To not want my parents to pay for DD to go to private school

[uptheauntie]

DD is 3. We have a great local primary school, which was one of the reasons we moved to the area. This is where we intend for her to go to primary school.

My parents are quite generous financially, but I wouldn't say I have the closest relationship with them and things can be quite difficult with my father. He is incapable of holding a calm, rational discussion about anything.

They have offered to pay for DD to go to private school. I politely declined, stating she will be going to the local primary and we may consider private for secondary schooling, but that is a matter for us. Fine. But they keep on offering. And I keep on politely declining. We could afford private if we wished (we are comfortable, but not rolling in it and some small sacrifices would need to be made), but I really don't think we need/want to send DD to private for primary when there is a really good small primary locally.

Part of my reason for declining is that I don't want my parents to think they have a state in my daughters education. It is for us, as her parents to deal with. Does that make sense? Given as my dad cannot calmly communicate, I just think it could be a disaster waiting to happen.

Anyway, AIBU? Am I cutting my nose of to spite my face? Sometimes I wonder if I should just shut up and accept the offer.

My parents pay for my DC to go to private school. The way it was organised was this:-

They put the money into a bare trust (legal term) - one for each child, and named me and DH as the trustees. DH and I therefore have total control over the money (but it can legally only be used for the children's benefit, and we have to be able to account for it if HMRC required us to).

The benefits of this approach are:-

• It's a clear-cut set up. DH and I are in charge of choosing schools and how the money is spent. My parents have no say in that at all. (They trust us to make the best-informed decisions)
• The money is all there - if something were to happen to my parents we wouldn't suddenly be unable to pay the school fees
• The interest on the investments is taxed at the children's tax rates, and not at mine/DH's or my parents' (which would be higher)
• If there is any spare money when they reach 18 (which we expect there to be, as we are hoping they will go to the local CofE secondary - which is outstanding and IMO better than the private alternatives) then the money can be put towards university fees/house deposits etc.

Personally, I think this is the best approach to take. But then, my parents only want to benefit the children, and have no ulterior motives. They also trust DH and I to make the best decisions on the children's behalf. I don't think I would want to accept the money if it was being done as a controlling measure - nor if it was being doled out bit by bit and therefore risked the children suddenly being forced to leave their school if it was withdrawn.

Also - as a note, you need to be clear on the inheritance tax rules, as any money given by your parents may be subject to inheritance tax as and when they (sadly) die.

YANBU. They only want control and they'll use it. Don't go near the offer with a bargepole.