got it wrong, for all that it's the gov.uk site. What he said was that schools no longer have to give 24 hours' notice (and I must say I can't for the life of me see why he said it, I can't see what difference it would possibly make). It is a simple matter of the school's duty of care that they should give notice of an hour long detention, because a parent is entitled to know so that they're not panicking, and in case they have made other after-school appointments. It's also quite dangerous - you could have a situation where the parent of a misbehaver assumes the reason she's late is that she's got yet another detention, only to discover that actually she's been abducted and they've lost valuable time.

This school sounds ridiculous. They seem to cling to their rules like drowning men, but they're not prepared to follow them themselves. If their rules say teachers must put homework in the Cloud, then they should be enforcing it. Rules also say that they should inform parents of same day detentions that will make their child late home - why aren't they complying with those? Also that they have a duty to provide full time education: sending a child off to read a book all day is not providing full time education, and the issue with the shoes really did not merit this, particularly given that they didn't bother to check the facts with OP. I would be seriously tempted to point out that they're not setting the best example and they should apply some simple common sense.

I'd be very tempted to go school shoe shopping on a school day and send in a note saying.

"Little sixpence was absent from school today as she was buying new shoes, since having the correct uniform is clearly more important than her education"

Sounds like most secondary schools.
Your daughter needs to start taking some responsibility and you need to back the hell up or she never will.

The reason for the removal of 24 hours notice was mentioned up thread.
HOWEVER, I always give at least 24 hours notice. And, I try and be as flexible as I can with both lunchtime and afterschool detentions. Failure to hand in homework does not warrant an afterschool for a first offence in my opinion.

oh fgs even if schools dont have to give notice of detentions its just good manners to inform parents so they dont worry or can change pick uo arrangements etc.

lots of pupils at our high school often pick up younger siblings from primaries nearby so parents need to know if they cant for some reason.

puting a child in isolation for the wrong shoes on a first offence when she has a note explaining why is overkill.

my ds2 lost his shoes at school, they disapeared from the pe changinh room. thr school have said its ok to wait til half term to see if they turn up and in meantime he is wearing black trainers.

re homework ds2 has had issues and the odd detention. we spoke to the school and THEY suggested his teacherd make sure he gas written it down correctly. they said its not unusual for some yr 7's to struggle and so they provide a bit of support. my friend who is a high school teacher agreed. its a big change moving to high school, some kids need a bit more support.

my ds1 in yr 10 has always been fine but ds2 has struggled. thankfully his school has common sense and good pastoral support.

doctor its not an afterschool detention for first offence here either. its a lunchtime detention. i think.its three lunchtime detentiins and then an after school one.

ds1 has never had a detention or even a telling off at high school. ds2 has had a few already but since working with the school he hadnt had any, we needed to work together to help him. i am all for giving kidd responsibility but some of these kids are just 11 and need a bit of support and guidance.