... or am I being petty?

[RegTheMonkey]

I've been married for 17 years. I didn't change my name at the time and am Ms Monkey on everything, driving licence, passport, bank, tax etc. etc. My PIL were a bit put out when I said I wouldn't be taking their son's name. Ever since, if they send anything to me like a birthday card they just put 'Reg' on the envelope because they can't bear to write 'Reg The Monkey'. No problem. However, today I got two birthday cards from relatives of husband, addressed to 'Mrs Dear Husband', when they all know my name is Monkey. Why won't they accept it? Why do they ignore my name and my wishes? I might just be having a bad day because tomorrow is a huuuuuuuge birthday and I'm pissed off about it. So, AIBU to expect people to use my name?

I do think his parents are being offensive. This also happened to me with a family member - she would write to me using the incorrect surname, quite deliberately. They are judging you each time they don't use your correct surname, saying that what they think you should have done is what matters. I wrote to her politely asking her to use the correct, legal name, and she has done since.

YANBU. A member of my family (not even DHs) addressed a card to me as Mrs DHs surname as she doesn't approve of my decision to keep my name. I posted it back - return to sender, not known at this address.

I accept the two aunties may have forgotten, but for 17 years, the PILs have only ever written 'Reg' on an envelope. They are full aware of my surname, just refuse to use it.

My parents are married but do not have the same last name. They once got a card addressed to Mr & Mrs Hislastname and Ms Herlastname. My mother's response was "Who is this Mrs Hislastname?"

To expect friend's and relatives grown up children (late teens/twenties) to send us a birthday card. We give them xmas pressies and birthday money each year and apart from a thank you at the time we never hear another peep....

Oops sorry! Wrong place!

I know that in general there are bigger issues to get annoyed over but it does smack of disregard for your wishes and feelings.

I get irritated when people address me as Mrs Husbandsname when my surname is MrsCosmopilie Husbandsname. Worse still is when they address me as Mrs HusbandsInitial Husbandsname.

Thankfully DH is aware of this irritating me. Our DD has both surnames.