Now I'm annoyed, aibu? And best way to approach this

[wickedestwitch]

I have a short fuse and go from 0-100 quite quickly which will get me nowhere.

On Friday, ds age 5 had an accident at school, from what he's told me it was going home time, the teacher was outside, the TA in the classroom. Ds fell and smashed his mouth on the computer table, knocking his two front teeth back up into his gums and out of position. Ds was crying, another boy fetched the TA who said to ds 'oh you'll be ok'. After school club came to pick ds up, TA told after school club worker (who also said 'oh you'll be ok') he'd had a fall and he was sent on his way.

He wasn't really ok at all, I picked him up at 6 and he was in a lot of pain, teeth clearly knocked out of line, split upper lip on the inside. By Saturday morning his upper lip had ballooned and was very bruised inside and has been bleeding overnight (not sure why it bled later on not at the time).

I phoned emergency dentist Saturday morning who advised me to bring him in. They've advised that because of ds age (teeth will be coming out soon) it hopefully won't have damaged his adult teeth, and they are hopeful that the teeth will realign themselves through the pressure of his tongue and ds being a thumb sucker at night. But it will be a wait and see, we've to go back in two weeks with the possibility that the dentist will numb and try to manipulate the teeth back. Then it will be wait and hope that the adult teeth are ok.

I can't quite believe that neither school or after school club told me. I'd have expected school to apply a cold compress, ring me and send a bump note, put in accident book. But it seems they did nothing.

I went into school this morning with the intention of being very nice, just asking whether the teacher was aware of what had happened, whether it was in the accident book, just to establish what had happened. Unfortunately the teacher wouldn't see me and passed on a message to the receptionist to say that she will make up a load of excuses to cover their backs look into it.

How unreasonable am I being?

It's quite possible that the teacher didn't know. Wait to see what she says when she has looked into it.

YANBU. I would be really pissed off that no one had phoned me. That really is awful. I think you should speak to the head teacher and make a complaint.

Not at all unreasonable. His adult teeth will have been forming for a long time (up in the gums), and any incident that might affect them is serious, in my book. I AM very precious about teeth though, so perhaps TA/etc isn't?

I think that this should have been recorded, and the teachers addressed any issues arising (behaviour).

I think it is ok for the teacher to get back to you. She can hardly drop everything first thing in the morning to see you. I agree with Morgause to wait and see what she has to say before working yourself up that she will be trying to cover her back. I do think the TA should have done more though.

YANBU, the same thing happened to my DS1 before Christmas, I was called immediately, his teacher was waiting with him with an ice pack on his mouth and was so lovely to him that later he said he wished Mrs X could come home to look after him. The dentist saw him within 2 hours and though his teeth were v loose, gums blackened and he is a thumb-sucker like yours, they are still in and they think his adult teeth are ok.

The teacher and headmistress rang me that afternoon to see how he was and were v concerned about him. If it had been treated as casually as your DS's accident I would have been furious. I hope he is feeling better, teeth ok and you get a better response from the school.

I'm not a parent that's in the school every five minutes complaining. And I actually think that the teacher and TA are usually great.

I don't think that the teacher did know by the way. But they are breaking their own policy on reporting and recording incidents.

If he'd grazed his knee I wouldn't even expect to be told.

That's what I would have expected Minty.

What now though is how do I deal with it? If the teacher agrees more should have been done, ensures it's recorded and assures me it won't happen again, fair enough.

If she says they thought he was ok, they asked after school club to deal with it, something like that, I will get annoyed.

I think if there was nothing at the time of the accident to see apart from a little bit of a red lip and your ds wasn't any more upset than he would be after a normal bump, then you might be being unreasonable. It really depends on whether it was obvious that the teeth were damaged or not, it's not unusual for things to look fine in the minutes after they happen and then look worse later on.

I don't think there is any reason to be annoyed if the TA asked the after school club to deal with it as it happened at going home time. TAs don't get paid to stay after going home time, and she might have needed to leave work to collect her own children.

The after school club should have dealt with it better because after school hours your ds is in their care, not the teacher or TAs.

The TA should probably have told the teacher before she left so that the teacher could fill in the accident book though.

The accident happened at school not after school club. It's irrelevant whether the TA had to leave, it should have been passed to another member of staff at school to deal with in that case. You can't not give first aid to a 5 year old in your care because 'you've got to go home'.

I've checked again and school policy is to record and report any incidents. I'm not sure if I said in my op but ds did tell the TA that his teeth had been 'knocked loose'.

Anyway does this sounds ok for when I speak tot he teacher later?

If I basically say that I realise the TA didn't realise it was more serious, but that as it was a bash to the face I think that a cold compress, a phonecall and recorded in the accident book would have been what I'd expected, and to ask that they ensure that it is now recorded?

I agree that the TA should have passed it to someone else to deal with, even if it was the teacher for the form and the after school club person for the actual care. But she did half of that if she passed it onto the after school club person.

Like I said, I think it depends on what there was to see at the time. If your ds's teeth were visibly moved or wobbly, then absolutely more should have been done.

Seriously, why are you blaming the teacher for this? They weren't in the classroom, and they've said they will look in to it. This may be the first they have heard of it, so 'looking in to it' is a perfectly valid response to being approached with something they don't know about, and they want to let you know that they will investigate and get back to you.

Yes, you should have been notified, but you need to accept that this may be the first the teacher has heard of it, and she may actually need to look in to it before getting back to you.

They were visibly moved, they look a right mess. Although I suppose if you'd never looked at his teeth before you wouldn't know. However the bashed mouth coupled with him telling her should have been enough to notice.

I'm not for one second saying that it's been done on purpose. I can see what's happened, it's going home time, busy and stressful, she probably hasn't really taken much notice and thought oh it's just a little bump.

But I just think it's really, really sloppy.

Of course I might find out something different later on, perhaps more was said to after school club, perhaps she did tell the teacher and the teacher was supposed to ring me, perhaps I'm jumping the gun a bit. I'd still say no good passing the book onto after school club. But I will see.

I don't think I'm being pfb, ds has had loads of incidents I'm less than happy about where he's told me he's ended up crying, a boy leaving footprints on the back of his coat, being pushed over in the mud, a boy once vommited over him and nobody told me until I collected him. I haven't complained about any of it, but this has pissed me right off.

Where exactly have a said I'm blaming the teacher?

I don't think I've said anywhere that I'm blaming the teacher.

Your original post sounded to me that you expect the teacher to be just trying to make excuses for the incident, rather than actually investigating it. It's pretty snarky to assume they don't actually want to genuinely find out what happened, and just expect them to not care.

YANBU and I would blame the teacher AND the TA fir not taking him seriously when he said he was in pain . A quick check of his mouth would have shown them he was telling the truth.

I'd be furious.

I too go from 1-100 in temper in a nano second. Write a list of points you want to talk to the head teacher about. Tbh I wouldn't have excepted the rebuff this morning. I would head over there now so they can't get their stories straight. They had a duty of care to your son.

I'd camp out side the office till you were seen.

midnight why didn't the teacher/TA / school club genuinely Want to investigate at the time?

He passed through three responsible adults and none of them responded to him.

Hopefully you will find that more was said to after school club or the teacher and will be able to be reassured that the TA wasn't just being sloppy.

Just to clarify, I'm not blaming the teacher as from what ds has told me she didn't know.

I'm am perhaps wrongly preempting being fobbed off. This is only because I have been fobbed off before quite a lot and/or things have happened that weren't dealt with well at all.

Examples, ds ws 18 months old in nursery and came home with 5 deep fingernail marks in his leg and a huge deep stratch on his bottom underneath his nappy. I got told by the nursery manager that perhaps he did it on a nail sticking out of a chair, I mean what the actual fuck? I had to take it further. There were other things too.

In reception another boy was punching him in the head and stomach, I was met with disinterest and a promise to 'get back to me', teacher never did. There have been various playground incidents that make me question the level of supervision. Lot's of things, I now just cannot help feelign as though raising anything I'll just be treated like a moaning parent.

It isn't easy to get to speak to a teacher, the general message is they're available before and after school but this isn't the case. I went in early this morning, I'd have hoped that a message that a childs teeth had been knocked out of place in her classroom on Friday would have at least prompted her to speak to me. Perhaps I expect too much.

Mishmashfamily By the OPs first post, the teacher was out on the playground at the time, and the incident happened in the classroom, then the child went to after school care. It it highly likely that the teacher had no idea this even happened until they heard about it this morning. So it's perfectly reasonable that they may need to investigate before they respond. It absolutely needs to be investigated and determined what went on, but you can't assume the teacher is trying to make excuses before they have actually looked in to it and found out all of the facts.

It doesn't matter what she said to after school club though it wasn't good enough.

The accident happened at school, school has a duty of care and a first aid policy which states that any head injuries however minor should be report and recorded. His teeth were damaged.

A school can't pass the book, after school club is not in any way connected to school, what were they supposed to do, put it in their accident book? It didn't happen there.

She hasn't found out all of the facts though because she hasn't even spoken to me.

I think what would be helpful to me know is to know what sort of response I should be expecting now.

They can't mend his teeth.

And even after the teacher looking into this I'm not too sure what she's going to find out that I don't already know.