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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let this get to me?

46 replies

Joolsy · 03/02/2014 15:43

3rd year in a row DD hasn't been invited to a classmate's party, and 90% of the rest of the class have. Had a falling out with the mum in question few years ago but we made up & put it behind us though we've never been close since. DD & bday girl are friends, not close, but certainly not enemies and others who aren't even friends with her were invited. All the talk today was what a great party it was. Feel like sending the mum a text saying was it really necessary to exclude DD yet again and did she have a problem with me or DD?

OP posts:
nicename · 03/02/2014 15:45

I wouldn't get into one with her. It sounds like she has made a deliberate decision to exclude her. Petty and childish, but some people really are just like that. How old are the girls?

Twitterqueen · 03/02/2014 15:45

Don't do it.
Unfortunately party invitations will always upset some children and some parents. It's really not worth making a fuss about it.

Presumably she's paying for it all so ultimately, it's her choice.

Norfolknway · 03/02/2014 15:46

Just let it go. What do you want her to say?

Although I understand it's annoying, they can invite who the want

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/02/2014 15:49

Difficult one. On one hand, it was the girl's party, and she should get to choose her guests, and if that means someone is excluded, so be it.

But on the other hand, it is really hard for you and your dd, and I can understand why she and you feel hurt by this. And I have seen a number of similar threads on here, where people say that it is wrong to invite the vast majority of the class, but exclude just a few children, and if you want to exclude some, you should have a much smaller party, so you don't end up singling out a small number of children, who will feel hurt and excluded.

Would I ask the mum directly, if I were you? I am not sure. You would be sticking up for your dd, and that is very important, but it does risk making things worse, and you might end up hearing something you don't want to hear.

Holdthepage · 03/02/2014 15:53

Just let it go. It's a child's party FGS.

thefirstmrsrochester · 03/02/2014 15:53

Sounds like it was a deliberate decision on her part to exclude your dd on account of your previous falling out. Sadly some adults never lose the playground mentality.
YANBU to feel upset, YWBU to take it up with the mum.
The other mum isn't worth the bother, and the party will soon be yesterday's news.

DoJo · 03/02/2014 15:57

It doesn't seem worth confronting her now that the party has happened - she can't change it even if she wanted to and it sounds as though you have a fair amount of acrimonious history with one another. Do you actually want to be friends with the mother? Is your daughter actually friends with her child?

pictish · 03/02/2014 16:00

This would annoy me too because I would feel like the mum bore a grudge and was making my daughter pay for it.

However, as others say...there's really nothing you can do. You certainly can't complain to her about it becvause ultimately it's her choice who she is willing to pay for, even if it does make her a petty, childish idiot.

Grrr!

WorraLiberty · 03/02/2014 16:04

Blimey, do not contact her and say anything.

Party invites are not a god given right

I can't ever remember my mum even caring about this sort of thing, thank goodness...or she would have just brought unnecessary stress upon herself.

We always take the view that some you get invites to and some you don't

Only1scoop · 03/02/2014 16:06

Just let it go if she wanted to invite your dc she would have.
They will all be talking about something else tmrw....no point.

peevishcleavage · 03/02/2014 16:15

YABU. Don't want to belittle your issue op but you mustn't have very much to worry about if this is really bothering you. Anyhow who wants to go to a party where the mum is a queen bitch? Ten percent non-invitees rule!

Cravey · 03/02/2014 16:40

It's a kids party. Get over it. If you are that bothered take your daughter somewhere on the day of the party. You cannot dictate who invites your child and who doesn't. Your child needs to realise this is life and it will get worse as she gets older.

alarkthatcouldpray · 03/02/2014 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragwort · 03/02/2014 16:48

Do NOT send the other mother a text, it will make you look like a loon; just don't get involved in all this party angst.

Do you invite this child to your DD's parties?

CoffeeTea103 · 03/02/2014 16:51

Yabu she's not obligated in any way to invite your dd, why on earth do you think she has to. It's life, rather try to stay out of these types of things.

higgle · 03/02/2014 16:53

Have you invited this girl to your DD's parties?

insummeritrains · 03/02/2014 16:58

She was being immature and petty. I wouldn't confront her as she is probably waiting for a reaction. How sad.

Original poster
Joolsy · 03/02/2014 20:42

No DD hasn't invited her to her parties but she only has a few close friends over anyway - not real 'parties' at all. I am not at all bothered about being friends with the mother - we sort of are at a distance and have friends in common which could affect things if it turned nasty between us. My DD & her DD are 'friends' but not particularly close -they sometimes play together in a group & things are fine between them, no issues at all as far as I know.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 03/02/2014 20:49

Please, please don't say anything. She could quite easily say 'well you didn't invite my DD to your DD's party' and then you would have to explain it wasn't really a party, just a few good friends ........... and make the whole situation worse.

It is a sad but useful lesson in life for your DD to learn, not everyone does get invited to parties.

Beamur · 03/02/2014 20:52

Rise about it. Party politics are a PITA.
I would feel upset - a classmate of DD's had a party a while ago and it seemed like she was the only one not invited, I was upset but she was oblivious Grin sadly it is one of those lessons in life, both for the kids (and the parents)

wigglesrock · 03/02/2014 21:15

So you're not particularly close friends with the mum, your daughter isn't particularly close friends with the daughter. You don't invite the girl to your daughters parties, other kids in the class aren't going but you think it's appropriate to text & have your say Hmm

waltermittymissus · 03/02/2014 21:19

So you're not particularly close friends with the mum, your daughter isn't particularly close friends with the daughter. You don't invite the girl to your daughters parties, other kids in the class aren't going but you think it's appropriate to text & have your say Hmm

This. With bells on.

Also, would you seriously confront someone about a child's party anyway?? Seriously?

fluterby · 03/02/2014 22:08

I think you have to just rise above it. It's hurtful though, I agree. One of dd's best friends didn't invite her to his party for three years running. I've no idea why. It just seemed cruel to me. But you get these people and we'll probably never see them again in a few years time.

BabyMummy29 · 03/02/2014 22:12

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing that it had upset you/your daughter.

Original poster
Joolsy · 04/02/2014 09:11

"So you're not particularly close friends with the mum, your daughter isn't particularly close friends with the daughter. You don't invite the girl to your daughters parties, other kids in the class aren't going but you think it's appropriate to text & have your say hmm"

It's got nothing to do with whether I'm close friends with the mum. As I said before, my DD & the bday girl are closer friends than others who were invited. And as I also said before my DD only has a few v close friends over when it's her bday, so that's irrelevant as well. I wasn't going to "have my say", I wasn't going to state an opinion - in my OP I said I just wanted to know if she had any issues with me which reflected why DD wasn't invited.

There have been dozens of parties that DD hasn't been invited to and I certainly wouldn't expect an invite but this has all the signs of there being another reason. But I am going to rise above it. Thanks for all your advice.

OP posts: