Trying for a new job while trying to conceive?

[CosyTeaBags]

Following on from the thread about the Guardian columnist calling someone 'reprehensible' for not telling a new employer during an interview that she intends to conceive...

I work for a local council on a temporary contract which is due to end in a few months. Recently my dream job has come up within the organization, for internal applicants only. It is the job that I always hoped would arise within the company, and to be honest one of the reasons I took my job, in the hope that it might open the door to opportunities like this. It also happens to be a permanent contract. My boss also saw the job advert and has encouraged me to apply as she knows what my ambitions are.

So far so good. I emailed a close friend of mine, who used to work at the council doing a job closely related to the new job that has come up. So I wanted to pick her brains for help and encouragement with my application.

She was horrible about it. She has a serious chip on her shoulder about leaving her job at the council anyway, and was ranting on about that, and about how I'd hate the job, and how it's wrong that they have advertised internally as the job is too specific (implying that there's no one good enough in the existing team to take the job - thanks).

She was really trying to tell me that I'd be better off sticking with my current temp job. So I then pointed out that as I'm currently TTC (which she knows about, as I've had fertility treatment), if I got PG during my temp contract, I'd end up with no maternity leave when my contract ended, and little chance of getting back into a job. A permanent contract would be a godsend, regardless of the fact that it's also my dream job.

So she started telling me that I'd get no maternity leave if I changed job now (which isn't true, but I had given up arguing by then), and that I'd really be leaving my new boss up shit creek if I got pregnant just after taking the new job.

I said "Well I'm not pregnant, and I haven't got the job yet. If I had either of those I'd be happy"

I've been trying for nearly a year, we have had fertility issues. If I were lucky enough to fall pregnant, I would be so over the moon I don't think I'd really care about the council. They would employ someone to do the mat cover, it would give someone else a good opportunity to get experience... and I'd still have my dream job to go back to at the end.

But it really made me worry that she might say something to my potential new boss - AIBU for applying for a new job when I'm TTC?

What the hell else am I supposed to do, carry on with my temp contract until it runs out and I'm let unemployed, possibly pregnant or with a new baby?

Cosy - just apply for the job. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. You'll only regret it if you don't. As for TTC - don't put your life on hold while you do that. And if you do get pregnant, cross that bridge when you get to it. Full of cliches, but never mind!

really be leaving my new boss up shit creek if I got pregnant just after taking the new job.

^ - This is very true

I think you have to be working at a job for a certain amount of time before you will receive SMP.

Apply for the job.

As you say, you have fertility issues, unfortunately there is no guarentee you will get pregnant. As another poster has said, you cannot put your life on hold for pregnancy that might not even happen.

Go for it.

Thanks Wow I know you're right, and I will apply for the job, but it did make me wonder what people might thing.

However, my current boss is lovely, she herself was pregnant when she took her current job, so she totally understands how it works. Not sure others would take the same view though.

And clarkson I know it would be... but what the hell else can I do? Not apply for a job in case I fall pregnant? What if I never get pregnant?

And if I did, then I'd have a good 8-9 months in the job (if I fell pg immediately) before leaving. Its not ideal, but then neither is ttc for a year with fertility problems. If I'd had my way, I'd have had my baby a year ago, but there we are.

If you get pregnant just after taking the job, you're going to be giving your new boss what, six months notice that you're taking time off? That's hardly up shit creek.

Ignore your friend and her issues which are clouding her judgment (or she's a bitch - but let's assume it's the former.) Go for the job, and if you get it, and if you get pregnant, then deal with that when it happens.

I think you have to be working at a job for a certain amount of time before you will receive SMP I know, but it's possible that as I'm already at the same company that might carry over. I'm not sure about that, but at the end of the day, my current contract is temporary - so I'll have to start a new job in the next few months whatever happens... so I'm in the same boat whether I get this job, or any other job.

I don't have a choice on that.

It's a shame your friend is being so horrible about it.

Trying to concieve for more then a year without success is very stressful. As is having a temporary contract with the prospect of unemployment at the end of it.

You need friends who support you, and encourage you to apply for your dream job.

Apply for the job.

And re-evaluate your friendship.

I just felt really knocked because I have a few friends who work in the same field, so I had emailed them all for advice.

Two came back wonderfully supportive and encouraging. But the other one, who had actually worked at my company so knew most about the job, was so utterly negative and discouraging.

She is incredibly bitter about her experience at my company, but I've known her for a long time and she's bitter about every job she's ever had. She blames everyone else but herself for all of her problems.

I think there is some truth in the issues she was telling me I may have to face, and yes, it might not be a bed of roses. It might not be exactly how I'd wished it would be. But it's a permanent position doing what I've always dreamed of doing.

She was so negative it really threw me, the TTC thing was the icing on the cake.

I don't understand. You are going to have no job in a few months if you don't apply for another now, so your friend expects you to be unemployed until your baby, that you are not pregnant with yet, is of an age where you are happy to return to work?

Hopefully you'll be preggers soon, but you do surely need to apply for a job anyway so logic tells me you apply for your dream job since it has come up.

I can't imagine you going off to the job centre and saying you can't apply for a job because you're ttc

Go for it, you can't put your life on hold TTC. maternity is a tiny part of your work life anyway and any decent employer will realise this even if it isn't convenient for them. Don't tell anyone connected with work that you're TTC tho.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement!

Trying to concieve for more then a year without success is very stressful. As is having a temporary contract with the prospect of unemployment at the end of it

It most certainly is. And trying to conceive whilst on a temporary contract, knowing that if I do conceive I'll either end my contract whilst pg and therefore have NO mat pay whatsoever, OR get to the end of my contract and still be looking for a new job whilst ttc is even more stressful.

Apply. Hopefully it won't be the case, but what if it took you another five years to conceive? Another employee could come and go in that time. Family 'planning' is such a misleading term - the 'planning' can be so different to what we think it'll be.

Could be way off the mark here, but is your friend concerned about the pressure that new responsibilities/job could put on you and the effect that could have on ttc? Just throwing that out there...

Stupidly I told my boss that I was ttc because I had to have fertility investigations and envisaged a bit of time off sick while I dealt with some of that.

But she's sensible enough not to mention that to anyone else.

Not sure if I can say the same about my friend though. If she comes across my potential new boss in the near future...(they work in the same field so it's possible)

Could be way off the mark here, but is your friend concerned about the pressure that new responsibilities/job could put on you and the effect that could have on ttc?

To be fair to my friend, I think what she was trying to do, in a clumsy way, was show me the realities of what the job would actually be like, rather than how it is in my 'dream job scenario' . So most of the negative response was centered around that, as well as her going off on several rants about how they treated her etc.

I don't think she was worried about how the stress would affect me ttc no. She has fertility issues herself, and I wondered whether there's a little bit of unresolved bitterness there too - jealousy would be the wrong word, since I've got nothing for her to be jealous of, I'm not pg, but if I were then I do think she might see me as having my cake and eating it, so to speak.

Not that she wouldn't do the exact same thing herself given the opportunity.

Go for it. It took me years to get pregnant, if I'd stayed in the job I had when we started trying I would now have been made redundant. I actually got my current job when DS was 6 weeks old. My employers were absolutely lovely about it and let me start later and part-time to begin with so I got more time at home. When I told them they just said 'well, we want you for the job and we want you to be happy so let's work something out'. That and their flexibility and understanding while I'm sans DH (deployed with forces) has earned them huge loyalty and goodwill from me.

Go for it. As others have said, you don't know how long it will take to TTC. What if it takes three more years (not wanting to sound gloomy, but it does happen). Should you sit it out on temporary contracts or without a job just in case?

And have a read about Maternity Allowance to set your mind at rest a bit re SMP.

I don't know anything about SMP, have sort of kept away from it to be honest, since I'm not pg (just trying to get past the first hurdle IYSWIM)

The job I'm applying for states that it would carry over the T&Cs from applicant's current position. Does that mean that it would also carry over 'time served' WRT not being entitled to mat leave within 6 months of starting? or does that apply to the position only, rather than time served within the company?

It's not a question I really want to ask HR explicitly... and the information they give out is crap, so I'm trying to dig it out quietly without anyone knowing....

There are three different things:

Maternity leave: no service requirement, you are entitled from day one

Statutory maternity pay: roughly speaking, you are entitled if not pregnant when you join the employer. The council is probably a single employer for these purposes.

Enhanced maternity pay : this is discretionary, it's whatever the policy says it is.

Maternity Allowance is almost the same as SMP (just not the 90% for 6 weeks bit at the beginning). It's payable to people who don't qualify for SMP but have been working a set number of weeks prior to maternity leave (for any number of different employers). There are details on gov.uk. Just to give you some comfort if you don't get this job and your temp contract comes to an end.

Hope you need all this info soon

If you start the new job before you get pregnant then chances are you will be entitled to SMP. You need to work 41 weeks before the expected week of confinement. It used to be longer, but its not.

Go for it.

Cross post with penguins,although she gave a fuller answer!

As you have fertility issues, you can't put your life on hold while TTC as it can take time. I would just go for the job. I wouldn't miss out on this opportunity just because of the what ifs. Give yourself a chance. Your friend sounds very negative, unsupportive and bitter.

Thank you Penguin I honestly thought I'd be entitled to nothing if my contract ran out whilst on mat leave.

When you say The council is probably a single employer for these purposes. - do you mean that since I've already worked for the council for a number of years, I would be ok if I started a new post within the same employer? It doesn't go back to zero? (in other words, my friend is wrong - I would be entitled to mat pay)

Apply. I started applying for promotions (currently in a permanent position) coming up on 2 years ago...no joy yet! When it became clear promotion wasn't forthcoming, we started TTC (having spent a long time agonising over which we should do 1st!). 18 months later, no joy with that either! My point isn't to depress you, but to tell you to go for it, you never know what's ahead.

P.S: DH and I are resigned to the fact that fate being a cruel and twisted bugger, both will happen around the same time, making both more difficult than if either happened on it's own! Good luck!